Weddings: Why Some People Choose To Flee?

Running away from weddings is a phenomenon that has intrigued and puzzled people for years. From the classic movie Runaway Bride to the numerous real-life stories of people fleeing their nuptials, it's clear that this is not just a fictional trope but a genuine occurrence. While it may seem shocking to some, there are a multitude of reasons why someone might choose to run away from their wedding, ranging from feeling pressured or manipulated to realising they don't truly know their partner. For some, eloping is a more appealing option, allowing them to escape the chaos and pressure of planning a traditional wedding and instead focus on their own desires as a couple.

Pressure from family and friends

Planning a wedding can be a stressful experience, and when you add the opinions and interference of family and friends, it can become overwhelming. This pressure can cause some people to run away from their weddings.

In some cases, the bride or groom may feel that their wedding is being orchestrated by others, and their own wishes are not being considered. For example, in a story shared on Reddit, a woman describes how her mother and her fiancé's mother pressured her into planning a wedding she had no intention of having for years. Despite her requests to wait, the two mothers took her dress shopping and began making arrangements for flowers and table settings. When the venue they wanted became available at short notice, her fiancé booked it without her knowledge, finalising the rest of the wedding plans and even printing invitations. Feeling manipulated, she ultimately broke off the engagement.

In another story, a woman describes how her parents arranged a marriage for her without her knowledge. They told her they were all going to a cousin's wedding and that everyone would be wearing white. When they arrived at the church, her father took her arm and began walking her down the aisle. It was only when she saw all the smiling and crying faces looking at her that she realised she was the one getting married. Luckily, her aunt intervened, pulling her out of the church and away from that situation.

The stress and tension of big weddings can be overwhelming for some people, and the focus on the ceremony and reception details can detract from the relationship. This pressure, combined with interference from well-meaning family and friends, can lead to a person feeling like they need to run away from their wedding.

Lack of planning for the future

The prospect of marriage can put a lot into perspective and make people realise that they are not making the right move. One of the reasons people run away from their weddings is a lack of planning for the future.

In some cases, the couple is so caught up in the excitement of their relationship that they do not discuss what kind of future they will have together. This lack of planning for a lifetime together can be a significant reason for a person to back out at the last minute. It could also be that one person feels they do not know their future spouse well enough. This could be due to their partner being secretive about their past or their family, or because they have made assumptions about their relationship that turn out to be false.

Additionally, people may run away from their weddings due to pressure from family and friends, or a desire to maintain control over the planning of their wedding. Eloping, or running away to get married, can be an appealing option for couples who want to avoid the chaos and pressure of planning a traditional wedding and would prefer a more low-key celebration. Eloping allows couples to focus on their own wishes and desires without interference from others and can be a more cost-effective option.

Furthermore, the stress and tension of planning a large wedding can sometimes cause people to run away. The focus on ceremony and reception details can take attention away from the relationship, and the pressure of the event itself can become overwhelming. In such cases, the prospect of marriage may cause people to realise that they are not ready to commit, or that their relationship is not as strong as they thought.

Fear of divorce

The fear of divorce is a very real and understandable concern for people considering marriage. The prospect of a wedding can put things into perspective and make people realise that they are not ready to make such a huge commitment.

Pressure and Interference

One reason people run away from weddings is due to the pressure and interference they feel from friends and family. This can cause people to feel that they are not orchestrating their own wedding and that they are losing agency over their own lives. This pressure can come from well-meaning sources, such as parents and in-laws, but it can still be overwhelming.

Lack of Planning

Some people realise that they have not properly planned for their future together. This can be due to a lack of discussion about their future, or because one or both parties have been secretive about their past or personal issues. This can lead to a fear of the unknown and a desire to back out at the last minute.

Abuse and Manipulation

In some cases, people may be running away from an abusive or manipulative partner. This can be physical, emotional, or financial abuse, and it can be difficult for people to see a way out until they are faced with the prospect of marriage. In these cases, it is important to have the support of friends and family to help end the relationship safely.

Personal Issues

People may also have personal issues that they need to work through before they are ready for marriage. This could be a fear of not being a good wife or lifetime partner, or it could be deeper-seated problems such as absent parents or emotionally unavailable caregivers. These issues can cause a fear of abandonment, which may be triggered by the prospect of marriage.

A Runaway's Perspective

One person who ran away from their wedding shared their story:

> "I felt pressured, so I said yes, but I was just about to start college and knew I wasn't ready to get married. My boyfriend agreed to a long engagement, but then my mom and his mom took me dress shopping and started planning the whole wedding without my input. I repeatedly told him I wanted to wait, but he and both our families didn't listen. Finally, I realised I was being manipulated, and I broke it off."

A Wedding Counsellor's Perspective

Scott Stanley of the Center of Family and Marital Studies at the University of Denver identifies three types of sentiments that run through a person's mind before their wedding day:

• "I'm not ready for marriage."
• "I'm not ready to marry you."
• "This wedding is freaking me out."

He suggests that the pressure of the event itself can be overwhelming and cause people to run away from their weddings.

In summary, the fear of divorce can be a very real and complex issue that causes people to run away from their weddings. It is important to address these fears and concerns before the wedding day to avoid last-minute panic and hurtful decisions.

Abusive partners

Those in abusive relationships may experience emotional manipulation, physical violence, or financial control, making it difficult to leave. In some cases, the abuse may escalate when the victim attempts to escape. It is crucial for individuals in such situations to seek help from organisations specialising in supporting survivors of domestic violence. These organisations can provide essential resources, such as safe housing, legal assistance, and emotional support.

When preparing to leave an abusive partner, safety should be the top priority. This includes creating a safety plan, identifying safe places and people who can help, and gathering important documents and belongings. It is also recommended to memorise essential phone numbers and keep an alternate cellphone, as an abusive partner may attempt to track the victim through their devices.

Reaching out to trusted individuals, such as family, friends, doctors, or counsellors, can provide much-needed support. Additionally, contacting hotlines for domestic violence or seeking legal advice can help ensure the process is carried out as safely and effectively as possible.

Leaving an abusive partner is a courageous act of self-preservation. By taking the necessary precautions and seeking support, individuals can protect themselves and begin the journey towards a life free from abuse.

Cold feet

It's natural to feel nervous before making a big commitment, and getting married is one of the biggest. It's no surprise then that some people get cold feet before their wedding day and decide to run away. There can be many reasons for this, and it's often a combination of factors that lead someone to leave their partner at the altar.

Pressure and Interference

One of the most common reasons for cold feet is feeling pressured into marriage. This pressure can come from family, friends, and society, and it can be overwhelming for someone who is not sure about getting married. In some cases, the person may have been bullied or manipulated into planning a wedding they never wanted. This pressure can cause people to feel like they have lost control of their wedding and their life, leading to a desire to run away and escape the situation.

Lack of Planning and Communication

Some people realise they have not properly planned for their future together or discussed important topics, such as their shared goals and dreams. This lack of planning and communication can lead to doubts and uncertainty about the marriage, causing cold feet.

Fear of Divorce and Abuse

The fear of divorce is also a factor for some people. They may have seen their friends go through painful divorces and worry about experiencing the same thing. Additionally, if there is any abuse in the relationship, emotional or physical, it can be a significant reason for someone to run away from the wedding.

Intuition and Instinct

In some cases, people get a strong feeling that something is not right, and they trust their intuition. This instinctual sense of unease can be a powerful motivator to run away and re-evaluate the relationship.

While running away from a wedding can be dramatic and hurtful to the other partner, it is often a sign that the relationship was not meant to be. It is better to call off the wedding than to go through with it and potentially face a divorce or an unhappy marriage.

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