The Big Wedding Myth: Why Less Is More

There are many reasons why a couple might choose not to have a big wedding. Firstly, the cost of a large wedding can be exorbitant, with the average wedding in the US costing over $35,000, and a Manhattan wedding costing closer to $75,000. This is money that could be spent on a house or other important expenses. Additionally, planning a large wedding can be stressful, and it can be difficult to please everyone involved. A smaller wedding allows the couple to have more control over their special day and to focus on their commitment to each other rather than getting caught up in the competition of having the most impressive wedding.

Cost: The average wedding in the US is $35,000, with Manhattan weddings costing around $75,000

One of the main reasons why you might not want to have a big wedding is the cost. The national average cost of a wedding in the US was $35,000 in 2023, a $5,000 increase from 2022. This figure does not include the cost of the engagement ring, which is an average additional cost of $5,500. The cost of weddings varies depending on location, with weddings in densely populated, expensive destinations such as New York City, San Francisco, and Chicago costing more than weddings in smaller or less populated locations like Idaho, West Virginia, or Wyoming.

In 2023, the average cost of a wedding in Manhattan was $75,000, while the average cost of a wedding in Mississippi was $33,000. The cost of a wedding also depends on the number of guests, with a 200-person wedding costing significantly more than a 50-person wedding.

The reception venue and catering are usually the two largest wedding expenses, making up more than 40% of the average wedding budget. The average cost of a reception venue is $12,800, while catering costs an average of $85 per person. The cost of a wedding venue can vary greatly depending on location, with venues in expensive cities like New York or San Francisco ranging from $6,000 to $12,000, and even higher in some luxury locations.

Other significant expenses include the wedding photographer/videographer ($2,900-$8,500), the wedding/event planner ($2,100), the live band ($4,300), the florist ($2,800), and the wedding dress ($2,000).

While some couples choose to splurge on a big wedding, it's important to consider the financial implications and whether the cost is worth it for one day. The money spent on a wedding could be used for other purposes, such as buying a house or investing. Additionally, getting into debt for a wedding is rarely a good idea, as it can take years to pay off and may not be worth it if the marriage doesn't work out.

If you're considering a big wedding, it's essential to plan and budget carefully to avoid overspending. There are ways to save money on a wedding, such as choosing an off-peak date or an alternative venue, and being strategic with the guest list.

Stress: Planning a big wedding can be stressful, and there's more that can go wrong

Planning a big wedding can be stressful, and there's a lot that can go wrong. The pressure to create a unique atmosphere with decorations, music, and food can be overwhelming, and there are often many people to please. The average couple spends approximately $30,000 on their wedding, and that's just in the suburbs—a Manhattan wedding can cost closer to $75,000. With such a significant financial investment, there is a lot of pressure to ensure that everything goes according to plan.

There are many moving parts to a big wedding, and it can be challenging to coordinate all the different elements, such as the venue, catering, entertainment, and accommodations for guests. It's easy for costs to spiral out of control, and it can be difficult to keep track of all the different expenses. Many couples feel obligated to invite extended family, friends, and colleagues, which can make the event feel more like a performance than an intimate celebration.

With a large guest list, it can be challenging to ensure that everyone is happy and entertained. There may be conflicting personalities or dynamics that the couple needs to navigate, and it can be exhausting to try to please everyone. Additionally, a big wedding often means that the couple has less control over the guest list, as they may feel pressured to invite people they don't know well or who may not support their relationship.

A big wedding also means that the couple has to juggle the expectations and demands of their families, who may have different ideas about what the wedding should look like. This can create additional stress and tension during what is already a busy and emotionally charged time. It's important to remember that a wedding is about the couple's commitment to each other, and it shouldn't be a source of stress or unhappiness.

A smaller, more intimate wedding can reduce stress and allow the couple to focus on their commitment to each other. It can be more affordable, more meaningful, and easier to plan, ultimately resulting in a more enjoyable and memorable day for the couple and their guests.

Time: Large weddings require longer planning and preparation time

Planning a large wedding takes a significant amount of time and preparation. The entire process can take up to a year or more, and it involves a multitude of tasks that need to be completed in a specific order to ensure a smooth and successful event. Here are some reasons why large weddings require a longer planning and preparation time:

• Securing the Perfect Venue: Finding and booking the right venue for a large wedding can be time-consuming. It often involves visiting multiple locations, discussing pricing and menu options, and ensuring the venue is available on the desired date. This process can take several months and is crucial in determining the overall guest count and budget.
• Dress Shopping: For those who want a custom-made wedding dress, it is essential to start shopping early. Designers may require six to eight months to create and ship the dress, allowing enough time for multiple alteration sessions.
• Vendor Availability: Large weddings often require a variety of vendors, such as photographers, caterers, florists, and entertainment. Booking these vendors early, especially if you have specific preferences, is crucial to ensuring their availability on the wedding date.
• Guest Accommodation: Large weddings typically involve inviting guests from out of town. It is considerate to reserve a block of hotel rooms for these guests as soon as the wedding date and location are confirmed. This task can be completed about six months in advance to get good deals on accommodations.
• Invitations and Stationery: Sending out save-the-dates and formal invitations for a large wedding requires careful planning. Save-the-dates should be sent out at least eight months in advance, while formal invitations are typically mailed two to three months before the wedding.
• Rehearsal Dinner: For large weddings, it is essential to plan and book the rehearsal dinner venue early, especially if it will be held at a separate location from the wedding venue. This task can be completed up to a year in advance to secure the desired spot.
• Honeymoon Planning: Planning a honeymoon, especially to a far-flung destination, takes time. It is advisable to start researching and booking flights, accommodations, and excursions at least six months in advance to avoid disappointment and ensure a smooth transition from the wedding to the honeymoon.

Privacy: Smaller weddings offer more privacy and intimacy

Small weddings offer a more intimate and close-knit atmosphere, allowing couples to focus on each other and share their special day with only their closest loved ones. This fosters an environment that encourages guests to share the couple's joy and celebrate authentically and personally.

With a limited guest count, couples can focus on the details that cater specifically to their preferences and the preferences of their guests. Small weddings allow couples a more personal and tailored experience, from decor to unique venues.

For example, couples can opt for a restaurant venue, a meaningful family home, or a scenic outdoor location. With fewer guests, couples can also afford to splurge on details like interactive drink displays, statement overhead installations, or even a fireworks show.

Small weddings also allow for more meaningful connections with guests. Instead of bouncing between different groups of people, couples can spend more quality time with their loved ones. This creates a relaxed environment where guests can comfortably interact with one another, fostering a sense of togetherness.

Additionally, couples can incorporate personalized touches, such as handwritten invitations, interactive guest books, and unique culinary experiences. They can also take the time for a post-wedding reflection, savouring the significance of the day with their spouse.

Ultimately, small weddings provide a private and intimate atmosphere, allowing couples to focus on meaningful connections and share their special day with those closest to them.

Authenticity: Big weddings can become a performance, losing the authenticity of the occasion

The wedding industry is a multi-million-dollar business that thrives on people's desire to be the centre of attention. While it's important to have the wedding day you want, big weddings can become a performance, losing the authenticity of the occasion.

Weddings have not always been such lavish affairs. For most of the history of the Catholic Church, people could marry simply by saying so. There was no specific formula or ritual, and they did not need the authority of a priest or their parents' permission. It is only relatively recently that weddings have become so formal and lavish. The extravagance of a big wedding can detract from the authenticity of the occasion, which is about making a commitment to the person you love.

The bigger the wedding, the more it can become about everyone else. The couple may feel pressured to put on a show, and the day can become a performance. With a large number of guests, the couple will spend a lot of time thanking everyone for coming and ensuring they are enjoying themselves, rather than focusing on each other and their commitment.

A big wedding can also mean outside influences, such as family, have a greater impact on the day. If the family is helping to pay, their opinions, no matter how ridiculous, will likely need to be considered. This can result in the day becoming less about the couple and their vision and more about keeping others happy.

A large wedding can also increase the stress of planning and coordinating the event, detracting from the authenticity of the occasion. With a smaller, more intimate wedding, the couple can relax and enjoy their time together, rather than worry about sticking to a strict schedule and keeping to other people's expectations.

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