Junior Rasmussen
The honeymoon stage, also known as the infatuation stage, is the first stage of a relationship, characterised by intense emotions, strong attraction, and a sense of love at first sight. This stage is filled with lots of dates, constant communication, and physical attraction. However, the honeymoon stage does not last forever, and couples will eventually transition to the next stage of their relationship. So, what comes after the honeymoon phase?
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Length of honeymoon stage | Anywhere from a few months to a few years (typically 2 years) |
| Feelings during the stage | Intense emotions, strong attraction, "love at first sight", bliss, joy, idealization of the partner |
| Brain chemistry | Flood of feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and noradrenaline |
| What comes after | Individuation stage, reality-check stage, attachment stage, mature stage |
| Challenges | Couples may begin facing conflict, need to make a conscious decision to commit, may feel isolated and ashamed |
| Benefits | Deepening trust and emotional intimacy, couples get to know each other better, more comfortable and open communication |
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What You'll Learn
The 'love hangover'
The honeymoon stage, also known as the infatuation stage, is the first stage of a relationship. It is characterised by intense emotions, strong attraction, and a sense of "love at first sight". This stage is filled with lots of dates, constant communication, and physical attraction. It can make you say and do whatever is necessary to please your partner. During this stage, our brains are being flooded with feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and noradrenaline.
The honeymoon stage typically lasts from a few months to a few years. After this, the "love hangover" begins. This is when you wake up one day and think, "Something's wrong with this relationship". This usually happens when you perceive some sort of permanence in the relationship, such as moving in together or getting engaged. It triggers the setting in of reality and the ending of the honeymoon stage.
The next stage of the relationship is often referred to as the individuation stage. This is when the flood of hormones starts to die down and reality sets in. Couples start to recognise and reckon with their differences, imperfections, and flaws. This is when the real work of the relationship begins, and it can be hard. It requires partners to confront each other and do the gritty, uncelebrated work of learning to be in a relationship. It is a time when couples must decide whether they are going to fully commit to each other and work through their differences.
The "love hangover" is a normal part of the relationship journey. It is important to remember that the honeymoon stage is often romanticised and glorified, and it is not sustainable in the long term. The "love hangover" can be a time of increased intimacy and bonding, and it is an opportunity to connect, collaborate, and co-create with your partner.
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The 'reality-check' stage
The honeymoon stage of a relationship is marked by bliss, joy, and the all-consuming idealization of a new partner. It is a time when couples experience a rush of chemical changes in the brain, including dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and noradrenaline, which create a sense of euphoria, excitement, and butterflies. This stage typically lasts anywhere from a few months to a few years, and during this time, couples tend to overlook each other's flaws and may not be entirely truthful about who they are.
After the honeymoon stage comes what some experts call the "reality-check stage" or the \"individuation stage". This is when the rose-tinted glasses come off, and couples start to see each other's imperfections and differences. It is a phase of conflict and confrontation, where the everyday, sometimes-gritty work of being in a relationship begins. This stage can last anywhere from years to decades. It is a time when couples must decide whether they are willing to commit to working through their differences and accepting each other for who they are.
During the reality-check stage, couples may experience a decrease in the constant craving and desire that characterized the honeymoon phase. The steamy and spicy give way to stability and steadfastness. However, this does not mean that the relationship is lacking in passion or intimacy. Instead, it is a time when couples can deepen their emotional intimacy and build a stronger bond based on trust and acceptance.
In the reality-check stage, couples may find themselves facing challenges and conflicts that they did not encounter during the honeymoon phase. They may need to navigate differences in values, lifestyle quirks, cohabitation oddities, and relational wounds. It is a time when effective communication and collaboration become crucial. Couples who can successfully navigate this stage will emerge with a deeper understanding of each other and a stronger, more mature relationship.
While the reality-check stage can be difficult, it is an important part of the relationship journey. It is a time when couples can learn to work through their differences and build a deeper, more meaningful connection. By embracing this stage and committing to doing the work together, couples can create a loving and romantic relationship that is strong enough to last a lifetime.
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The 'commitment' stage
The honeymoon stage, also known as the infatuation stage, is the first stage of a relationship. It is characterised by intense emotions, strong attraction, and a sense of "love at first sight". This stage is filled with lots of dates, constant texting, calls, and messages, and there is typically a lot of physical attraction.
The honeymoon stage can last anywhere from a few months to a few years, but it eventually comes to an end. The next stage of the relationship is what some experts call the "decision stage", or the "commitment stage". This is when couples must decide whether they are going to fully commit to each other and to "doing the work" to maintain a long-term partnership, or part ways.
During the commitment stage, couples start to see each other more clearly and accept each other's flaws. They begin to face conflict and must learn to work through things together. It is a time of deepening emotional intimacy and attachment, where the true bonding happens. Couples move from constant craving and desire to a place of stability and steadfastness. The relationship evolves as the connection deepens, and couples find that they can still enjoy discovering new things about each other.
The commitment stage is when couples start to feel like they can count on each other for support and that their partner genuinely cares about their well-being. They are comfortable enough with each other to talk openly about their desires and enjoy a spontaneous life together. While there may be less passion and sex in this stage, there is also less anxiety, and couples can feel deeply comfortable and trusting in the relationship.
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The ‘attachment’ stage
The 'attachment stage' is the second level of a relationship, following the honeymoon stage. This stage is marked by a deepening of emotional intimacy and attachment to one's partner. While the honeymoon stage is characterised by intense emotions, strong attraction, and a sense of "love at first sight", the attachment stage is where true bonding occurs.
During the attachment stage, there is an increase in biochemicals such as vasopressin and oxytocin, which are associated with attachment and trust. This stage is a significant shift from the honeymoon stage, as couples move beyond the initial infatuation and romanticising. The attachment stage is where the real work of a relationship begins, requiring both partners to actively choose to invest in the relationship, accept each other's flaws, and commit to working through conflicts together.
In the attachment stage, couples may experience a decrease in sexual frequency compared to the honeymoon stage. However, this does not indicate a lack of desire but rather a shift towards a more stable and steadfast dynamic. Couples in this stage are encouraged to prioritise their sex life and experiment with new things to maintain erotic spark.
The attachment stage is a crucial period for relationship development, as it is where couples confront the reality of their differences and imperfections. This stage can be challenging, as it requires partners to be vulnerable and do the gritty, uncelebrated work of learning to be in a relationship. However, it is an essential step towards building a deeper and more meaningful connection.
While the honeymoon stage is often romanticised, the attachment stage is where couples can truly connect, collaborate, and co-create. It is a time to embrace the twists and turns of the relationship journey, knowing that love is an adventure that requires patience and understanding to navigate successfully.
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The ‘individuation’ stage
The 'individuation stage' is the second phase of a relationship, following the honeymoon phase. This stage is marked by a shift from the initial intensity and idealisation of the honeymoon phase to a more realistic and grounded perspective of the relationship. The flood of hormones and chemicals associated with the honeymoon phase, such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, begins to stabilise, leading to a decrease in craving and desire. However, this stabilisation gives way to a deeper attachment and emotional intimacy.
During the individuation stage, couples start recognising and navigating their differences, flaws, quirks, and contradictions. This phase requires effort, confrontation, and a willingness to do the uncelebrated work of learning to be in a relationship. It is a time when couples may start facing conflicts and challenges, which can make them feel isolated and ashamed. However, it is important to remember that conflict is a normal part of relationships, and seeking support during this stage can be beneficial.
In the individuation stage, the relationship evolves and matures. Couples may experience less passion and anxiety, but this is replaced by a deep sense of comfort, trust, and support. They know each other better and continue to discover new things about each other. Communication becomes more open, and they can talk about their desires and work together to keep their sex life exciting. This stage is where the true bonding happens, and couples form a deeper, more committed bond.
The individuation stage can last for years or even decades, and it is a crucial period for building a strong and lasting relationship. It is a time when couples learn to navigate conflicts, accept each other's flaws, and actively choose to invest in their relationship. This stage may feel like a "love hangover" or a "reality check," but it is an essential part of the relationship journey, offering a chance for couples to connect, collaborate, and co-create.
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Frequently asked questions
The honeymoon stage, also known as the infatuation stage, is the first stage of a relationship. It is characterised by intense emotions, strong attraction, and a sense of "love at first sight". This stage is filled with lots of dates, constant communication, and physical attraction. It can last anywhere from a few months to a few years.
After the honeymoon stage, couples enter what some experts call the "individuation stage". This is when the rose-tinted glasses come off and couples start to see each other's flaws and imperfections. It is a phase where couples confront the reality of their relationship and each other's perceived flaws and differences.
The honeymoon stage can last anywhere from a few months to a few years. On average, it lasts between 18 to 24 months.
The challenges that couples may face after the honeymoon stage include less frequent sex, conflict, and the need to consciously work on the relationship. Couples may also need to navigate major life decisions and confront each other's flaws and imperfections.
