Who Hosts, Who Toasts: Understanding The Role Of A Wedding Host

The host of a wedding is responsible for ensuring the day runs smoothly and that guests are happy. Hosts greet and welcome guests, guide them to the gift table, and show them to their seats at the reception. They also coordinate vendors as they arrive, introducing themselves and finding out if they have any special requests or needs. Traditionally, the bride's parents host and pay for the wedding, but nowadays, costs are often distributed among the bride's parents, the groom's parents, and the couple themselves. The host is not necessarily the person who pays, but the person who makes decisions, greets people, decides who and how much to tip, and deals with any problems that arise.

The bride and groom's responsibilities

The bride and groom's main responsibility is to get married, but there are many other tasks to be completed before, during, and after the wedding.

Before the Wedding

The bride and groom should work together to make planning decisions, share the workload, and ensure both are happy with the plans. This includes choosing a date, style, and site for the wedding, as well as coordinating invites, flowers, and photographers. The couple should also shop for wedding bands, write their vows, and create a guest list.

The bride traditionally chooses her bridesmaids and honour attendant, while the groom selects his groomsmen and best man. The groom also arranges and pays for the marriage license and officiant's fee and reserves hotel rooms for out-of-town guests.

During the Wedding

The bride and groom should arrive on time for the wedding and greet their guests. They should also be present for the first dance and cake-cutting. The groom should bring the bride's ring and ensure that the officiant's fee is paid.

After the Wedding

The bride and groom should send thank-you notes for all gifts and collect wedding photos and videos from their guests. They may also need to follow up on the return of any rented clothing items.

Jointly

The couple should agree on a budget and decide how to divide the tasks and responsibilities. They should also select vendors and establish the overall style and vibe of the wedding.

Individually

The bride and groom each traditionally handle certain details individually. The bride chooses her bridesmaids and buys gifts for her attendants and the groom. The groom selects his groomsmen and purchases gifts for them and the bride.

The role of the best man

Pre-Wedding Responsibilities:

The best man has a number of duties in the lead-up to the wedding, including:

• Supporting the groom with all wedding attire needs, such as helping with final suit selections and putting together emergency kits for the groomsmen.
• Planning and organizing the bachelor party, consulting with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes.
• Collecting money from the groomsmen and purchasing a gift for the groom.
• Providing emotional support and a listening ear to the groom throughout the planning process.
• Attending pre-wedding events such as the engagement party, shower, ceremony rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner.
• Helping the groom and groomsmen to pick out their wedding attire and coordinating the purchase or rental of the outfits.
• Coordinating travel and accommodation arrangements for the groomsmen.

Wedding-Day Responsibilities:

On the day of the wedding, the best man's responsibilities include:

• Ensuring the groom and groomsmen arrive at the venue on time.
• Holding onto the wedding rings and any other important items, such as the groom's phone or wallet.
• Welcoming and greeting guests, as they often know a large portion of the guests.
• Signing the marriage license as a witness, along with the maid of honor.
• Giving a well-crafted speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Mingling at the reception and ensuring everyone is having a good time, including dancing with the maid of honor.
• Helping to emcee or fill in if there are any issues with the DJ or band.
• Assisting with the collection and safe-keeping of gifts.
• Decorating the getaway car, if applicable.

Post-Wedding Responsibilities:

Even after the wedding is over, the best man still has a few responsibilities to fulfil, such as:

• Returning the groom's clothing and ensuring any rented attire is returned on time and in good condition.
• Checking in with vendors to ensure all wedding-related expenses are handled and outstanding payments are settled.
• Transporting gifts to the couple's home or another safe location.

Overall, the best man plays a crucial role in supporting the groom and ensuring that the wedding day runs smoothly.

The role of the maid of honour

Before the wedding, the maid of honour's duties include providing emotional support, attending wedding dress fittings, and coordinating the bridesmaids' activities, such as dress fittings, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. She also helps with preparatory tasks, like addressing invitations and keeping records of gifts.

On the wedding day, the maid of honour helps the bride get dressed and accompanies her to the ceremony. She signs the marriage license as a witness, arranges the bride's veil and train, and holds her bouquet. She also ensures the bride eats, drinks, and stays hydrated throughout the day. At the reception, she gives a speech, dances with the bride, and organises the bridesmaids for formal pictures.

After the wedding, the maid of honour ensures that all wedding cards and gifts are delivered to the couple and that any remaining bridal party administrative tasks are completed.

The maid of honour is also responsible for her own expenses, including her attire, travel, and accommodation.

In summary, the maid of honour plays a crucial role in providing support, keeping things organised, and ensuring the bride's happiness and comfort throughout the wedding journey.

The host's responsibilities

The host of a wedding is responsible for welcoming and greeting guests, introducing themselves, pointing guests in the direction of the guest book, coat racks, gift table, and restrooms, and assisting them, especially those who are elderly or have special needs. The host should arrive early, be well-groomed and dressed appropriately, and be eager to assist. They may also be asked to help with a quick clean-up after the ceremony and transport items to the reception site if it's at a different location.

The host should check in with vendors, introduce themselves, and find out if they have any special requests or needs, re-checking in with them periodically. They should also keep an eye on the door and meet any late arrivals to give them a quick update. It is the host's responsibility to ensure everyone stays on schedule and that everything runs smoothly.

If it's a buffet-style meal, the host should decide with the DJ, wedding coordinator, or others who will be dismissing tables and ensure that parents and grandparents go right after the wedding party. They should announce how dinner is served so that guests don't get restless, dismissing tables in such a way that ensures a speedy service and a prompt and timely meal. The host should also watch the dining room for spills, guest needs, or service issues, and be ready to assist as needed.

The host should also attend any bridal showers and parties to which they are invited and provide support and assistance to the couple as any friend or family member would. They may share the honor with another person or couple, especially if it is a large event, in which case a person or couple may be chosen from each side of the families.

Who pays for what

While traditions around weddings are evolving, and there is no longer an official ruling on how to split the budget, it can be helpful to understand who has historically paid for each aspect of the big day.

What the Bride's Family Traditionally Pays For:

According to tradition, the bride's family pays for the majority of the wedding expenses, including the engagement party, invitations and stationery, photography and videography, the bride's attire and accessories, ceremony and reception floral arrangements, guest transportation, travel and lodging costs for bridesmaids and the officiant, and most other reception expenses.

What the Groom's Family Traditionally Pays For:

The groom's family has traditionally paid for fewer items, including the marriage license and officiant fee, corsages and boutonnieres for family members, lodging for groomsmen, rehearsal dinner costs, and reception alcohol (although this is optional). In some cases, the groom's family may also pay for the DJ or band.

What the Bride Traditionally Pays For:

The bride personally pays for the groom's wedding ring, wedding flowers and gifts for the bridesmaids, hair and makeup costs, and the groom's wedding gift.

What the Groom Traditionally Pays For:

The groom is expected to cover the cost of the engagement and wedding rings, the marriage license and officiant fee (if not covered by parents), groomsmen's boutonnieres and gifts, and the bride's wedding gift.

Modern Approaches to Wedding Costs:

Today, the approach to wedding costs is more flexible, and couples are rewriting the rules. Many couples contribute financially to their weddings, and grooms' families are also increasingly willing to split costs. According to a survey by The Knot, parents contribute to 51% of the wedding budget on average, while couples cover the remaining 49%. In some cases, couples may pay for the entire wedding themselves or ask their families to split the bill. It is essential to have open and honest conversations about finances with your partner and both families to determine how costs will be divided.

Frequently asked questions