Jewish Wedding Reception: Traditions And Customs Explained

what happens at a jewish wedding reception

Jewish weddings are known for their lively dancing, music, and celebrations. The wedding ceremony is considered a serious religious event, while the wedding reception is a fun, lively celebration for the couple. It is expected and required for the guests to bring joy and festivities to the couple. The wedding reception is also an opportunity for the couple to be honoured and celebrated as royalty. Two separate receptions are held (usually in adjacent rooms)—one for the bride and another for the groom. The wedding reception is also when the couple's marriage contract is signed, and the bride is veiled. The festivities include the hora, a circle dance, and the mezinke tanz, a concluding dance of the night honouring parents who have married off their last child.

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The signing of the Ketubah (marriage contract)

The signing of the Ketubah, or the Jewish marriage contract, is a longstanding tradition that has been an essential part of Jewish weddings for more than 2,000 years. The Ketubah is mentioned in the Bible, specifically outlining how much a groom's family would pay the bride's family upon marriage. The earliest surviving Ketubah, written in Aramaic, is from 440 B.C.E.

The text of the Ketubah includes the logistics of the wedding, such as the date, place, and names of the bride and groom. It also includes the husband's declaration toward his wife, including his promise to provide. The Ketubah outlines a settlement payment due in the case of divorce, as well as the amount the wife brings to the marriage through her dowry. The contract is in effect from the time it is signed until "forever".

The Ketubah is signed during a separate ceremony that takes place before the wedding. It is often a more intimate event and includes its own rituals and practices. The document is filled out, reviewed, and signed by the Ketubah witnesses. The Ketubah outlines the terms of marriage for the couple, which may be traditional or more secular, and must be agreed upon for a Jewish wedding to take place.

In more contemporary Jewish weddings, the writing often includes more egalitarian, relationship-focused words that the couple composes themselves or purchases from another source. Many couples choose to include their vows in the marriage contract, while others incorporate poetry or song. In the case of interfaith couples, the Ketubah text may focus on their love, commitment, and partnership, rather than religious traditions and customs.

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The veiling ceremony (Badeken)

The veiling ceremony, or Badeken, is one of the most emotional moments in a Jewish wedding. It is a ceremony where the groom veils the bride, and it usually takes place immediately before the chuppah, or canopy, under which the couple stands during the wedding ceremony. The term "badeken" comes from the Yiddish word "to cover".

The custom of veiling the bride originates from the story of Rebecca in the Bible, who covered her face when she first met her groom, Isaac. The veil symbolises modesty and the groom's interest in the bride's inner beauty, which will never fade. It also emphasises the innate modesty of a Jewish woman.

During the ceremony, the groom, accompanied by a procession, goes to the bridal reception room, where the bride is usually seated on a throne. He then covers her face with a veil. In Sephardi communities, the groom walks down the aisle to meet the bride, places the veil over her, and accompanies her towards the chuppah, as if welcoming her into his home.

In modern times, the veiling ceremony has been criticised for its implication that the bride needs to be modest and demure, and that the groom is confirming or possessing her. However, new interpretations have been applied, and some couples choose to perform a veil-free badeken, where both the bride and groom are led into a room with their eyes closed and stand back-to-back. They are then invited to turn around, open their eyes, and accept each other for who they are.

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The wedding meal

The wedding feast is a fun and lively celebration for the couple and their guests. It is expected that the guests bring joy and festivities to the couple. The meal is preceded by the Hamotzi blessing, said over the bread, symbolising the beginning of the meal. This blessing serves as a reminder of the importance of sustenance, community and celebration within the context of the marriage covenant.

During the meal, guests are encouraged to participate in the dancing and entertainment. The hora, or chair dance, is a popular tradition where the bride and groom are hoisted above the crowd on chairs while guests dance in a circle around them. The bride and groom are also seated while guests dance before them with masks, costumes and props. The Krenzl dance is performed by the bride's mother, who wears a wreath of flowers, while her daughters dance around her. The Mizinke, or Mezinke Tanz, is performed for the parents of the bride or groom when their last child is wed.

The meal is concluded with the birkat hamazon, or blessings after the meal. Guests are handed booklets of prayers, called benchers, and the seven wedding blessings are repeated. Finally, the blessing over the wine is recited as two glasses of wine are poured together into a third, symbolising the creation of a new life together.

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The Hora (circle dance)

The Hora, or chair dance, is a staple of Jewish wedding receptions. It is a joyous and popular tradition where guests dance in a circle, with men and women often separated, holding hands or linking arms and moving with a grapevine step. The dance is accompanied by the infectious sound of "Hava Nagila".

During the Hora, the bride and groom are traditionally seated on chairs and lifted into the air by their guests, holding onto a handkerchief or cloth napkin. In some cases, the bride and groom are hoisted high above the crowd. The elevated couple tries not to look down or fall, while their friends and family dance ecstatically around them. This act of entertaining the newlyweds is considered a mitzvah (good deed) and an obligation.

At traditional Jewish weddings, the Hora may also involve guests dancing in front of the seated couple, wearing masks, silly costumes, and using props. The dance is a symbol of the community's participation in the couple's happiness and their obligation to bring joy and festivities to the newlyweds.

The Hora is a hallmark of Jewish weddings, reflecting the importance of dance, music, and celebration within the community. It is a time for guests to come together and share in the joy of the newly married couple, creating lasting memories of the special day.

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The breaking of the glass

The tradition is said to symbolise many things. One interpretation is that it is a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and that even at the height of personal joy, we recall the pain and losses suffered by the Jewish people and remember a world in need of healing. The sound of the breaking glass is also thought by some to be intended to scare away evil spirits.

The fragility of the glass is thought to suggest the frailty of human relationships, and the implied prayer, "As this glass shatters, so may your marriage never break", reflects this. Another interpretation is that by breaking the glass, all potential cracks in the relationship are transferred onto the glass, and the relationship should remain seamless and wonderful.

Some couples choose to have a memento made from the shards of the glass, such as a mosaic, to be displayed in their marital home.

Frequently asked questions

There are several rituals and traditions that take place at a Jewish wedding reception. The bride and groom are seated on chairs and guests dance before them with masks, silly costumes, and props. The Hora or chair dance is another popular tradition where the bride and groom are hoisted high above the crowd on chairs while guests dance around them in a circle. The wedding meal is ended with the birkat hamazon, or blessings after the meal, and the seven wedding blessings are repeated.

The wedding ceremony is considered a serious religious event. The signing of the Ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract, is one of the first rituals. This is followed by the badeken, or veiling ceremony, where the groom covers the bride's face with a veil. The chuppah is a canopy held up by four poles that symbolizes the shelter and privacy of the home that the couple will create. The bride circles the groom seven times under the chuppah, symbolizing the creation of a new family.

The wedding feast is considered a fun, lively celebration for the couple. It is expected that guests bring joy and festivities to the couple. The newlyweds and their guests share a festive meal, which is preceded by the Hamotzi blessing, said over the bread. Dancing is a major feature of Jewish weddings, with guests dancing in separate circles for men and women.

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