Deborah Chan
Choosing what to read at a wedding can be a daunting task, with a myriad of options to choose from. Whether you are the couple getting married or you've been asked to do a reading at a friend's wedding, it's important to select something that reflects the beliefs and values of the couple. The readings can be emotional, cute, romantic, funny, philosophical, or just plain lovely—the choice is yours! From traditional to alternative, religious to non-religious, there is a wide range of options to suit every taste and style.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Type of content | Poems, quotations, literary passages |
| Tone | Romantic, funny, philosophical, pragmatic, traditional, light-hearted |
| Themes | Love, marriage, relationships |
| Individuality | Should reflect the couple's beliefs and personalities |
| Preparation | Rehearse, vary tone and pitch, emphasise certain words or phrases |
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What You'll Learn
Choosing a reading
Firstly, consider the type of reading you want. Wedding readings can be emotional, cute, romantic, funny, philosophical, or just plain lovely. There are no rules stating that they have to be poems or that they have to rhyme; you could opt for prose, a quotation, or an excerpt from a novel. If you already have a meaningful poem or quotation that you share, then you could use this. Alternatively, you could choose a reading from a sacred text, such as the Bible, or a passage with religious content. However, it is important to note that some celebrants are unable to accommodate religious readings in their ceremonies, so be sure to check with your officiant beforehand.
Next, set aside plenty of time to read through various options and discuss your favourites with your partner. This is a great opportunity to talk about what marriage means to you and to ensure that you are both on the same page. Think about the readings that have resonated with you in the past, perhaps at a friend's wedding, and consider why they stood out to you. If you are working with a celebrant, they may be able to suggest readings or put you in touch with other couples who have been through the same process.
Finally, once you have chosen your reading, take the time to rehearse it. The more you practise, the more comfortable you will feel on the day, and the more natural your delivery will be. Reading your chosen piece out loud will also help you to identify any particularly poignant parts that you may want to emphasise or linger over. You could even record yourself to identify areas where you could vary your tone and pitch to fit the words you are speaking.
Remember, the most important thing is to choose a reading that reflects who you are as a couple and that will create a meaningful moment for you, your partner, and your guests.
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Secular vs religious readings
Wedding readings are typically chosen by the couple getting married and read by the officiant or selected loved ones. Religious readings are often taken from religious texts such as the Bible or Torah, whereas secular readings are usually non-religious and can be taken from any source, such as songs, poems, books, TV shows, or movies.
Secular readings are a great option for couples who are not very religious but still want to include meaningful or fun passages in their wedding ceremony. These readings can be anything that expresses how the couple feels about each other and can be used to inject personality and individuality into the ceremony. For example, a couple could choose a reading from a novel or movie that holds a special place in their relationship, or they could opt for a funny passage that reflects their sense of humour.
On the other hand, religious readings are often chosen to honour the couple's faith and to seek blessings for their marriage. These readings may be chosen by the officiant, particularly in more traditional religious ceremonies. For instance, in Christian weddings, it is common to include excerpts from the Bible.
Couples who want to include both secular and religious elements in their wedding can opt for a blended ceremony. For example, a non-religious couple with religious family members might choose to close their ceremony with an Old Irish Blessing that mentions God, such as:
> "May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall soft upon your fields. May God hold you in the palm of his hand. May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children's children. May you be rich in blessing and may you know nothing but happiness from this day forward, with the saddest day of your future being no worse than the happiest day of your past."
Ultimately, the choice of readings is a personal one, and couples should select those that feel authentic and clearly express their emotions, whether they be serious, fun, romantic, or silly.
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How to perform a reading
If you've been asked to perform a reading at a wedding, it's an honour, and the couple is paying you a huge compliment. It's also completely normal to feel nervous about reading in front of all the other guests.
First, you'll want to choose a reading that suits the couple. Wedding readings are reflections of the couple's soul, chosen passages that echo their journey, beliefs, and aspirations. The right reading can elevate the ceremony, making it truly unforgettable. It's about finding a text that speaks to the couple and resonates with the themes of their relationship. It should be specific to them and their beliefs on marriage. It could be a cherished poem, a snippet from a beloved book, a verse, a song, a movie excerpt, a spiritual or religious text, or a significant quotation.
Once you've chosen the reading, make sure you spend time rehearsing it. You'll want to print it out in a large, double-spaced font and cover it with 'stage directions' to help you on the day. Mark where you want to pause, highlight or underline words you want to emphasise or linger over, and draw squiggles and marks to remind yourself to speed up or slow down. You could also record yourself to more easily notice parts that need emphasising or where the pace could change to make more of an impact. Visualisation is a simple yet powerful technique to improve your reading and help calm your nerves. Take a few minutes each day to visualise yourself at the wedding, walking up to the front and delivering your reading clearly and confidently.
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Types of readings
There are many types of readings to choose from for a wedding ceremony, and the readings should reflect the beliefs and personalities of the couple. The readings can be emotional, cute, romantic, funny, philosophical, or just plain lovely. Here are some types of readings to consider:
- Poems: There are many poems that can be read at a wedding, ranging from traditional to modern, and from romantic to fun. For example, "i carry your heart" by e.e. cummings, "How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog" by Taylor Mali, or "Love Monkey" by an unknown author.
- Quotations: If the couple has a meaningful quotation that they share, this can be a great choice for a reading. For instance, a quotation from a novel such as "Contact" by Carl Sagan, or "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" by Louis de Bernières.
- Passages from literature: Some couples choose to include a passage from a novel or other literary work that holds a special meaning for them. This could be a passage about love, such as from "Still Life With Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins, or a passage about the wisdom of childhood, such as from "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum.
- Religious texts: Depending on the beliefs of the couple and the flexibility of the celebrant, a reading from a sacred text such as the Bible or other religious text may be included.
- Personal writings: Some couples choose to write their own vows or readings, or to include personal writings such as letters or journal entries that hold special meaning for them. These can be a way to share their unique story and perspective on marriage.
- Alternative readings: There are also many alternative and unique readings to choose from, such as a passage from a Supreme Court decision legalizing marriage equality, or a passage from a work by William Goldman.
Remember, the most important thing is to choose readings that resonate with the couple and reflect their beliefs and personalities.
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Sample readings
Sample Reading 1:
"You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, 'When we’re married', and continued with 'I will' and 'you will' and 'we will' – all those late-night talks that included 'someday' and 'somehow' and 'maybe' – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding."
Sample Reading 2:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ―Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Sample Reading 3:
"We had a non-religious ceremony and had a few Carl Sagan quotes that we had read. My favourite was, 'For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.' From his novel 'Contact'. It still gives me chills."
Sample Reading 4:
"You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security are in knowing that they are a part of your life. This is a small thought for both of you like a feather or a prayer, a wish of trust and love and hope and fine, brave hearts and true."
Sample Reading 5:
"Love is not a red rose or a satin heart. I give you an onion. It is a moon wrapped in brown paper. It promises light like the careful undressing of love. Here. It will blind you with tears like a lover."
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Frequently asked questions
The readings should reflect your beliefs on marriage as a couple and be specific to you. You could read through various quotations, poems, and literary passages on love and marriage and choose the ones that resonate with you. You could also ask your officiant for suggestions as they will have a variety of readings for you to choose from.
Here are some examples of unique and non-religious wedding readings:
- A passage from Tom Robbins' *Still Life With Woodpecker*
- *How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog* by Taylor Mali
- A quote from Carl Sagan's novel *Contact*: "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
- A reading from Robert Fulghum's *All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten*
- A reading from Louis de Bernières' *Captain Corelli's Mandolin*
It is an honour to be asked to do a reading at a wedding, but it is also normal to feel nervous about it. To help you prepare, practice the reading out loud and make notes on the parts you want to emphasise or pause. You can also visualise yourself at the wedding, delivering the reading confidently. On the day of the wedding, make sure to have a printed copy of the reading in a large, double-spaced font.
Here are some romantic and emotional wedding reading options:
- "I Want to Say 'I Love You'" by Rachael Meyer
- "I Promise, My Darling" by Rachael Meyer
- "Love is a Temporary Madness" by Louis de Bernières, from *Captain Corelli's Mandolin*
- "Love Monkey" by an unknown author
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