Chinese Wedding Traditions And Rituals

Chinese weddings are vibrant, colourful occasions steeped in rich history and tradition. While no two ceremonies will ever look exactly the same, there are plenty of common customs to expect.

The day usually starts with the groom picking up the bride, which involves a lively affair with firecrackers, drums, gongs, or even a lion dance troupe. The bride is then surrounded by her girlfriends, who will tease the groom before handing over their friend. The groom will have to bribe them with red envelopes filled with money.

The couple will then bow to the bride's parents before heading to the groom's house for the tea ceremony, an important tradition where the couple shows respect and gratitude to their parents. The couple kneels and serves tea to both sets of parents, who then offer them a red envelope with money or gold jewellery.

The wedding banquet is a lavish affair with at least 100 guests, where guests are seated at round tables. The menu consists of symbolic, auspicious foods: a fish course for abundance, a suckling pig to symbolise the bride's purity, a poultry dish for peace and unity, and a sweet lotus seed dessert for fertility.

The Chinese Tea Ceremony

The tea ceremony is when the bride and groom serve tea to their respective families, including parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other esteemed elders. The couple kneels on pillows in front of their elders and serve them tea with the help of attendants (usually bridesmaids). The tea is served in a red tea set with the 'double happiness' symbol, and black tea is sweetened with dried longans, lotus seeds, and red dates. The couple will serve tea to the groom's family first, and then the bride's family. The bride and groom will serve tea to each elder individually, or as a pair, and each elder will receive a total of two cups. The couple will address the elder with their kinship term and say, " [Kinship term], please have some tea."

After drinking the tea, the elders will give the couple lai see, which are red envelopes containing cash and sometimes gold jewellery, to symbolise luck and good fortune. The elders will also offer the couple a few words of wisdom.

Choosing the wedding date

Many couples consult a fortune teller, Chinese monk, or Feng Shui master to choose an auspicious date. The couple's Chinese zodiac signs and birthdays will also play a significant role in selecting the perfect date. It is considered unlucky to wed on birth or death dates, so these should be avoided. This includes the birthdays of the bride, groom, parents, and any unmarried siblings, as well as death dates of relatives.

There are several other factors to consider when choosing an auspicious date:

• Years with a 'double spring' are considered auspicious, especially if it is also a leap year. A 'double spring' means the year has two 'Beginning of Spring' dates, marking the end of winter and the start of new life.
• Avoid the months of March, July, and September, as these months consist of ghost festivals: Ching Ming Festival, the Hungry Ghost Festival, and the Chung Yeung Festival.
• According to Chinese legend, the Evil Spirit San Niang vowed to ruin the marriages of couples wed on the 3rd, 7th, 13th, 18th, 22nd, and 27th of every month. Therefore, these dates are considered inauspicious.
• The Eight Characters of Birth Time of the bride and groom should be considered. The wedding date should not conflict with the gods governing these eight characters.
• The date should be governed by 'Tian De' or 'Yue De' and should not conflict with the groom's wealth star or the bride's husband star.
• In the Chinese zodiac, certain signs conflict with each other, such as Ox and Sheep, Rat and Horse, and Dragon and Dog. It is considered unlucky to marry in a month or day that conflicts with your zodiac sign.
• Priority should be given to the bride's birthday when choosing the wedding date. Ignoring this rule is believed to lead to an unhappy marriage and possible divorce.
• The physical condition of the bride and groom should be considered. If one is sick or unwell, the wedding should be delayed to avoid affecting the harmony of their new life together.
• Choosing a wedding date during a holiday or festival can be advantageous, as it adds a festive atmosphere and allows relatives and friends to attend in a warm and happy setting.

Overall, the process of selecting an auspicious wedding date in Chinese culture involves a combination of consulting experts, considering zodiac signs and birthdays, avoiding unlucky dates, and ensuring the physical well-being of the couple.

Picking up the bride

Traditionally, the groom would lead a procession, accompanied by a child (to symbolise future sons). They would be followed by attendants with lanterns, banners, musicians, and a dancing lion. Today, the groom's journey to the bride's house can involve anything from a procession of several luxury cars to firecrackers, the playing of drums or even a lion dance troupe.

Upon arrival at the bride's house, the groom and his groomsmen would be met by the bride's friends, who would refuse to "surrender" her until they were satisfied with red packets of money. The groom would then have to pass specific "tests" to prove his worth and determination to marry the bride. These tests, also known as "door games" or "Chuangmen", are prepared by the bridesmaids and can include anything from trivia questions about the bride to eating something spicy or sour.

Once the groom has passed all the tests, he is allowed to enter the bride's room, where he must find her shoe, which will have been hidden. Only then can the couple move on to the next part of the wedding ceremony.

The hair combing ceremony

> May you be together all your lives from beginning to end. May you have a harmonious intimate marriage till old age. May you fill your home with your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. May you enjoy abundant wealth and a long-lasting marriage.

After the ceremony, the couple eats a bowl of glutinous rice balls, symbolising a perfect and long-term marriage. The couple must wait until the candles burn out before they go to sleep.

The wedding banquet

The banquet is a grand affair with at least 100 guests, and the larger banquets can have several hundred. All close and extended relatives and friends are invited to announce the marriage of the happy couple. Guests are seated at round tables, with the banquet lasting around two hours.

During the banquet, the bride will typically change into a red qipao (a long Chinese wedding dress) halfway through the meal. A slideshow of childhood photos from both sides is also customary, as is a raucous "yam seng" (cheers) toast made towards the end of the reception to congratulate the groom.

Both families will also visit each table to receive blessings from the guests. There will be speeches, songs, and possibly a slideshow. The parents and grandparents are served dinner first and are honoured during the speeches.

Frequently asked questions