Deborah Chan
Indian brides often cry during the Vidaai ceremony, which marks the moment when they leave their families to start a new life with their husband and his family. This ceremonial weeping is seen as a natural expression of distress and can be attributed to various factors, such as the bride's emotional connection with her family, the stress of wedding preparations, societal expectations, and the realization of newfound responsibilities. The honeymoon, often taking place in beach destinations like Goa, the Maldives, or Mauritius, serves as a respite from the extravagant wedding festivities and provides an opportunity for the newlyweds to bond and spend quality time together.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Leaving the comfort of her mother | The bride will wonder how she can survive away from her mother, who has always supported her |
| Leaving her father | The bride feels her father, who provided a sense of security, is letting her go |
| Leaving her siblings | The bride will miss her siblings, who were her best friends |
| Leaving her family home | The bride is resisting the departure from her comfort zone (family home) to adopt a new life in her husband's world |
| Losing her freedom | The bride is being 'handed over' to her husband's family by her father |
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What You'll Learn
Leaving the family home
The act of a bride crying as she leaves her family home is a well-known stereotype in Indian weddings. This is often portrayed in Bollywood films and TV soaps, which depict the bride as shy and emotional. However, in recent years, modern Indian brides have been challenging this stereotype by choosing to express themselves in different ways, such as through confident and playful wedding videos.
Traditionally, the act of a bride crying during the Vidaai or Vidai ceremony is perceived as a natural expression of distress, as she is leaving the comfort and security of her family home and her role as her father's daughter to start a new life with her husband's family. This custom originates from the ancient practice of child brides being forcibly married, although this is rarely the case in modern times. Nevertheless, the societal expectation for brides to cry during this ritual persists, signifying the bride's reluctance to leave her family and her carefree life as her parents' child.
For many Indian brides, leaving the family home can be an overwhelming and emotional experience due to the close bonds they share with their parents, siblings, and other family members. The bride may wonder how she will manage without the support and guidance of her mother, who has been her backbone until this point. She may also feel a sense of skepticism or uncertainty about relying on her husband and his family in the same way. Additionally, the stress and excitement of the wedding festivities, along with the realization of taking on new responsibilities, can contribute to the bride's emotions during this transition.
While the cultural expectation for brides to cry during the Vidaai ceremony persists, modern Indian brides are increasingly expressing their emotions in their own unique ways. Some choose to dance instead of crying, symbolizing their happiness and confidence as they embark on a new chapter of their lives. Ultimately, the decision to cry or not during this ritual is a personal choice, and each bride may experience a range of emotions as they leave the family home and start their married life.
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Separation from parents
Indian brides often cry after their wedding due to the emotional realisation of leaving their family home and starting a new life with another family. This is known as the Vidaai or Vidai ceremony, where the bride is "handed over" to the groom's family, and it is customary for the bride's family and friends to give her a tearful farewell.
The bride's tears represent her reluctance to leave her parents' house and her supportive siblings, who she has likely shared a close bond with, and step into a new, unfamiliar world. The idea of leaving the comfort of her mother, who has been a constant source of support and guidance, can be overwhelming and contribute to the bride's emotional state.
Additionally, the Vidaai ceremony symbolises the bride's repayment of her debts to her parents for all they have given her. This ritual, where the bride throws back handfuls of rice and coins over her head as she crosses the threshold, can evoke a sense of gratitude and sadness as she acknowledges the sacrifices and love of her parents.
The act of ceremonial weeping is perceived as a natural expression of distress, and it is not uncommon for any bride, regardless of culture, to experience a range of emotions during their wedding festivities. The tears shed by the Indian bride can be seen as a reflection of the complex mix of emotions associated with the Vidaai ceremony and the broader societal expectations surrounding marriage.
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Patriarchal traditions
Indian brides cry after their weddings during the Vidaai ceremony because they know they will be leaving their families to start a new life with another family. This ceremonial weeping is perceived as natural distress, signifying the bride's reluctance to depart from her family home and adopt a new life in her husband's world. The ritual is rooted in the ancient custom of child brides being forcibly married to grooms at a young age, although this practice is now rare in India.
The Vidaai ceremony involves the bride crossing the doorstep, throwing handfuls of rice and coins back into the house. This act symbolises the bride repaying her parents for all they have given her. However, it also reinforces the patriarchal notion of a woman being handed over or given away by her father to the groom's family, reducing her to a thing or furniture. This idea is further perpetuated by the expectation that the bride will now be a 'domestic goddess', fully responsible for managing her new household.
The bride's tears often reflect her emotional state as she contemplates leaving the comfort of her mother, who has been a constant source of support throughout her life. Additionally, the bride may feel apprehensive about leaving her father, who has provided her with a sense of security, and her siblings, with whom she has shared a close bond. The patriarchal tradition of arranged marriages in India can also contribute to the bride's anxiety, as she may not have had the opportunity to get to know her groom before the wedding fully.
The societal expectation for brides to cry during the Vidaai ceremony reinforces the notion that a woman should mourn the loss of her freedom and independence upon getting married. This idea is at odds with modern ideals of gender equality and the increasing independence of women in Indian society. While some may argue that the ceremonial weeping is simply a cultural tradition, others view it as a regressive practice that perpetuates the objectification and subjugation of women within the institution of marriage.
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Influence of Bollywood
Indian brides often cry after their weddings during the Vidaai ceremony, as they know they will be leaving their families to start a new life with another family. This ceremonial weeping is perceived as a natural expression of distress, as the bride is reluctant to leave her family home and adopt a new life with her husband and his family.
Bollywood films and TV soaps have been criticised for perpetuating stereotypes about brides and influencing societal expectations. Brides are often depicted as shy, not laughing or smiling, and crying while leaving their parents' house. This has led to the expectation that brides should behave in a certain way, with people "blindly" believing that the portrayal of brides in films is the only way they should act.
However, modern Indian brides are challenging these stereotypes and writing their own scripts. Some brides are choosing to make fun, dance-inspired wedding videos, inspired by Bollywood song and dance, rather than following the traditional, stodgy, and time-consuming process of shooting entire ceremonies. These videos allow brides to play a leading role and express their confidence and modern outlook.
The influence of Bollywood on Indian wedding traditions is complex. While it has contributed to the perpetuation of certain stereotypes, it also provides a platform for modern Indian brides to express themselves and break free from societal expectations. By creating and sharing their own wedding videos, Indian brides can challenge traditional norms and showcase their confidence and individuality.
Additionally, Bollywood films and the media can also play a role in shaping the expectations and experiences of the honeymoon phase. With depictions of exotic destinations, beach and resort wear, and romantic getaways, Bollywood may influence the choices and aspirations of Indian honeymooners. The desire to visit popular honeymoon destinations, such as Indian beaches like Goa or international locations like the Maldives and Mauritius, could be influenced by their portrayal in films and the media.
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Societal expectations
Indian brides often cry after their weddings during the Vidaai ceremony, as they are leaving their families to start a new life with their husband and his family. This ceremonial weeping is seen as a natural expression of distress and has its roots in the ancient custom of child brides being forcibly married off. While this practice is no longer common, the expectation for brides to cry remains.
Indian society expects brides to mourn the fact that they are being 'handed over' to their husband's family, as if they are a possession being passed from one family to another. This expectation is reflected in the ritual of the father 'giving away' the bride to the groom during the wedding ceremony. The groom, on the other hand, is expected to pay back the debt to his family for the rest of his life, which often includes paying a hefty dowry for the bride.
The act of crying at Indian weddings is seen as a display of the bride's reluctance to leave her carefree life as her parents' child and start a new life with new responsibilities and expectations. The tears signify the emotional burden of leaving the comfort and security of her family home and the understanding that her role in her new family will be very different.
In modern times, some Indian brides are choosing to challenge these stereotypes and societal expectations. Instead of crying during the Vidaai, they are opting to dance and celebrate, reflecting their happiness at finding a life partner and their confidence as modern Indian women. However, despite these changes, the expectation for brides to cry at Indian weddings remains prevalent, influenced by Bollywood films and traditional cultural values.
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Frequently asked questions
Indian brides often cry when leaving for their honeymoon because they are leaving their families and the comfort of their family home to start a new life with their husband and his family.
Yes, the ceremonial crying of brides at Indian weddings is called the Vidaai or Vidai.
The Vidaai symbolises the bride's mourning of the fact that she is being 'handed over' to her husband's family by her father. It is perceived as a natural expression of distress and reluctance to leave her family and start a new life.
No, a handful of other cultures around the world also include a bride weeping ceremony after the wedding.
Brides may cry at Indian weddings for a variety of reasons, including the realisation that they will be leaving their family and the support of their mother, as well as the feeling that their father is 'letting them go'.
