Lyla Dejesus
Writing your wedding vows is a beautiful way to personalise your ceremony and express your deepest feelings for your partner. It can be a daunting task to condense all your memories, love, and hopes for your partner into a few minutes, but with some preparation, you can create meaningful and memorable vows that capture the essence of your relationship. Here are some tips to help you get started on writing your own wedding vows.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Structure | Consult with your partner about the structure and tone of your vows. |
| Tone | Consider whether you want your vows to be comedic, lighthearted, or stoic. |
| Content | Include a mix of stories, kind words, and specific promises. |
| Promises | Make 3-6 promises that are unique to your relationship and can stand the test of time. |
| Sentimentality | Be authentic and include a mix of sentimentality, playfulness, and humor. |
| Practice | Practice delivering your vows publicly and give yourself plenty of time to craft them. |
| Honesty | Address the contradictions of marriage and acknowledge that there will be hard times. |
| Individuality | Reflect on your partner's individuality and what they bring to the relationship. |
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What You'll Learn
Be realistic and acknowledge the contradictions of marriage
Wedding vows are a serious, lifelong commitment that you make in front of many witnesses. They are promises you make to one another that you intend to keep as you continue into marriage. They are meant to be a sweet exchange between you and your partner, but also a public proclamation to your family and friends.
Writing your own wedding vows is a tremendous undertaking. You might feel the pressure to perfectly and authentically capture your love, hopes, and promises. They should be realistic and acknowledge the contradictions of marriage.
The most realistic wedding vows are the ones that acknowledge the contradictions of marriage. Vows that set a marriage up for success trade promises to do it all for intentions to do your best, especially in hard times. Because there will be many hard times. And the person standing across from you at the altar is the person with whom you are choosing to navigate life's difficulties. A great wedding vow takes this reality into account so it doesn't blindside you later on. For all of the joy and love, there will be just as many fights and betrayals. The question then is: how will we repair and grow stronger each time?
Vows are an opportunity to address this very question. They shouldn't be so personal that they can't be followed, so don't make them overly cryptic or embarrassing. You've invited your family and friends to witness your vows to make your bond public, so think about your words from their point of view. Your guests want to feel included in that moment, even if they're not feeling exactly what you're feeling.
- "I will fight with you and for you. I will always strive to be patient, kind, curious, and open to the challenges we face together."
- "I promise to help, cherish, work, create, and explore this life with you. Thank you for bringing out the best in me."
- "I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals."
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Include a mix of humour and sentimentality
Wedding vows are a serious commitment, but that doesn't mean they have to be stiff or boring. In fact, funny wedding vows often make for some of the most honest and heart-warming ceremonies. They can reflect the nature of your relationship and your unique personalities.
If you and your partner enjoy joking around and making each other laugh, why not bring that into your vows? You can include a few inside jokes or funny lines, but be sure to balance them with heartfelt sentiment and sincere promises. It's easy to take funny vows too far. Remember, this isn't a roast of your partner. The goal of your vows is to convey how much your partner means to you and what you want for your marriage.
- Start with the basics of what you want to promise and then add in the humour.
- Think about what you have in common, such as quirks, tastes and hobbies.
- Go for specific and unique qualities. For example, instead of saying "We love watching movies", say something like, "I can't wait to watch Mean Girls with you for the 800th time".
- Include a funny story that highlights your partner's quirks.
- Make a playful promise, such as: "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover" or "I promise to never watch the next episode on Netflix without you, no matter how much I want to".
- Include a sentiment about how your partner has changed your life for the better. For example, "My heart was closed off before I met you, but now it's open".
- Make a sincere promise, such as: "I will stand by your side in the good and the bad" or "I dedicate myself to your happiness, success, and smile".
- Include a funny reference that your guests will understand.
- Add a touch of humour to a traditional religious vow. For example, "In the presence of God, I take you to be my wedded wife/faithful husband, even when you refuse to watch another episode of Below Deck with me".
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Practice, practice, practice
Practice makes perfect, so they say, and this is certainly true when it comes to delivering your wedding vows. You want to be confident when reciting your vows, so it's important to practice beforehand.
First, decide how you want to practice. You can practice in front of a mirror, which can help you focus on your delivery and tone. You can also practice with a trusted friend or family member. Reading your vows aloud to someone else can be invaluable, as it helps you to refine your vows and make them more meaningful. It also helps you to feel less nervous on the day.
When you practice, it's a good idea to have your wedding vows written down. You can use a fresh copy, or write them in a vow booklet, which can be a nice keepsake. You could also use a specially-made vow booklet, which can add a personal touch. If you're practicing with a friend or family member, you can ask them to give you feedback on your delivery and tone.
While it's important to practice, you don't need to memorise your wedding vows. It's more important to capture the tone and speed you want, rather than reciting your vows word-perfectly. You want to ensure your delivery is natural and heartfelt, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to memorise every word.
Practicing your wedding vows is an important part of preparing for your big day. It helps you to feel confident and ready to deliver your vows in front of your loved ones. So, give yourself plenty of time to practice and refine your vows until they feel just right.
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Make it personal and heartfelt
Writing your own wedding vows is a great way to personalise your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. Here are some tips to make your vows heartfelt and meaningful:
Reflect on your relationship
Think about the moments you've shared and how your partner has impacted your life. What are your happiest memories together? What are you grateful to your partner for? Consider the challenges you've faced together and how you've grown as a couple. Reflecting on your relationship will help you identify what truly matters to you and guide the tone and content of your vows.
Express your love sincerely
Speak from the heart and be honest about your feelings. Don't worry about sounding cheesy or sentimental. If the words are genuine, they will resonate with your partner and guests. Be vulnerable and share the emotions you typically keep private. Your wedding vows are a unique opportunity to openly express your deepest love and appreciation for your partner.
Add personal touches
Infuse your vows with inside jokes, shared interests, or references that hold special meaning for you as a couple. Whether it's a shared love of pizza or a quote from your favourite movie, these personal touches will make your vows unique and memorable. They will also help your partner feel truly seen and understood.
Make it meaningful
Consider the promises you want to make and how you want to support your partner in the future. These could be traditional vows, such as "to have and to hold, for better or for worse," or more creative, personal pledges. Think about the qualities you admire in your partner and how you can commit to nurturing and supporting them.
Keep it concise
While it's tempting to include every detail of your love story, aim for brevity. Focus on the most important messages and promises. This will ensure your vows are memorable and impactful. It will also make them easier to deliver and more engaging for your guests.
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Seek inspiration from examples
Writing your own wedding vows is a beautiful way to personalize your ceremony and express your deepest feelings for your partner. It can, however, be a daunting task. Looking at examples of wedding vows can be a great way to get inspiration and ideas for your own.
Examples from Real Couples
One couple, Amy and Russell, shared the following vows:
> You are my lover and my teacher, you are my model and my accomplice, and you are my true counterpart. I will love you, hold you and honor you, I will respect you, encourage you and cherish you, in health and sickness, through sorrow and success, for all the days of my life.
Hoàng-Kim and Johnny shared simple and sweet wedding vows at their Buddhist wedding in Texas:
> For my vows, I shared how growing up I had the most beautiful example of marriage from my parents. A tidbit I shared was how my parents named me Hoàng-Kim, which means Golden Age, and I felt like every day Johnny was in my life I felt like I was living in a Golden Age. I promised to make the best and right choices for us so our marriage would be like our own Golden Age.
Adam and Haleh's vows spoke to the activities and hobbies that are an integral part of their relationship:
> With you, I feel like half of an unstoppable whole, and I can't wait to take on this life with you as my best friend and lifelong partner. I am anxious to continue our many adventures and excursions together. Exploring the best national parks on this continent, traversing the globe, playing golf and pickup field hockey, long-boarding along the beach, attending ice hockey games and concerts that range from heavy metal to Lady Gaga, and most importantly, building a home and a family with you.
Examples from Wedding Experts
Wedding vow examples from wedding experts can also provide inspiration:
> I vow to always cherish you and treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
> I promise to support you through every challenge and be your biggest cheerleader.
> I will listen to you when you need to talk, and I will hold you when you need comfort.
> I promise to be your partner in all things—whether we’re celebrating or facing hardships together.
> I vow to always be honest with you and share my heart and mind openly.
> I will love you not just in the good times, but through the challenges life brings us.
Fictional Examples
You could also draw inspiration from fictional examples in movies and TV shows. For instance, the Apache Wedding Blessing:
> Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now, there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other.
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Frequently asked questions
Start by reflecting on your relationship. Think about the memorable moments you have shared, why you want to marry this person, and how your lives have changed since you met. Consider what you love about your partner and what makes your relationship special.
Your wedding vows should come from the heart. Include three to six specific and meaningful promises that reflect your relationship and your commitment to your partner. You can also add humour, inside jokes, and references to your partner's personality traits to make your vows unique.
Wedding vows can vary in length, but most follow a basic structure and typically run from two to five minutes.
Yes, it is important to practice your wedding vows to ensure you capture the tone and speed you want. Practising will also help you feel more comfortable delivering your vows publicly on your wedding day.
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