Junior Rasmussen
There is a lot of pressure on newlyweds to have sex on their honeymoon, but it is normal not to. Sex and relationship experts agree that intimacy can come in many different forms, and it is important to remember that marriage is a long-term commitment. Honeymoons can be exhausting, and it is okay to feel too tired to have sex. Open communication is key to ensuring that both partners are on the same page and can manage expectations.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Honeymoon without sex | Normal |
| Honeymoon with less sex | Normal |
| Honeymoon with sex | Normal |
| Reasons for less/no sex | Exhaustion, stress, mismatched sex drives, etc. |
| Managing expectations | Having open communication, planning, and balancing activities with rest |
| Health concerns | Urinary tract infections (UTIs) |
| Societal pressure | Historical expectations, lacy lingerie, etc. |
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What You'll Learn
Honeymoon sex is not the pinnacle
While sex is an important part of relationships, and it's understandable that you want to start your marriage off with a bang, it's not the be-all and end-all of your honeymoon. The honeymoon is not supposed to be the pinnacle of your relationship, but rather a chance to lay the foundation for your future together.
There are many reasons why couples may not have sex on their honeymoon. They may be too tired from all the wedding planning and socialising, or too busy sightseeing and exploring. They may also be feeling the pressure to perform, which can cause stress and anxiety. For women, there's also the risk of contracting a urinary tract infection (UTI) after sex, especially after a lot of sex, which is not how anyone wants to remember their honeymoon!
It's absolutely OK to feel nerves and anxiety about your honeymoon, and it's natural to have questions and concerns. Managing expectations is important, and it's key to remember that all couples are different. Some have sex a few times a month, while others have sex a few times a week. Being honest with your partner and prioritising sex that works for both of you will help keep you connected intimately.
Instead of focusing solely on sex, think about your honeymoon as a way to connect with your partner in all sorts of different ways. Take advantage of this special time together to have conversations about what you want from your future together, in terms of both your sex life and all the other important components of your life as a married couple.
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Managing expectations
Open and Honest Communication:
Open communication is essential for ensuring both partners are on the same page. Talk with your partner about what sex and intimacy mean to them, and allow these conversations to facilitate a deeper understanding and connection. Be honest about your needs, desires, and expectations, as all couples are different. Prioritize creating a safe and non-judgmental space to express your thoughts and feelings.
Expand Your Definition of Intimacy:
Intimacy can manifest in various forms beyond sexual intercourse. Remember that the honeymoon is about laying the foundation for your married life together and strengthening your bond through different types of connections. Explore other ways to be intimate, such as emotional vulnerability, shared experiences, and quality time together.
Address Mismatched Sex Drives:
If you notice a mismatch in sex drives, it's important to address it early on. Consider ways to rekindle your mutual desire and explore new avenues to spice things up. This could include introducing erotic fiction, trying new foreplay techniques, or even seeking couples' therapy to enhance your sexual connection.
Plan for Rest and Relaxation:
Remember that your honeymoon is also a vacation, and proper rest is essential for maintaining physical and emotional intimacy. Balance your sightseeing and adventures with downtime to relax and recharge. Fatigue and exhaustion can impact your sex drive, so ensure you prioritize self-care and create space for intimacy to unfold naturally.
Forget the Stereotypes:
Society often portrays the honeymoon as a time of incessant passion and sexual exploration. However, it's important to recognize that these stereotypes can be misleading and create unnecessary pressure. Embrace the uniqueness of your relationship and focus on what works best for both of you, rather than comparing your experience to societal expectations or other couples' experiences.
Create a Sexual Menu:
As suggested by relationship expert Ross, consider creating a "sexual menu" together. This menu can include a range of sexual experiences and desires that you and your partner might like to explore during your honeymoon and beyond. By doing so, you can expand your sexual repertoire and ensure that both of your needs and interests are considered.
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Preventing UTIs
It is perfectly normal for couples to not have sex on their honeymoon. Many factors can contribute to this, such as exhaustion from outdoor activities, stress, mismatched sex drives, and the pressure to perform. It is important to remember that the honeymoon is also a vacation, and couples should balance their adventures with rest and intimacy. Open communication about needs and expectations is crucial to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Now, if you are planning to have sex on your honeymoon, it is important to take steps to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs), which are common in women after intercourse. Here are some ways to reduce your risk:
- Drink plenty of water before and after sex. This will help flush your system and keep bacteria from gaining a foothold in your urinary tract. Aim for about eight glasses of water a day unless advised otherwise by a healthcare professional.
- Urinate before and after sexual activity. This will help prevent bacteria from entering and growing in the urethra, which is the tube that empties urine from the bladder.
- Use a vaginal lubricant during intercourse. Friction during sex can irritate the urethra and the tissues around the genitals, making it easier for bacteria to cause an infection.
- Practice good genital hygiene before and after sex. Clean your genital and anal areas, wiping from front to back, to reduce bacteria in the area.
- Take cranberry pills or drink cranberry juice. There is evidence that cranberry products can protect against UTIs by preventing bacteria from adhering to the cells of the bladder.
- Consider taking probiotics. Probiotic supplements or probiotic-rich foods such as kimchi, sauerkraut, and kefir can help maintain a healthy balance of bacteria in the body.
- Avoid using douches, powders, or sprays on the genitals. These products can wash away protective bacteria, leaving you more susceptible to infection.
- If you have a history of UTIs, consult your doctor before your honeymoon. They may prescribe preventative medication to reduce your risk of infection during your trip.
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Communication is key
There is a lot of pressure on newlyweds to have sex during their honeymoon. However, it is perfectly normal for couples not to have sex during this time. The honeymoon is also a vacation, so couples will likely be sightseeing and exploring, and may be too tired to have sex. It is important to balance vacation adventures with rest and relaxation.
If you are feeling hurt or rejected by your partner's lack of interest in sex, it is important to talk to them about it. Try to do this when you are both feeling calm and in a good headspace. Explain how you are feeling, and ask them to explain how they are feeling. It may be that they are feeling pressured or stressed, and that this has nothing to do with a lack of attraction.
If you are struggling to communicate about sex, it may be helpful to see a sex therapist.
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It's about celebrating your decision to spend your lives together
It's completely normal for couples to feel pressured to have sex on their honeymoon. Historically, it was expected that newly married couples would have sex for the first time on their wedding night, and even though we've moved on from that, the pressure of the "hot honeymoon" remains.
However, it's important to remember that the honeymoon is about more than just sex. It's about celebrating your decision to spend your lives together and laying the foundation for your future as a married couple. This involves having open and honest conversations about your needs, expectations, and hopes for the future—both in terms of your sex life and all the other important components of your life together.
It's okay to feel tired on your honeymoon and to spend time resting and recharging. After all, you've just finished wedding planning, hosted a big event, socialized with friends and family, and likely travelled to a new destination. So, don't feel pressured to have sex right away or all the time. Instead, focus on connecting with your partner in other ways and creating meaningful memories together.
If you're feeling exhausted or stressed, communicate that to your partner. Be honest about your needs and expectations, and remember that all couples are different. Some have sex a few times a month, while others have sex more frequently. The important thing is to prioritize intimacy and connection in a way that works for both of you.
So, if you're worried about not having sex on your honeymoon, remember that it's normal to have a range of experiences. The key is to relax, enjoy your time together, and focus on celebrating the start of your life as a married couple.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, it is completely normal not to have sex on your honeymoon. It is important to remember that marriage is a long-term commitment and that there is a lot more to a honeymoon than just sex. Newlyweds often feel tired and exhausted from wedding planning, hosting, and socialising, and may not be in the mood for sex.
Society has put a lot of pressure on honeymoon sex. Historically, it was expected that newly married couples would have sex for the first time on their wedding night. Today, while this tradition has been done away with, the pressure of having a "hot honeymoon" remains. This pressure can cause stress and anxiety for couples, especially when combined with the expectations of their partner.
Managing expectations is important to reduce pressure and anxiety. Open communication with your partner about your needs, desires, and expectations for sex and intimacy is crucial. It is essential to remember that intimacy can come in many different forms, and focusing solely on sex as the most important part of the honeymoon experience can be detrimental.
