Wedding Gift Etiquette: To Buy Or Not To Buy?

Wedding gift etiquette is a nuanced topic and opinions vary. While some people believe that it is rude not to give a gift, others argue that if you are not invited to the wedding, you are not expected to send one. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and depends on various factors, such as your relationship with the couple, the reason for your absence, and your financial situation.

Wedding gift etiquette

So, you've received a wedding invitation and you're unable to attend – now what? While it's considered good manners to send an RSVP as soon as you know you can't make it, what about a gift for the happy couple? Is it rude not to send one, or is that reserved for those attending the wedding?

Well, it depends. Wedding gift etiquette varies, and there's no definitive answer. If you're unable to attend due to financial constraints, it's perfectly acceptable to send your regrets and well-wishes, along with a card, rather than a gift. This is especially true if you don't know the couple well, such as in the case of a colleague or distant relative.

However, if you're close to the couple and are unable to attend due to a scheduling conflict, you may want to consider sending a gift to show your support and celebrate their union. This is where it gets tricky, as there are differing opinions on what type of gift to send and how much to spend.

Some suggest that, since you're not attending, you can spend a little more on the gift, while others argue that, as the couple isn't paying for your seat at the table, you can spend less. If you're sending cash, it's generally recommended to spend at least $25, with the amount increasing depending on your closeness to the couple. If you're sending a physical gift, it's thoughtful to choose something from the couple's registry or a practical keepsake, like barware or a blanket.

The timing of your gift is also important. Ideally, you should send it before the wedding, so the couple knows you're thinking of them. However, traditional wedding gift etiquette allows you up to a year after the wedding to send a present.

In conclusion, whether or not to send a wedding gift if you're not attending depends on your relationship with the couple and your financial situation. If you do send a gift, consider the type of gift and the amount you spend, and try to send it before the big day.

Sending a card

If you know the couple well, you might consider including a personal note in the card. This could be a heartfelt message expressing your sadness at not being able to attend and your excitement for their future together. You could also share a favourite memory or a funny anecdote that reflects your relationship with the couple. Adding a personal touch will make your card stand out and show that you care.

When choosing a card, opt for one that is elegant and tasteful. You might want to select a design that reflects the couple's style or the theme of their wedding. If you're feeling creative, you could even make your own card. This adds a unique and special touch to your well-wishes.

If you want to include a gift with your card, a small token is often appreciated. This could be a voucher, a bottle of bubbly, or a small gift that reflects their interests. You could also consider a group gift, especially if you are close to the couple but unable to attend the wedding. This option allows you to contribute to a more substantial present without breaking the bank.

Remember, the most important thing is to express your congratulations and best wishes for the couple's future together. Whether you send a card on its own or include a small gift, your thoughtful gesture will surely be appreciated.

Appropriate gift types

If you are not attending a wedding, there is no strict wedding gift etiquette or expectation. However, if you are close to the couple, you may want to consider sending a gift to show your support and congratulations. Here are some appropriate gift types to consider:

• Cash gifts: While not expected, cash gifts are always appreciated and can be a quick and easy option, especially if you are unable to attend due to a last-minute emergency.
• Physical gifts: If you are not going to the wedding, a physical gift is often more suitable, especially if you are spending less. If the couple has a gift registry, you can choose something from that list. Otherwise, consider a practical keepsake like glassware, barware, a beautiful bowl, cutlery, or a blanket. Coffee table books or art prints are more contemporary options.
• Experience gifts: An experience gift, such as a restaurant voucher, cinema membership, cooking class, or afternoon tea, can be a thoughtful way to personalize the gift for the couple and give them a post-wedding date night.
• Personalized gifts: For close friends or family members, consider a personalized gift that reflects their interests. For example, a framed print of the couple or a private cooking class they can enjoy together.
• Group gifts: If you are not very close to the couple, a group gift or a small token gift, such as a voucher or a bottle of bubbly, can be a thoughtful way to express your congratulations without going overboard.

Remember, the most important factor when deciding on an appropriate wedding gift is your relationship with the couple and your budget. If you are unable to attend the wedding due to financial constraints, don't feel pressured to send an expensive gift—a nice card is also completely acceptable.

Gift timing

If you are not attending a wedding, it is generally considered thoughtful to send a gift to the couple before their wedding day. Sending a gift before the wedding allows the couple to appreciate it amid the excitement leading up to their special day. However, if unforeseen circumstances lead to a delay, it is considered acceptable if the gift arrives a little later. According to traditional wedding gift etiquette, you have up to a year after the wedding date to send a present. Most experts recommend delivering gifts within three months of the wedding, even if you are not attending. The key is to ensure the gift reaches the couple within a reasonable timeframe, allowing you to express your warm wishes and congratulations on their marriage.

Gift cost

If you are not attending a wedding, it is generally recommended to still send a gift to the couple. However, the cost of the gift is flexible and depends on your relationship with the couple, your budget, and your reasons for not attending.

According to Zola, the average person spends $50 to $100 on a wedding gift. Here is a breakdown of gift costs based on your relationship with the couple:

• Coworkers or distant relatives: $50 to $75
• Friends or relatives: $75 to $100
• Close friends, family members, or wedding party members: $100 to $150 or more

If you are not attending due to financial constraints, it is perfectly acceptable to send a nice card instead of a gift. If you are unable to attend due to a scheduling conflict, you may want to spend a bit more on a gift, but this is not required.

In the UK, cash gifts are less common, and the value of gifts varies more widely. In Ireland, it is customary to 'cover the cost of your meal', which is typically €80 to €150 per person. However, if you are not attending the wedding, you can simply spend whatever you can afford and feel is appropriate.

If you are giving a cash gift, it is recommended to send it ahead of time rather than bringing it to the wedding, as it may get misplaced during the event. If you are giving a physical gift, it is preferable to send it to the couple's home rather than bringing it to the wedding, to reduce the number of things the couple needs to keep track of on the day.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and there is no minimum or maximum amount that you should spend. The most important thing is to spend what feels comfortable and generous for you.

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