A Pakistani Wedding: Traditions And Celebrations

Pakistani weddings are a vibrant, colourful and extravagant occasion, typically spanning several days and consisting of many customs and traditions. The celebrations can last anywhere from three to seven days and are a joyous occasion, bringing two families together.

The first event is usually the Dholki, a pre-celebration that takes place one or two weeks before the main events. This involves singing and dancing while beating on a dholak drum.

One of the most important events for the bride is the Mehndi, where she has intricate henna patterns drawn on her hands and feet. This is known as the 'Bride's Day' and is a lively event with music and dancing.

The Nikah is the most important part of the wedding, where the bride and groom exchange vows and make promises to one another. Before the couple sees each other, the groom presents the bride with gifts or money.

The final event is the Walima, a reception hosted by the groom's side to celebrate the union of the two families. This is a huge celebration with many guests in attendance.

The Dholki (pre-celebrations)

The Dholki is a pre-celebration that usually takes place one or two weeks before the main wedding ceremony. It is a women-only event, with the bride's female relatives and friends gathering together to sing and dance to the beat of a dholak drum. The dholak is a two-headed hand drum, and during the Dholki, one woman will play the drum while the others sing and clap along. The songs are usually Punjabi folk songs, including 'jokes' about the in-laws and well-wishes for the couple. The Dholki is a light-hearted and relaxed event, full of merriment, laughter and teasing.

The Dholki is hosted by both the bride and groom's families, but they do not attend each other's celebrations. The Dholki is also the first event where both families come together, with the main wedding ceremony being the next time they will celebrate as one.

The Dholki is a traditional part of Pakistani weddings, but in modern times, it has become shorter, with only one or two nights of celebrations instead of a whole week.

The Mehndi (henna night)

In recent years, the groom has become involved in the day, with family and friends applying oil to his head. There is music and dancing to create a lively atmosphere and get everyone in the mood for the wedding. The traditional colour for a Mehndi is yellow, and the bride will usually wear yellow clothes or have a touch of yellow in her outfit. The groom usually wears a shalwar kurta. The music chosen is always fast and groovy.

Mehndi is said to be the most awaited event of a Pakistani wedding. It is the first main function of the wedding, where guests apply henna to the bride's hands, and feed her sweets. Elders will put henna and oil on the leaves in the bride and groom's hands.

The Mehndi is usually a fun-filled event, with dance numbers performed by youngsters for the couple, who will often also dance on their Mehndi.

The Nikah (ceremony)

The Nikah is the most important part of a Pakistani wedding. It is the formal marriage ceremony where the bride and groom exchange vows and make promises to one another. The ceremony is typically performed by a religious scholar at a mosque, such as an imam, mufti, sheikh or mullah, who in Pakistan will be licensed by the government to perform the ceremony. The bride and groom must both have two witnesses present to ensure that the marriage is consensual.

Before the Nikah ceremony, the bride and groom are not allowed to see each other. A mehr, or symbolic presentation of gifts or money, is given to the bride by the groom. The groom's parents and family elders formally ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage. The Nikah is usually a small, intimate event involving just the families or close friends.

The bride and groom sign a marriage contract, or Nikahnama, during the ceremony. The bride usually wears pastel colours, whites, or reds, while the groom wears a simple pair of shalwar kurta with a golden or light-coloured waistcoat.

The Walima (reception)

The Walima is the final event of the wedding celebration and is similar to the Shaadi, but this time the groom's family hosts the wedding guests. It is a grand dinner and reception hosted by the groom, and is usually all about putting an end to the long series of wedding events and to thank the guests and family. The dress and makeup of the bride for this event are usually chosen by the groom's side. The food served at the Walima is almost the same as the food served at the Shaadi. The focus of this event is again on taking pictures and light conversation.

The Walima is also a Sunnah and a highly recommended act. There aren't many traditions attached to the Walima, and it will vary according to the household, venue, timings, and guest list. The groom normally opts for a formal Western suit or tuxedo, and the bride will wear a dazzling dress with jewellery provided by the groom. It is common to see several high-end cars, a fully themed venue, a four-course meal, a DJ, a dance floor, a bridesmaid, flower girls, a bouquet for the bride, a wedding cake, and favour boxes.

Traditionally, as marriages were arranged between people from different cities and villages, it often meant that the bride was unfamiliar with her new family. To ease her into her new life and surroundings, she was brought back to her parents' house on the Walima night to spend a few nights at home. It has become common for couples to go on a honeymoon. A week away, enjoying time with each other and ultimate privacy, bonds the couple closer.

The Baraat (groom's procession)

The Baraat is the groom's wedding procession, his grand entrance to the Shaadi (wedding celebration). Traditionally, the groom arrives on a heavily decorated white horse, preceded by his family and friends dancing to loud Bollywood or bhangra music. In more modern or Westernised weddings, the groom may arrive in a luxury or vintage car.

The Baraat comes after the Nikkah (the formal marriage ceremony) and before the Walima (the reception and final event of the days-long wedding celebration). The Baraat involves the 'departing ceremony' for the bride following the arrival of the groom in a procession to take her away. This event is held and organised by the bride's family.

The most important part of the Baraat is the Rukhsati, which can be a sad moment for the family of the bride and the bride herself. Pakistani food is usually served, including pulao, biryani, chicken curry, kebabs, kheer and halwas for dessert. Baraats can be stressful occasions for the bride and her family, as it is a kind of goodbye between them.

All in all, Baraats are fun events with a touch of teary and emotional moments. The most painful moment is when the father of the bride sends off his daughter to a completely new home and environment.

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