Jewish Wedding Night Rituals Explained

A Jewish wedding ceremony follows Jewish laws and traditions. The wedding day is considered a day of forgiveness, and some couples choose to fast until their first meal together as husband and wife. The ceremony itself consists of two parts: erusin/kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). During the first stage, the couple exchanges rings, and the bride is veiled by the groom. The second stage is when the couple starts their life together. After the ceremony, the couple spends at least eight minutes in yichud (seclusion) to privately reflect on their new relationship. The wedding ceremony is followed by a feast, where guests bring joy and festivities, and there is much dancing, including the hora.

The wedding ceremony

The Aufruf

The day before the wedding, the couple is called to the Torah for a blessing called an aliyah. The rabbi then offers a blessing called a misheberach, and members of the congregation throw candies at the couple to wish them a sweet life.

The Ketubah

The ketubah is a symbolic marriage contract that outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride. It dictates the conditions he will provide in the marriage, the bride's protections and rights, and the framework should the couple choose to divorce. The ketubah is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the ceremony and then read to the guests during the ceremony.

The Bedeken

During the ketubah signing, the groom veils the bride's face. This signifies that he loves her for her inner beauty and that they are distinct individuals, even after marriage. It also stems from the biblical story of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying the wrong sister because she was veiled.

The Walk to the Chuppah

In the Jewish tradition, both of the groom's parents walk him down the aisle to the chuppah, followed by the bride and her parents. Both sets of parents traditionally stand under the chuppah during the ceremony, alongside the couple and rabbi. The chuppah has four corners and a covered roof to symbolise the new home the couple is building together.

The Vows

In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride walks around the groom three or seven times under the chuppah. This may be to symbolise protection from evil spirits, temptation, and the glances of other women, or to symbolise the bride creating a new family circle. The groom gives the bride a ring, reciting:

> Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.

In some egalitarian weddings, the bride will also present a ring to the groom, with the quote:

> Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine).

The Sheva B'rachot

The seven blessings come from ancient teachings and are often read in Hebrew and English by family members or friends. They focus on joy, celebration, and the power of love, beginning with a blessing over a cup of wine and ending with a blessing of joy, peace, and companionship.

The Breaking of the Glass

As the ceremony ends, the groom (or sometimes the couple together) is invited to step on a glass inside a cloth bag to shatter it. This symbolises the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and demonstrates that marriage holds sorrow as well as joy. It also represents the commitment to stand by one another in hard times.

The Yichud

After the ceremony, couples spend at least eight minutes in yichud (seclusion), allowing them to reflect privately on their new relationship. It is also customary for the couple to share their first meal together during this time.

The marriage contract

The ketubah is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the wedding ceremony. It is then read to the guests during the ceremony. The witnesses must be Jewish, male adults, and unrelated to the couple. The groom and rabbi do not need to sign.

The ketubah outlines the groom's obligations to his bride, including providing her with food, clothing, and marital relations. It also includes the husband's guarantees to pay a certain sum in the event of divorce or inheritance rights if he dies before his wife. The document is designed to protect the wife, making it difficult for the husband to divorce her without appropriate reflection and consideration.

In the past, the ketubah also included details of the dowry brought by the bride, which was technically "leased" to the groom for the duration of the marriage.

The ketubah is an extremely important document in Jewish weddings and should be stored safely. In fact, according to tradition, a married couple should refrain from physical intimacy if they cannot locate their ketubah.

The wedding canopy

The chuppah, or huppah, is a canopy under which a Jewish couple stand during their wedding ceremony. The word itself means 'canopy' or 'covering' in Hebrew. It is a square cloth, usually made of silk or velvet, supported by four poles, and often held up by friends or family members.

The chuppah is symbolic of the new home the couple will build together, and their new life as a married couple. The four corners of the canopy represent the four walls of their home, and the open sides represent hospitality and the importance of community. The chuppah is also said to symbolise God's presence, with the rabbi sometimes inviting other couples to stand inside the chuppah after the ceremony to reflect on their own weddings.

The chuppah is also connected to the seven blessings, or Sheva Brachot, which are recited over a cup of wine after the ceremony. The blessings focus on joy, celebration, and the power of love.

In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride circles the groom three or seven times under the chuppah. This is said to create a magical wall of protection from evil spirits, temptation, and the glances of other women. It can also be seen as the bride symbolically creating a new family circle.

The ring

In some egalitarian weddings, the bride will also present a ring to the groom, often with the quote: "Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li" (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine). This may be inscribed on the ring. In a double-ring ceremony, each partner gives a ring to the other, pledging mutual sexual fidelity.

Breaking the glass

The breaking of the glass symbolises several things. One of the most common interpretations is that it represents the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, reminding the couple and guests that even in times of great joy, there is still pain and suffering in the world. This interpretation is often accompanied by the singing of Im Eshkakech Yerushalayim (If I Forget You, Jerusalem) and the reciting of verses from Psalms. Another interpretation is that the fragility of glass represents the frailty of human relationships, and the potential for even the strongest love to disintegrate. The breaking of the glass can be seen as an incantation, with the prayer: "As this glass shatters, so may our marriage never break."

The loud noise created by the breaking of the glass is also thought to frighten away demons and evil spirits, protecting the couple from harm and mischief. In a more lighthearted interpretation, the groom's stomping on the glass is said to be the last time he will ever get to put his foot down in the relationship.

The shards of glass are carefully collected after the ceremony, and many couples choose to incorporate them into a memento of their wedding day, such as a mosaic or decorative piece of art.

Frequently asked questions