Iranian Wedding Traditions And Rituals

Iranian weddings are steeped in tradition, symbolism and ritual. The ceremonies are rooted in Zoroastrianism, the primary religion of pre-Islamic Iran, and have remained largely unchanged, despite the country's diverse ethnic makeup and the influence of Islam.

The first step in the traditional Iranian courtship process is Khastegāri, where the man's family visits the woman's family bearing gifts. Once both parties have established serious intentions, the man's family will bring sweets and a larger bouquet and officially pop the question. The couple's engagement is then publicly announced in a ceremony called Baleh Borān.

The wedding itself is broken into a ceremony and reception, with the most notable tradition being the Sofreh Aghd, or table of commitment. This is a table laid with symbolic items such as a mirror, candles, herbs, spices, fruits, nuts, eggs, coins, pastries and religious texts.

During the ceremony, the couple will be asked for their consent, with the bride making her groom wait for her answer. After they have consented, they will dip their fingers in honey and feed it to each other to symbolise a sweet life together.

The wedding reception is filled with merriment and dancing, and often includes a knife dance, where the couple must retrieve a knife from the dancer to cut the wedding cake. The night ends with a petal toss, where guests throw flower petals at the newlyweds as they leave.

The proposal

In Iranian culture, the proposal is a formal process known as "khāstegāri" or "Khastegāri". It is the first step in the traditional Iranian courtship process. While in the past, it may have been the first time the potential bride and groom would meet, today it is more of a formality, with the couple already having made a mutual decision to marry.

During the Khastegāri, one or more representatives of the man's family, including parents, siblings, or other relatives, will visit the woman's family. They will bring a bouquet of flowers and sweets, and the woman will serve tea, fruits, and sweets. This first visit is an opportunity for the families to get acquainted. At each visit, the man's family will present a larger bouquet of flowers and more sweets, and once both parties have established serious intentions, the man's family will officially ask for the woman's hand in marriage.

In modern Iran, the couple usually makes the initial decision to marry, and the Khastegāri is a way to inform and involve the parents in the process. It is customary to bring flowers and sweets when visiting a person's house in Iran, and if the hosts do not touch the confectionery, it is considered a sign that the marriage will not be approved.

After the proposal is accepted, the Baleh Borān, or "getting the yes", takes place. This is when both families give their consent and discuss the prenuptial agreement, which is a gift the groom gives to the bride in the event of a divorce. This is followed by the engagement, where rings are exchanged, and the couple is legally married. The engagement ring is typically a simple gold band, while the wedding ring is more lavish and includes precious stones.

The consent tradition

First, the officiant asks the groom for consent, and he quickly agrees. Next, the officiant asks the bride for her consent. It is customary for the bride to be asked for her consent three times before she answers "baleh!" or "yes". During the time the officiant waits for the bride's response, the crowd yells out reasons why the bride can't consent yet, such as "aroos rafteh gol behshineh!" or "the bride has gone to pick flowers". This tradition creates excitement and anticipation until the final moment when the bride agrees.

After the couple has consented and are officially married, it is customary for the groom to hold a bowl of honey and dip his pinky finger inside, feeding it to the bride, who then does the same for him. This symbolizes the idea that the couple will feed each other sweetness as they begin their lives together.

The wedding table

The table includes a variety of foods, such as herbs and spices (including poppy seeds, rice, angelica, salt, nigella seeds, black tea leaves, and frankincense), pastries (including Iranian marzipan, rice cookies, almond cookies, and chickpea cookies), and fruits (such as pomegranates, grapes, and apples). These foods are traditionally served to the guests after the ceremony.

The table also includes a mirror and candelabras, which represent light and fire, two important elements in the Zoroastrian religion. A prayer rug is placed in the centre of the table, along with a small cube of clay with prayers written on it and a rosary. A sacred text, such as the Avesta, Qur'an, Bible, or Torah, is placed in front of the couple, and some families also include a book of poetry.

Other symbolic items on the table include gold coins, which represent wealth and prosperity; decorated eggs, almonds, walnuts, and hazelnuts, which symbolise fertility; and sugar cones, which are used in a ceremony where sugar is sprinkled over the couple's heads to represent a sweet life together.

The sofreh aghd is considered the most notable tradition in a Persian wedding ceremony, with each element included on the table reminding the couple of the multifaceted nature of relationships and the depth of their commitment to each other.

The reception

Jashn e aroosi

The wedding reception is known as Jashn e aroosi, and it is a time for celebration and merriment. The reception is filled with music, dancing, and plenty of food.

Persian Love Cake

Persian wedding cakes are often flavoured with rose water, cardamom, almond, and pistachio. These cakes are traditionally called Persian Love Cakes.

Ragsheh Chagoo: The Persian Wedding Knife Dance

The couple must perform a lighthearted tradition where they retrieve a knife from the dancer to cut their wedding cake. The dancer, usually a bridesmaid, groomsman, or young guest, will tease the couple and pass the knife around to other guests. The groom may even have to bribe the dancer to obtain the knife.

Shirin Polo: Persian Wedding Rice

A spectacular rice pilaf dish, often called Persian jeweled rice, is traditionally served at Iranian wedding receptions. The dish is made of basmati rice cooked with saffron and is typically topped with colourful gem-like fruits and nuts (candied citrus zest, sweet carrots, almonds, pistachios, and raisins).

Gol baroon: Petal Toss

At the end of the reception, guests will toss petals at the departing couple as they leave for the night. This is the preferred wedding exit at Persian weddings.

The post-wedding send-off

In some families, it is customary for the couple's relatives to enter their new home to inspect the furniture and the house. This is followed by "pa takhti", where the relatives visit the house of the bride's family. However, these traditions are seen as invasive and exhausting, so many couples opt to visit close family members in the weeks following the wedding instead.

The newlyweds are also expected to visit the groom's mother and present her with a gift in a ritual called "mādarzan salām", or "hello mother-in-law".

Frequently asked questions