Planning My Brother-In-Law's Wedding: Good Idea?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to navigating family dynamics and wedding etiquette. One common question that arises is whether to include future brothers-in-law in the wedding party and to what extent they should be involved in the planning process. While some people choose to include their future siblings-in-law as groomsmen or bridesmaids, others prefer to limit their involvement to attending the wedding. Including future brothers-in-law can help build a good rapport, especially if you plan to maintain a positive relationship with your future spouse's family. However, it is essential to consider the dynamics and relationships within the family, as well as the preferences of the couple getting married.

Should your brother-in-law be a groomsman?

The groom generally selects his groomsmen based on his relationships and invites those closest to him to be a part of the bridal party. It is not mandatory to include your brother-in-law as a groomsman, and it is a personal choice.

If you are close to your brother-in-law and want him to be a part of your wedding, you could ask him to be a groomsman. You could also consider other roles for him, such as a reader or having him light candles or do a reading during the ceremony. It is also becoming more common to mix up the genders of the bridal party, so you could include your brother-in-law on the bride's side.

On the other hand, if you are not close to your brother-in-law or do not want him to be a groomsman, it is perfectly fine to decline or not ask him in the first place. "Obligation" is a terrible reason to ask someone to be a groomsman, and it is the couple's decision to choose their attendants. You can politely decline and explain that you are not comfortable or interested in the role.

Ultimately, the decision to include your brother-in-law as a groomsman is a personal choice and depends on your relationship with them and the dynamics of your wedding party.

Should you invite your brother-in-law's in-laws?

Ultimately, the decision to invite your brother-in-law's in-laws to your wedding is a personal one and depends on various factors, including your relationship with them, cultural norms, and the dynamics within your family.

Cultural Norms and Family Dynamics

In some cultures and families, it may be customary to invite extended family members, including your brother-in-law's in-laws. For example, if your family traditionally has large gatherings with distant relatives, it might be expected that you would continue this tradition at your wedding. On the other hand, if your family usually has smaller, more intimate celebrations, it may be understood that only close family members and friends will be invited.

Relationship with your Brother-in-Law's In-Laws

The nature of your relationship with your brother-in-law's in-laws can also guide your decision. If you have a close and positive relationship with them, it might be meaningful to include them in your celebration. However, if your relationship is strained or non-existent, you may not feel obligated to invite them.

Practical Considerations

There may also be practical reasons to consider inviting them. For example, if they are offering their skills or services to contribute to your wedding, such as woodworking or babysitting, some people may feel it is polite to include them as a gesture of gratitude.

Your Personal Preferences

Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you and your partner should make the decision based on what feels right for you. If you feel that your wedding day should be reserved for your nearest and dearest, and your brother-in-law's in-laws do not fall into that category, you are not obliged to invite them. Many people share the view that weddings are not the place to foster new relationships, and you should not feel pressured to include people you barely know or who are not directly related to you.

Managing Family Expectations

However, it is worth noting that family dynamics can be complex, and you may face pressure or disapproval from other family members, especially if your parents are contributing financially to the wedding. In such cases, it may be easier to invite them to avoid conflict, but this is a decision you and your partner should make together, considering your priorities and values.

In conclusion, while there is no one-size-fits-all answer, carefully weighing these factors can help guide your decision on whether to invite your brother-in-law's in-laws to your wedding.

Should you include your brother-in-law in pre-wedding events?

When it comes to pre-wedding events, the question of whether to include your brother-in-law can be a tricky one. While you may want to involve your future siblings-in-law in your wedding, you might not be sure how they would fit into pre-wedding events, especially if you don't know them well.

Firstly, it's important to consider your relationship with your future brother-in-law. If you have a good relationship and get along well, including them in pre-wedding events can be a great way to build an even stronger bond. However, if your relationship is more distant or strained, you may need to use your best judgment and discuss this with your partner.

In general, it is considered good etiquette to include your future siblings-in-law in your wedding party. This can help to strengthen your relationship with your new family and show that you value their presence and support. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that they have to be part of every pre-wedding event. If you are worried about your brother-in-law feeling left out, you can invite them to be a groomsman or bridesman, depending on their preferences and your wedding setup. This way, they will have a special role in the wedding itself and can choose to what extent they want to be involved in pre-wedding events.

Ultimately, the decision to include your brother-in-law in pre-wedding events depends on several factors. Consider your relationship, their interest in participating, and the dynamics of your wedding party. If they are keen to be involved, ensure they are included in email chains and planning meetings for events like the bachelor party. However, if they are more reserved or you sense they would prefer not to be heavily involved, a simple invitation to the events with no pressure to participate can be a considerate option.

Remember, while you may want to please everyone, your wedding is primarily about celebrating your love and commitment with your partner and those closest to you. So, trust your instincts, communicate openly, and don't be afraid to set boundaries where needed.

Should you ask your brother-in-law to be involved in planning?

When it comes to your wedding, the decision to involve your brother-in-law in the planning process is a personal one and can depend on several factors. Here are some considerations to help you decide:

Relationship and Comfort Level

Firstly, assess the nature of your relationship with your brother-in-law. If you share a close bond and feel comfortable with each other, it may be a nice gesture to include him in the planning process. On the other hand, if you barely know him or feel uncomfortable around him, there is no obligation to involve him. Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner, so only include him if you truly want to.

Etiquette and Family Dynamics

In some families, it is considered good etiquette and a sign of respect to include siblings-in-law in the wedding party and planning process. Excluding them could potentially cause family drama and strain relationships with your in-laws. However, this may not be the case in all families, and you should ultimately do what feels right for you and your partner.

Practical Considerations

If you are struggling to decide, consider the practical aspects. For example, if you need even numbers for your bridal party or groomsmen, including your brother-in-law could be a solution. Additionally, if your brother-in-law has a particular skill or interest relevant to the wedding planning, you may want to tap into that by involving him.

Communication is Key

Discuss your thoughts with your partner and ask for their input. If your partner is indifferent, consider their sibling's feelings as well. Involving your brother-in-law could be a thoughtful way to build a stronger connection with him and your future in-laws. However, if there is already tension or animosity within the family, it may be best to avoid any additional stress by keeping the planning process within your immediate circle.

Bachelor or Joint Parties

If you are hesitant to involve your brother-in-law in the entire planning process, you can opt to include him in specific aspects. For example, if you are having a bachelor or joint bachelor/bachelorette party, you can ask your best man or maid of honor to include him in the planning and ensure he feels welcomed at the event.

Ultimately, the decision to involve your brother-in-law in planning your wedding depends on your relationship, family dynamics, and personal preferences. Remember, it is your special day, so do what feels right for you and your partner while also considering the potential impact on family relationships.

Should you be worried about your brother-in-law's speech?

When it comes to planning your wedding, it's natural to want to include your future spouse's family and follow good sibling wedding etiquette. While you may not want to include your brother-in-law in your bridal party, it's a nice gesture to do so, especially if your future spouse wants you to. It can help you build a good rapport and maintain a positive relationship with your new family. However, if your brother-in-law is a bit of a joker and you're worried about his speech, you can ask your fiancé(e) to speak to him in advance about toning it down.

Now, onto the brother-in-law's speech. If you're the one giving the speech, there are a few things to keep in mind to make it a hit. First, blend humour with heartfelt moments, keeping the speech within an ideal length. Start with an introduction and a joke to grab everyone's attention and help you relax. You can share a funny story or anecdote about the couple, their journey together, and the moments that show their love and commitment. Throw in some inside jokes or stories that only you and your sibling know to make it more personal and unique. Don't forget to compliment the couple and express your genuine feelings about their relationship.

If you're worried about your brother-in-law's speech, remember that it's normal to feel anxious about what might be said. However, you can take comfort in knowing that the speech will likely be a mix of funny and sincere moments. Your brother-in-law may share personal stories, jokes, and heartfelt sentiments about the couple. While you can't control the content of the speech, you can take solace in the knowledge that it will probably be a well-balanced and dynamic toast that reflects the speaker's relationship with the couple.

In conclusion, while you may have concerns about your brother-in-law's speech, it's important to trust that he wants to celebrate and honour the couple just like everyone else at the wedding. By including him in the bridal party and involving him in the planning process, you can foster a positive relationship and ease some of your worries. Ultimately, remember that the speech will likely be a blend of humour and sentiment, leaving a lasting impression on everyone, including yourself.

Frequently asked questions