Siblings As Best Man: Always The Right Choice?

When it comes to weddings, one of the most important decisions a groom has to make is choosing his best man. While some grooms opt for their siblings to be their best man, others prefer to choose a close friend. There are various factors to consider when making this decision, such as the groom's relationship with his sibling(s) and the potential for embarrassment during the best man's speech. Ultimately, the choice of best man is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether siblings should always be the best man.

The pros and cons of choosing a sibling as your best man

Choosing a best man is a crucial decision for any groom. While some men opt for a close friend, others choose their brother for the role. But is selecting a sibling for this role a good idea? There are several pros and cons to consider when making this decision.

Pros

One advantage of choosing a sibling as your best man is that it can relieve you of the pressure of choosing one friend over others. It can be a delicate situation, as you don't want to offend or upset your friends by picking one over the other. By choosing your brother, you can avoid this social minefield altogether. Additionally, your relationship with your sibling may transcend a straightforward friendship, making them a natural choice for this important role.

Cons

However, there are also potential downsides to consider. Fraternal bonds can be intense and fraught with rivalry, which may not make for a harmonious wedding celebration. A shared childhood also offers a wealth of stories that could be used to embarrass or humiliate you during the best man's speech. If you have multiple brothers, it can be challenging to choose just one, and you may risk upsetting the others.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to choose a sibling as your best man depends on your unique family dynamics and relationships. While it can be a convenient solution to avoid upsetting friends, it's important to consider the potential for embarrassment and the impact on your other siblings.

The groom's choice

Sibling Bond

Choosing a brother as the best man can be a convenient option for grooms, especially if they have a close and positive relationship. Brothers may offer a handy solution to avoiding the potential social minefield of selecting one friend over others, thus preventing potential hurt feelings among friends. However, it is important to remember that fraternal bonds can be intense and fraught with sibling rivalry, which may lead to an embarrassing best man's speech.

Friendships

On the other hand, selecting a close friend as the best man can strengthen the bond of friendship and provide the groom with a confidante who can help plan surprises for the wedding. A friend may also be more likely to plan a suitably eventful stag do. However, this choice may require careful consideration to avoid offending other friends.

Other Options

Ultimately, the decision of who to choose as the best man is entirely up to the groom, and there are no set rules. If a groom has multiple brothers, he can include them all as best men or groomsmen. Alternatively, the groom can opt to skip the wedding party altogether. The groom may also consider other ways to include his brother in the wedding, such as making him a groomsman, usher, or ring bearer, or asking him to give a reading or escort grandparents down the aisle.

While it is common for grooms to choose their brothers as best men, it is not a requirement. The groom's choice should consider the nature of their relationship, the potential for embarrassing moments, and the importance of including siblings in the celebration in some capacity.

Sibling rivalry

While choosing a best man is a crucial decision for any groom, it is not necessary for it to be the groom's brother. However, the groom's sibling can be a convenient choice, relieving the groom of the pressure of choosing one friend over others.

But while fraternal bonds can transcend friendship, they can also be intense and fraught, fraught with a lifetime's worth of stories that could be used for embarrassment. The author Tim Lott, who has written about the perils of sibling rivalry, chose to have both his best friend and his younger brother as co-best men at his wedding.

Parental favouritism can also play a role in sibling rivalry. Research suggests that it occurs in around 65% of families and can have long-lasting impacts on the mental health of children and family relationships. It can cause low self-esteem, childhood anxiety, depression, and behavioural problems in children, and increase tensions and conflict between siblings.

So, while choosing a brother as a best man can be a good option for some, it is not always the best choice and can depend on the relationship between the siblings.

The role of the best man

The best man is a crucial role in any wedding. While the role comes with a lot of responsibility, it is also an honour. The groom's choice of best man is often fraught with complexities, especially when it comes to siblings.

Who Should Be the Best Man?

The best man is usually the groom's best friend, but it is not uncommon for the groom to choose a sibling, particularly a brother, for this role. While it is a special bond to share with a sibling, it is not always the case that a brother will be chosen as the best man. It is entirely up to the groom to decide, and there are many factors that may influence this decision.

Siblings and the Best Man Role

If the groom has multiple brothers, it can be difficult to choose just one to be the best man. In this case, it is perfectly acceptable to have more than one best man, or to include brothers in other ways, such as groomsmen or ushers. It is also possible to include a brother and a best friend as co-best men.

The Responsibilities of the Best Man

The best man has a number of important duties, including organising the stag do and delivering a speech at the reception. The best man should be someone who is responsible and capable of handling these tasks. The groom should also feel comfortable that the best man will not embarrass him with their speech.

Advantages of Choosing a Sibling

Choosing a sibling as the best man can be a good option for several reasons. Firstly, it can relieve the pressure of choosing one friend over others, which may cause hurt feelings. Secondly, a sibling may be a safer choice in terms of avoiding an embarrassing speech, as they are family. Finally, a sibling may be a good choice if the groom does not have many close friends or if he wants to modernise a traditional wedding.

Disadvantages of Choosing a Sibling

However, there are also potential downsides to choosing a sibling as the best man. Siblings may not always get along and may have a fraught relationship. They may also have a shared childhood full of embarrassing stories that could be revealed in a speech. Additionally, some people may see choosing a sibling as a cop-out, and it could be disappointing for close friends who are not chosen.

Ultimately, the decision of who to choose as the best man is a personal one for the groom, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Other ways to include your sibling in your wedding

There are many ways to include your siblings in your wedding beyond the best man or maid of honour roles. Here are some ideas to make your siblings feel special and involved on your big day:

Involve them in the ceremony

If you have multiple siblings, invite them all to be a part of your entourage. You can have adult "flower people" or "beer boys/girls" as part of your wedding party. If your sibling has a talent for dance, ask them to dance down the aisle before you make your entrance as the bride. You can also ask a sibling to officiate the wedding, recite a reading, blessing, or inspirational quote, or even sing your first dance.

Involve them in the reception

Ask your sibling to be the Master of Games for your reception, or the "Shoe Game" Commentator. They can also be the official greeter, welcoming guests and answering any questions. If your sibling is crafty, they can help with DIY reception centrepieces. If you want to include a sibling in the first dance, you can ask them to choreograph a dance or simply join you on the dance floor during the song.

Other ways to include them

• Include them in your wedding party as a bridesman or groomsmaid
• Ask them to host the bridal shower or bachelorette/bachelor party
• Invite them to be an usher at the wedding
• Have them be the photographer or videographer for the day
• Ask them to be in charge of the guest book
• Include them in getting-ready activities like wedding dress shopping

Frequently asked questions