Franklin Dean
Jewish weddings are rich in customs and rituals, and timing is an important consideration. While weddings can be held anywhere, they are forbidden on the Sabbath, certain holidays, and during periods of mourning. The wedding ceremony itself, or Chupa, usually takes between 20 and 60 minutes, but the entire celebration can last between 3 and 6 hours, with some lasting longer. The timing of a Jewish wedding is influenced by various factors, including religious, cultural, and traditional beliefs, and the specific practices may vary across different Jewish communities.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Day of the week | Tuesday, Saturday night, Sunday afternoon, or any day other than Friday and Saturday. |
| Time of day | Midafternoon until late at night. |
| Duration | 3-6 hours, or 4-5 hours. |
| Location | Banquet halls, outdoors, or in a house of worship. |
| Timing | Not during the Jewish holidays, which include Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Passover. |
| Traditions | Chuppah (wedding canopy), ketubah (marriage contract), veiling ceremony, breaking of a glass, circling, and blessings over wine. |
| Food | Dinner, followed by Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) and sheva brachot (seven days of celebration). |
| Documents | Ketubah (marriage contract), tenai'm (engagement contract), and prenuptial agreements. |
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What You'll Learn
- Jewish weddings are forbidden on the Sabbath and major Jewish holidays
- The wedding day is considered the bride and groom's personal Yom Kippur, so they may choose to fast
- The wedding ceremony includes the veiling ritual, known in Yiddish as badeken
- The wedding banquet includes Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) and sheva brachot
- The wedding process has two stages: betrothal (kiddushin) and marriage (nissuin)
Jewish weddings are forbidden on the Sabbath and major Jewish holidays
Jewish weddings are not held on the Sabbath, or Shabbat, which is observed from sundown on Friday to nightfall on Saturday. This is because work and travel are not permitted on the Sabbath, and new agreements may not be entered into on that day. Furthermore, each opportunity for joy and celebration is to be observed individually, and not combined with another. For this reason, two members of the same family cannot be married on the same day.
In the past, Jewish weddings were regularly held on Fridays, with the chuppah ceremony taking place before sunset, and the wedding reception, a grand Shabbat meal, starting after nightfall. However, today, Friday night weddings pose too many problems to be feasible, as no music, pictures, or videography would be allowed, and all guests would have to walk home.
While rabbis and cantors who officiate at interfaith weddings may be willing to officiate at weddings that begin late on Saturday afternoon, Jewish weddings are not permitted on the Sabbath even in the more liberal Jewish movements, such as Reform and Reconstructionist.
Jewish weddings are also traditionally forbidden on all major Jewish holidays, which often begin the evening before they are listed on calendars. Holidays during which weddings are forbidden include Rosh Hashanah (two days, typically September or October), Yom Kippur (one day, September or October), and Passover (eight days, March or April). Most rabbis and cantors will also not officiate at a wedding during Shavuot (one day, May or June) and the first and last days of Sukkot (September or October).
Additionally, weddings are not held during the three-week period between the 17th of Tammuz and Tisha B'Av (July or August), a time of national mourning for the destruction of the Temple. The seven-week period from Passover to Shavuot, known as the Omer period, is also a time of mourning for the death of Rabbi Akiva's students. Weddings are prohibited during at least 33 days of this period, though the specific days included in this prohibition depend on communal custom.
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The wedding day is considered the bride and groom's personal Yom Kippur, so they may choose to fast
A Jewish wedding ceremony follows Jewish laws and traditions. While wedding ceremonies can vary, they are traditionally forbidden on major Jewish holidays, which often begin the evening before and include Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Passover. Weddings are also not held during the three-week period between the 17th of Tammuz and Tisha B'Av.
The wedding day is considered a "minor Yom Kippur" for the bride and groom, and they may choose to fast. This is because, on the day when a man and woman enter the greatest commitment of their lifetime, they are deemed worthy of being forgiven for all "selfish" sins committed in their past. Fasting is not meant to be a way of torture but rather a way to eliminate all physical needs and focus on one's spirit and spirituality. The couple can then break their fast during the Yichud, when they spend time alone together before the dancing and celebrations of the nissuin begin.
If the bride and groom are fasting, the aneinu prayer is inserted in the amidah. Before stepping backwards at the conclusion of the amidah, the couple recites the viduy (confession), which is normally recited on Yom Kippur. The groom may also immerse himself in a mikvah (ritual bath) on the day of the wedding, as it is customary to do so before Yom Kippur.
It is important to note that there are certain festive days on the Jewish calendar when the bride and groom do not fast, including Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah, Tu B'Shevat, the 15th of Av, the day following Passover, Shavuot, Sukkot, Shushan Purim, Purim Kattan, and Shushan Purim Kattan.
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The wedding ceremony includes the veiling ritual, known in Yiddish as badeken
A Jewish wedding is a ceremony that follows Jewish laws and traditions. While wedding ceremonies vary, common features of a Jewish wedding include a ketubah (marriage contract), a chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy), a ring owned by the groom that is given to the bride under the canopy, and the breaking of a glass.
The badeken ceremony is also known as the bedeken, bedekenish, or bedekung. It takes place immediately before the chuppah, and the bride wears the veil until the conclusion of the chuppah ceremony. The groom is accompanied by his parents, the Rabbi, and other dignitaries, and there is joyous singing from his friends. The Rabbi then pronounces a blessing upon the couple.
In modern times, the bedeken ceremony has lost favour among Jewish couples due to the critique of the bride needing to be modest and demure, and the idea of the groom 'confirming' his bride. However, new interpretations have been applied, and the ceremony has been revised in a personally tailored manner, bringing it back into fashion.
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The wedding banquet includes Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) and sheva brachot
The wedding banquet is a significant aspect of Jewish wedding traditions, and it includes the Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) and the Sheva Brachot. These rituals are imbued with symbolic meanings and offer a chance for the newlyweds to connect with their community.
The Birkat Hamazon, or Grace after meals, is recited after the wedding banquet. This act of gratitude and blessing is a customary part of Jewish dining traditions. During the wedding banquet, an enhanced version of the Birkat Hamazon is used, including, in Ashkenazic communities, the first stanza of the Devai Haser, a hymn that holds special significance. Prayer booklets, known as bentshers, may be distributed to the guests to facilitate their participation in the prayers.
Following the Birkat Hamazon, the Sheva Brachot, or Seven Blessings, are recited. These blessings are considered the heart of the Jewish wedding ceremony and are recited under the huppah (wedding canopy) and then again at the meal following the wedding, as well as during the week after the wedding. The Sheva Brachot is a time-honoured tradition that reflects on the community's support for the newlyweds and their new life together.
During the Sheva Brachot, two cups of wine are prepared, symbolising the bride and groom, and then poured together into a third cup, representing the creation of their new life as a married couple. This ritual underscores the intertwining of their lives and their connection to the community. The wine is then poured back into cups for the bride and groom, as well as the shared third cup, symbolising their unity and communal celebration.
The Sheva Brachot is traditionally recited by Jewish men under the huppah and during the festive meals following the wedding. However, in liberal Jewish communities, there is a growing inclusion of women in reciting these blessings. The Sheva Brachot is more than just a ritual; it is a testament to the enduring significance of community and shared joy in Jewish wedding traditions.
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The wedding process has two stages: betrothal (kiddushin) and marriage (nissuin)
The Jewish wedding process has two distinct stages: betrothal (kiddushin) and marriage (nissuin). The first stage, kiddushin, is derived from the Hebrew word for "betrothal" and also means sanctification or dedication. It is during this stage that the groom gives the bride a ring or another object of value, with the intention of creating a marriage. This act symbolises the formation of a strong legal bond between the couple, and the woman becomes prohibited to all other men, requiring a religious divorce (get) to dissolve the betrothal.
The second stage, nissuin, is when the couple is permitted to each other and can begin their married life together. It includes the chuppah ceremony, which is the wedding ceremony under a canopy, and yichud, where the couple spends time alone together. The ceremony that accomplishes nissuin is also known as chuppah.
In the past, there was often a year-long period between kiddushin and nissuin, during which the couple would prepare for married life. However, it was later decided that it was better to have both stages on the same day, as sometimes, families had to flee their homes during the year between the two ceremonies. Additionally, it was preferable for people to get married by the age of twenty, and delaying nissuin further was not ideal.
Today, the yichud is not used for the physical consummation of the marriage. Instead, it is a secluded opportunity for the couple to relax, eat, and spend quality time together before the dancing and celebrations of nissuin begin. It is also when the couple can break their fast and have their first meal together if they chose to fast before the wedding, as the wedding day is considered their personal Yom Kippur.
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Frequently asked questions
The Jewish day begins at sundown and ends at sundown.
In traditional Jewish communities, Tuesday is considered an auspicious day for a wedding. The entire month of Kislev is also considered auspicious, as is the semi-festive holiday Tu B'Av (Av 15).
Jewish weddings are forbidden on the Sabbath, which lasts from sundown on Friday to nightfall on Saturday. They are also forbidden on major Jewish holidays, including Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Passover.
