Lesbian Wedding Rituals Explained

Lesbian weddings are a celebration of love and can take many forms. From walking down the aisle together to meeting in the middle, or even having no aisle at all, there is no one way to have a lesbian wedding. The ceremony is a highly personal experience and can include religious or cultural rituals, community participation, and personalised vows. The important thing is that the couple declares their intentions in front of their community in a way that feels authentic to them.

When it comes to attire, lesbian couples can wear whatever makes them feel comfortable and confident, whether that's a suit, a dress, or something else entirely. The same goes for the wedding party, who can be referred to as bridesmen, men-of-honour, or something more gender-neutral like attendants or party people.

Ultimately, lesbian weddings are about telling the couple's individual love story and creating a day that connects them and their partner.

Who walks down the aisle?

There are no rules for lesbian weddings, and couples can choose to incorporate or disregard traditions as they see fit. The only vital component is the legal part – everything else is optional.

Some couples choose to follow traditions, such as having one person wait at the front while the other walks down the aisle. Other couples prefer to enter together, reflecting the joining of two people at the beginning of their married life.

One couple shared that they decided to walk each other down the aisle, as they liked the symbolism of it. Another couple decided to walk down the aisle separately, with one bride explaining that she wanted to watch her partner walk down the aisle, so she offered to go first.

There are many ways to approach this decision. One option is to have two aisles, with each person walking down one towards the other. Another option is to walk down the aisle separately, one after the other, or even to eliminate the aisle walk altogether.

Ultimately, the choice of who walks down the aisle at a lesbian wedding is entirely up to the couple. It is their day, and they should do what feels most authentic to them as partners.

Who waits at the altar?

Lesbian weddings, like all weddings, are a celebration of love and a lifetime commitment between two consenting adults. There are many traditions that can be included in a wedding ceremony, and it is up to the couple to decide which traditions to include and how to adapt them to suit their needs.

In a Christian wedding, the bride traditionally meets the groom at the altar, while her parents remain seated. In a Jewish wedding, the couple is escorted down the aisle by both sets of parents, who remain standing. In a Hindu wedding, the groom makes a grand entrance on a decorated horse, accompanied by his family and guests. In a Muslim wedding, the primary ritual is the signing of the marriage contract, so a processional does not always occur.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of who waits at the altar in a lesbian wedding, and the couple may choose to adapt traditional wedding customs or create their own. For example, one person may wait at the altar while the other walks towards them, either alone or accompanied by their parents or another loved one. Alternatively, both partners may walk towards each other from opposite ends of the aisle, or they may walk down the aisle together, either alone or accompanied by loved ones. In some cases, the couple may decide to forgo the aisle altogether and simply greet their guests before taking their places at the altar when the ceremony begins.

Ultimately, the decision of who waits at the altar in a lesbian wedding is a personal one, and the couple should choose the option that feels most comfortable and authentic to them.

What to wear?

Deciding what to wear to a lesbian wedding can be a challenge, but as marriage equality becomes more mainstream, fashion options for lesbian couples are evolving.

Many couples still opt for a traditional arrangement of one person in a suit and the other in a dress. This classic combination can be updated and modernised for a contemporary couple. The dress and tuxedo combination can be colour-coordinated, with colours from the dress incorporated into the suit, or they can be a matched set, designed to complement each other.

For those who want to wear dresses but don't want to look too similar, gowns in complementary colours can create a striking and beautiful image. This is also a good option for couples who have a contrasting colour theme for their wedding.

Tuxedos are also an option for women, with more designers creating suits and tuxedos tailored for a woman's body and her personal taste. These outfits rely on classic lines but add softer colours, shorter jackets, fitted waists, and more options for colours of shirts, cummerbunds, ties, and lapels. Couples can wear matching suits or tuxedos, or the same basic suit with different accent pieces.

Another option is to wear a casual version of the classic suit, using classic pieces like starched shirts and suspenders to create a look based on the iconic styles of the 1930s and 1940s.

For women who have served in the armed forces, wearing a military uniform is another option. Her wife can either wear her own uniform if she is also military personnel, or she can wear a simple dress or suit that complements the colour of her partner's uniform.

Ultimately, it's about personal style, so wear what you love and what you're comfortable in. If you can't find anything off the rack that you like, consider hiring a designer to create custom attire.

Who pays?

When it comes to the question of who pays in a lesbian wedding, the traditional approach of the bride's family paying for the wedding is outdated and not inclusive. Instead, it is more common for the couple to have open conversations with both families about expectations, financial resources, and contributions. This allows for a collaborative effort where all parties can contribute according to their means and interests.

In some cases, the couple may prefer to pay for the wedding themselves, especially if they have the financial means and want to maintain full control over the planning process. This approach ensures that the wedding reflects their unique vision and preferences.

However, it is not uncommon for parents and families to want to contribute financially to the wedding. In these situations, there are a few options to consider. One approach is to split the costs evenly between the couple's parents and the couple themselves. This ensures that everyone has an equal stake in the wedding expenses.

Another option is to ask each side what aspects of the wedding they are most excited about, such as the food, music, or décor, and allow them to invest their money in those specific areas. This approach adds a personal touch and lets the families feel more connected to the wedding.

Ultimately, the decision on how to divide the financial responsibilities should be made through open and honest conversations between the couple and their families. It is important to consider everyone's expectations, resources, and excitement for different aspects of the wedding. By involving both families and the couple in the financial discussions, the wedding planning process can be a collaborative and inclusive experience.

How to find inclusive vendors?

Planning a wedding can be an exciting yet challenging task, especially when it comes to finding the right vendors who are LGBTQ+ inclusive. Here are some detailed and direct tips to help you find inclusive vendors and make your dream wedding a reality:

Social Media and Website Content:

• Start by checking their social media accounts and websites for LGBTQ+ content. Look for diverse couples in their feeds and albums. If they already share LGBTQ+ content, it's a good indication that they value equality and inclusivity.
• Examine their website for an inclusivity statement. Read through their "About" section or website footer to see if they mention working with clients from all backgrounds or include a statement about their commitment to diversity.
• Pay attention to the language they use. Inclusive vendors will avoid outdated terms like "bride" and "groom" and instead use gender-neutral language. They may also include their pronouns on their website, indicating their awareness and support for the LGBTQ+ community.

Diversity in Images:

• When browsing their website, look for visible LGBTQ+ couples in their albums or galleries. If they are inclusive, they will likely showcase diversity in the images they share.
• Check for any identifiers or symbols indicating their support for the LGBTQ+ community. This could be a text statement about being LGBTQ+ friendly or the display of a rainbow flag.

Inquiry Forms and Pronouns:

• Look for gender-neutral terms in their inquiry forms and contracts. Inclusive vendors will use gender-neutral language and avoid assuming your gender or title.
• Inquire about pronouns. Ask if they include pronoun options on their contact forms or if they ask about your pronoun preferences. This shows their commitment to addressing you properly and respecting your identity.

LGBTQ+ Directories and Publications:

• Consult LGBTQ+ wedding directories, such as Equally Wed, which offers an extensive directory of LGBTQ-inclusive wedding vendors worldwide. These directories can connect you with vendors who share your values.
• Explore LGBTQ+ publications like Dancing With Her, which features real-world stories and lists the creative teams behind each wedding. These publications are a great way to find vendors who have already worked with LGBTQ+ couples.
• Utilize LGBTQ+ wedding planning platforms like LGBTWeddings.com, which provide a marketplace for everything from cakes and venues to destinations and wines.

Reviews and References:

• Seek out reviews from LGBTQ+ wedding clients. If reviews are unavailable, don't hesitate to ask the vendor for references from LGBTQ+ couples they have worked with.
• Inquire about certificates for being an inclusive vendor. Some organizations, such as Equally Wed Love Champion and Gay Wedding Institute, offer certifications to vendors who have completed courses on how to be LGBTQ+ inclusive.

Personal Connection and Values:

• Meet your potential vendors to ensure your personalities and ideas align. It's important to feel comfortable and respected by the vendors you choose.
• Consider the level of advocacy you desire from your vendors. Decide if it's important for them to actively advocate for LGBTQ+ causes and display genuine support beyond performative alliance.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and creating memories that will last a lifetime. By following these tips, you can find inclusive vendors who will respect and support you throughout your wedding planning journey.

Frequently asked questions