Wedding Guest Plus-Ones: Who Gets To Bring A Date?

Planning a wedding is stressful, and one of the first steps is figuring out who to invite. While there are no set rules, there are best practices and etiquette guidelines to help you decide who gets a plus-one. A plus-one typically refers to a date or romantic interest but could also be a family member escorting an older guest or a friend attending with a single person. It depends on your budget and venue capacity, but traditionally, married, engaged, and cohabiting guests receive a plus-one, as do members of the bridal party and outlier guests who won't know many people at the wedding.

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests

"Your guest is part of a package deal," explain Anne and Lizzie Post, authors of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. It is also suggested that the spouse or partner of the officiant, as well as both parents of any ring bearers and flower girls, should be invited.

If you are inviting a married couple who live separately, it is best to send two separate invitations. If you are unsure of the relationship status of your guests, it is best not to include the name of their partner, and instead use "invited guest".

If you are unable to invite all guests' partners due to budget or space constraints, it is recommended to establish your own "rules" and be consistent. For example, you could decide that only members of the wedding party will receive a plus-one.

Wedding party members

If you have people in your wedding party, it is standard etiquette to offer them a plus-one as a "thank you" for their efforts and support. This is also a good idea to ensure that your wedding party is happy and can enjoy the day, as well as making sure that they do not feel lonely.

However, this does not mean that every member of your wedding party will want to bring a plus-one. If they are married or in a serious relationship, it is proper etiquette to invite their partner or spouse, even if you have never met them before.

If a member of your wedding party is single, consider whether they will know other guests. If they are likely to be surrounded by strangers, a plus-one could make their experience more enjoyable. If they will know lots of other people, they might be happy to attend without a plus-one.

If you are worried about costs, be honest with your wedding party. Explain that you are unable to offer a plus-one to everyone and ask them to let you know if they would like to bring someone. This way, you can plan accordingly and ensure that your wedding party is happy.

It is important to be consistent with plus-ones for your wedding party. If you offer one to one person, you should offer them to everyone. This will avoid any potential issues or hurt feelings.

Single guests who know everyone

When it comes to single guests who know everyone at the wedding, the general consensus is that they do not need a plus-one. This is because they are already familiar with the other guests, so they are unlikely to feel awkward or left out.

However, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, if the single guest in question is part of the wedding party, it is generally recommended that they are offered a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support. Secondly, if the single guest is a "VIP", they may feel more comfortable with a plus-one, even if they know everyone at the wedding. Finally, it is important to consider the individual's situation and preferences. Some people may prefer to bring a date, even if they know everyone at the wedding, while others may be happy to attend solo.

When deciding whether to offer a plus-one to single guests who know everyone, it is essential to be consistent. This means either offering a plus-one to all single guests in the same situation or none at all. This will help to avoid any potential hurt feelings or favouritism.

If you decide not to offer a plus-one to single guests who know everyone, it is important to be gracious and understanding if they ask about bringing a guest. You can politely decline by explaining that the wedding is an intimate affair with limited space. It is best to handle these situations privately and on an individual basis.

Out-of-town guests

It is also a thoughtful idea to organise some activities, gatherings, and other forms of hospitality for out-of-town guests who are not part of the wedding party. This could include a welcome event before the wedding, such as a brunch or cocktail hour, which offers a casual opportunity to greet guests and allow them to meet each other and relax before the big day.

To help your out-of-town guests feel at home, you could create a wedding website with all the essential information they need. This could include the location, time, and date of the ceremony and reception, as well as how to get to the venue, hotel recommendations, and things to do in the area. You could also provide transportation information, such as car rental recommendations or bus routes, and let guests know if there is a car or shuttle service available during the event.

Finally, you can show your appreciation to your out-of-town guests by writing a thank-you note and including a generic note of thanks in their welcome gift bag.

Budget and space considerations

Budget and space are key considerations when deciding whether to offer plus-ones to your wedding guests. While it would be ideal to give everyone a plus-one, most couples have budget and space restrictions that make this impossible. Weddings are expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up, especially when it comes to food and drinks.

The number of guests will impact the cost of catering, bar expenses, and venue setup fees. For example, a buffet-style reception typically costs $50-$100 per guest, while a formal plated dinner ranges from $100-$200 per guest. So, it's important to accurately track your plus-ones to stay within your budget. Unconfirmed plus-ones could lead to additional last-minute costs, such as extra setup requirements or service fees charged by the venue.

When deciding on your guest list, it's a good idea to create an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus-one, such as immediate family members, wedding party members, and out-of-town guests. Then, if your budget and space allow, create a "B" list of guests who you would like to offer a plus-one if possible.

If you're working with a tight budget, don't feel pressured to offer a plus-one to everyone. Single guests who know other people at the wedding and those who are casually dating don't necessarily need a plus-one.

To help with budget and space considerations, it's important to be proactive and manage your guest list early on in the planning process. Get the names of all guests, including plus-ones, on your RSVPs to help with seating arrangements and to avoid surprises on the day. Be prepared to respond to requests from guests who don't receive a plus-one with a kind but firm explanation about your budget and space constraints.

Frequently asked questions