Wedding Invite Expectations: Friend Or Faux Pas?

Creating a wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning. There are many factors to consider, such as budget, venue capacity, and the couple's relationship with potential guests. While it is generally recommended to prioritize close friends and family, there may be pressure to invite acquaintances, coworkers, and family friends. Ultimately, the decision comes down to the couple's preferences and what will make them happiest on their special day.

Budget and venue

When creating a budget for your wedding, it's important to consider the cost of the venue, catering, decorations, entertainment, and other expenses. One rule of thumb is to set aside about half of your budget for the venue and catering, and then create a guest list that fits within those parameters. This may involve making some tough decisions and cutting down the guest list if your budget is tight.

The type of venue you choose will also depend on your budget and the number of guests you plan to invite. Some venues may have capacity restrictions, so it's important to consider the size of your guest list when selecting a venue. If you're having a small, intimate wedding, a backyard affair or a cozy restaurant setting may be suitable. For larger weddings, consider venues such as banquet halls, country clubs, resorts, or even a destination wedding if your budget allows.

When selecting a venue, it's also important to keep in mind the theme or style of your wedding. Do you want a rustic, outdoor setting or a more formal, indoor venue? Are there any specific requirements or restrictions, such as accessibility or accommodation for children? Considering these factors will help you choose a venue that aligns with your vision for your special day.

In addition to the venue cost, there may be other fees and taxes associated with the wedding. Service fees for wedding venues and banquet halls can range from 10% to 20% of the total cost, and sales tax may also apply to related purchases. It's crucial to factor these additional costs into your budget to avoid unexpected expenses.

Overall, when planning your budget and venue for your wedding, it's important to be mindful of your financial limitations, the number of guests you plan to invite, and the style and theme of your celebration. By carefully considering these factors, you can create a memorable wedding that fits within your budget.

Family and friends

When it comes to deciding whether to invite friends to your wedding, it's a good idea to put them into groups based on your relationships with them. Think of it like concentric "circles of trust" à la the movie *Meet the Parents*. Your inner circle is those closest to you, and as you move outward, you get to people who are less essential to the guest list.

• Evaluate the friendship: If your friend got married recently and your relationship hasn't changed since then, you should definitely return the favour and invite them to your wedding. On the other hand, if you've fallen out of touch and only hear from them once you're engaged, you're not obligated to invite them. Prioritize your guest list for those you're really close with and who have supported your relationship.
• Err on the side of caution: If you were surprised to be invited to their wedding because you're not that close, consider whether they are part of your tight-knit group. In such cases, it's better to err on the side of caution and extend an invitation.
• Practical matters: Keep your venue's capacity and budget in mind. If you have a small venue, that can be an excuse for not inviting certain friends. On the other hand, if you're hosting a casual backyard wedding with plenty of space, you can afford to be more generous with your guest list.
• Reciprocity: If a friend (who you are still close with) recently got married and had a similar or smaller headcount than your event, they should be invited. It's only okay to leave them out if your relationship has faded since their celebration or if you're keeping your guest list small.
• Plus-ones: If your friend is living with a significant other, they should be invited as a unit. For other friends in serious relationships, it's polite to offer a plus-one, especially if you've met their partner. For single friends, offering a plus-one is not required but can be considered if your budget allows.
• Children: If you're having a child-free wedding, you don't have to invite your friends' children. However, if you have children in your life who are particularly important to you (e.g. nieces and nephews), you can include them in the wedding party while restricting the guest list to only kids in the wedding party.
• Budget and venue: These two factors will play a significant role in determining your guest list. The more people you invite, the higher the cost per person. Therefore, it's essential to come up with a target budget and create a guest list that fits within those parameters. Additionally, your venue's capacity will also dictate how many people you can invite.

Plus-ones

When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few factors to consider. Firstly, it is generally considered good etiquette to invite the spouses, fiancés, or live-in partners of your guests. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly fond of them. It is also common courtesy to invite the spouse or significant other of your officiant, as well as both parents of any ring bearers and flower girls.

For members of your bridal party, it is recommended to offer a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their time, effort, and support. This is especially relevant if they will be incurring costs for attire, lodging, and transportation.

For other guests, it is generally recommended to have clear and consistent criteria. If you offer a plus-one to one single guest outside the bridal party, it is polite to extend the same offer to all single guests. However, this may not be feasible due to budget and space constraints. In this case, you may want to consider other factors, such as whether the guest is part of a friend group or will know other people at the wedding.

When it comes to long-term couples who don't live together, it is a matter of personal preference whether to invite them as a social unit or offer a plus-one. If you are aware of the partner's name, it is polite to include them by name on the invitation. If you are unsure, you can indicate ""and guest" on the envelope.

Keep in mind that you are not obligated to invite someone just because they invited you to their wedding, especially if your relationship has changed since then. Ultimately, your wedding guest list should be comprised of people who bring you joy and who you are excited to celebrate with.

Children

When it comes to inviting children to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to remember that you are not obligated to invite children just because their parents are invited. Many couples choose to have child-free weddings, and it is generally understood that weddings are adult-only events unless otherwise specified. If you do decide to invite children, it is a good idea to set an age limit to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. For example, you could invite only children over the age of 12 or 18.

If you are inviting children, it is important to consider their needs and how you can make them feel included. This could include providing child-friendly food options, such as chicken nuggets or sandwiches, and offering soft drinks in addition to alcohol. You may also want to provide some form of entertainment for the children, such as a kids' room with toys and films, or a bouncy castle. If there will be a lot of children, you could hire a babysitter or nanny to help supervise them and give parents a break.

When it comes to seating arrangements, you have a few options. You could seat children with their parents, or you could create a separate kids' table for children over a certain age (such as 8 years old). If you choose the latter option, it is a good idea to have some adult supervision for the kids' table to ensure good behaviour and give parents a chance to relax.

Finally, keep in mind that inviting children will likely increase your costs, as you will need to provide food and drinks for them, and possibly entertainment as well. It may also impact your venue choice, as some venues have capacity limits or safety concerns that need to be taken into account when inviting children.

Mutual friends

When it comes to mutual friends, there are a few things to consider when deciding whether or not to invite them to your wedding.

First and foremost, evaluate the friendship. If you have a strong relationship with your mutual friend and they have supported you throughout your journey with your partner, then they should definitely make the guest list. On the other hand, if you have drifted apart or fallen out of touch, you are not obligated to invite them, especially if you are having an intimate wedding.

Another factor to consider is the potential impact on your friendship. If not inviting them could create tension or hurt their feelings, you may want to reconsider. This is especially true if you have a large group of mutual friends, as the exclusion of one person could lead to an awkward dynamic within the friend group.

Additionally, take into account the nature of your wedding. If you are having a large celebration with many guests, it may be appropriate to include mutual friends, even if you are not extremely close. However, if you are planning a small, intimate gathering, you have more flexibility to exclude certain friends.

It is also worth noting that the dynamics within your friend group may come into play. If you are inviting some mutual friends but excluding others, it could create an imbalance and potentially cause hurt feelings.

Ultimately, the decision to invite mutual friends depends on the specific circumstances and the nature of your relationships. Be mindful of their feelings, but also remember that it is your special day, and you should celebrate it with the people who are closest to you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions