Jewish Wedding Traditions: Customs, Rituals, And Their Meanings

Jewish weddings are steeped in rich traditions, rituals, and liturgy. The ceremonies are conducted under a chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy) and are rooted in Jewish laws and traditions. While there are common features, each Jewish wedding is as unique as the couple it unites. The wedding process has two distinct stages: the betrothal or kiddushin, and the nissuin or marriage. The former is when the woman becomes prohibited to all other men, and the latter is when the couple starts their life together. The rituals begin before the wedding day and continue after the ceremony, with celebrations and feasting.

The ketubah (marriage contract)

The ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract and an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage. The contract outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom in relation to the bride.

The ketubah is signed by the groom and two witnesses before the wedding ceremony. The witnesses must be halakhically valid, so they cannot be blood relatives of the couple, and in Orthodox Judaism, women are not considered valid witnesses. Friends or distant relatives are invited to witness the ketubah, and family and friends are usually present for the signing. The ketubah is then traditionally read aloud under the chuppah, and the groom hands the contract to the bride, who accepts it.

The ketubah is designed to protect the wife and is considered a charter of women's rights in marriage. It is a unilateral agreement, with the witnesses attesting to the groom's actions, promises, and statements, and the bride's willing acceptance of the marriage proposal. The groom agrees to provide his wife with food, clothing, and conjugal rights, which are inseparable from marriage. The contract also includes the husband's guarantee to pay a certain sum in the event of divorce, and inheritance rights obligatory upon his heirs in the case of his death.

The ketubah is often displayed in the couple's home, serving as a daily reminder of their vows and responsibilities to each other.

The chuppah (wedding canopy)

The chuppah, or huppah, is a wedding canopy under which the Jewish marriage ceremony takes place. The chuppah is often made of cloth and is held up by four beams, symbolising the new home being built by the couple. The canopy may also be made from a tallit, or prayer shawl, belonging to a member of the couple or their families. In some ceremonies, the four posts of the chuppah are held up by friends or family members throughout the ceremony, while in other instances it may be a freestanding structure decorated with flowers.

The chuppah is also the word for the entire wedding ceremony. The ceremony that accomplishes nissuin, or the marriage, is also known as chuppah. The marriage ceremony has two parts: the betrothal, known as erusin or kiddushin, and the actual marriage, nissuin. The ketubah, or marriage contract, is generally read between these two parts.

The chuppah is traditionally held outside under an open sky. The presence of family members under the chuppah, as well as its lack of walls, signify that family and friends will always be welcome in the couple’s home.

The bedeken (veiling of the bride)

The bedeken, or veiling ceremony, is an Ashkenazi Jewish wedding tradition. It is not performed by Sephardic and Mizrachi Jews, who instead consider the Hina, or henna ceremony, as its counterpart. The bedeken takes place right before the chuppah, or wedding ceremony.

The bedeken originates from the stories of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in the book of Genesis. The groom, accompanied by his parents, the rabbi, and other dignitaries, covers the bride's face with a veil. The rabbi then pronounces a blessing upon the couple. The bride wears the veil until the end of the chuppah ceremony.

The veiling ceremony is based on the verse in Genesis, where Rebecca covers herself with a veil when meeting Isaac: "And she took her veil and covered herself" (Gen 24:64). The veil symbolises modesty, and the groom's act of veiling the bride is also a reminder of Jacob, who accidentally married Leah, instead of Rachel, because her face was veiled.

The bedeken is also seen as a way for the groom to focus on the inner beauty and qualities of his bride, reminding him that marriage is not only of the physical realm but also of the spiritual. The veil is also interpreted as a symbol of the married woman, expressing a dignity that was once reserved only for women of high status.

In modern times, the bedeken has lost favour among some Jewish couples due to its association with the critique of the bride's modesty and the idea of the groom "confirming" his bride as if possessing her. However, new interpretations and revisions of the ceremony have brought it back into practice, with couples choosing to tailor it to their personal preferences.

The kiddushin (betrothal)

The kiddushin, or betrothal, is the first of two distinct stages in a Jewish wedding. It is during this stage that the couple becomes full-fledged husband and wife. However, they are not permitted to live together as a married couple until the second stage, the nisu'in, is completed.

The kiddushin involves the groom acquiring the bride by giving her a small token, usually a ring, and declaring that she is betrothed to him according to Mosaic law. The ring must be made of solid metal, preferably gold or silver, with no jewel inlays or gem settings. This is to ensure the ring's value is easily determined. The bride then accepts the ring, signifying her positive and willing consent to the proposal. In doing so, she undergoes a momentous change in personal status, becoming prohibited to all other men.

In addition to the ring, the groom also presents the bride with a ketubah, or marriage contract. This document outlines the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations. The ketubah is signed by two witnesses, who are usually not closely related to the couple but are present for the signing.

The kiddushin ceremony also includes the reciting of blessings. Two blessings are recited before the betrothal: a blessing over wine, and the betrothal blessing specified in the Talmud. The couple then tastes the wine before the exchange of rings.

While the kiddushin is traditionally initiated by the groom, modern non-Orthodox couples have made this ceremony egalitarian, with the bride also presenting a ring to the groom and reciting a declaration of acceptance.

The nissuin (nuptials)

The nissuin begins with the Sheva Brachot, or seven blessings, which are chanted or recited by the officiating clergy or friends of the couple over a second cup of wine. The two cups of wine represent the fact that originally, the betrothal and nuptials were two separate ceremonies with a span of time between them. In the Sephardic community, the same cup used for the erusin is refilled for the nissuin. In both the Ashkenazi and Sephardic communities, the seven blessings give thanks for the fruit of the vine, the creation of the world, the creation of humanity, the perpetuation of life, the continuation of the Jewish community, the joy of marriage, and the couple's happiness.

After the seven blessings, the ketubah, or marriage contract, is read aloud during the ceremony so that all can bear witness to the commitment the partners have made to one another. The ketubah outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride, dictates the conditions he will provide in the marriage, the bride's protections and rights, and the framework should the couple choose to divorce. It is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the ceremony takes place.

Following the ceremony, the couple may proceed to a private room for yichud, or seclusion, which means 'togetherness'. There, they will quietly share the excitement of their first moments together as a married couple. This custom is practised among Ashkenazi Jews.

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