Weddings: Guest Invites, Who To Include And How To Specify

Creating a wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Couples need to balance their own wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To help you navigate this stressful aspect of wedding planning, here are some tips on how to specify guest invites for your wedding.

How to address guest invites

There are a few things to keep in mind when addressing guest invites for a wedding. Firstly, it is important to use the correct titles or prefixes for your guests. For married couples with the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name, or you can use both partners' full names. If the couple has different last names, you can list either name first, followed by "Mr." or "Mrs.". For unmarried couples living together, list both names on the same line, with the person you are closest to first, or alphabetically. It is also worth noting that for same-sex couples, the same etiquette applies as for any other couple.

Secondly, when inviting a family with children, the outer envelope should be addressed only to the parents, with children's names listed on the inner envelope. Children under the age of 18 should be addressed as "Master" for boys and "Miss" for girls. Children over the age of 18 should receive their own invitation.

Thirdly, when inviting a guest with a plus-one, try to find out the name of their date and send two separate invitations. If this is not possible, address the outer envelope to the primary invitee and include "and guest" on the inner envelope.

Lastly, it is important to use full names and avoid abbreviations or nicknames. This includes writing out street names and state names in full. By following these guidelines, you can ensure that your guest invites are addressed correctly and your guests feel welcome at your wedding.

Who to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Start with a Master List

Begin by creating a master list of everyone you would invite if there were no limitations of space or budget. Start with immediate family and close friends, and work outwards to include colleagues, schoolmates, distant relatives, and acquaintances.

Separate Out Your Top-Tier Guests

Identify the non-negotiables, the must-haves, or the A-listers—those you simply wouldn't get married without. These are the people you are closest to and couldn't imagine celebrating without.

Consider Budget and Venue Constraints

The type of wedding you're planning and your budget will play a significant role in determining your guest list. Consider how many guests your dream venue can accommodate and whether your budget can stretch to cover the costs per guest. This may mean having to trim your initial list.

Be Fair with Family

To avoid hurt feelings, try to treat members of different families equally. For example, if you invite one aunt, consider including all aunts and uncles. This may help prevent any potential tension or discomfort.

Specify Guest Invites Clearly

When addressing your invitations, be clear about who is invited. If you're inviting a couple without their children, use their names instead of "The Smith Family." If a single guest is invited with a plus-one, write "and Guest" on the envelope or include the name of their significant other if you know it.

Handle Plus-One Invites Thoughtfully

Guests living with a significant other, even if they aren't married or engaged, should generally be invited as a unit. For other plus-one situations, you can set a cutoff, such as only inviting partners if the couple has been dating for more than a year.

Don't Feel Obligated to Invite Everyone

Remember, your wedding is a celebration of your love, and only those you love and are close to should be included. You don't have to invite everyone you've lost touch with or feel obligated to invite people just because they invited you to their wedding years ago.

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can be complicated, and it's natural to want to include everyone. However, if there are relatives who don't support your relationship, you may decide not to invite them. Have an open and honest conversation with your family to manage expectations and avoid any potential drama or negative feelings at your wedding.

Who not to invite

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky task, and it's impossible to make everyone happy. Here are some tips on who not to invite to your wedding:

Someone Who Will Add Drama

Although it's great to have guests who aren't afraid to get the party started, you should avoid inviting anyone who might cause unnecessary drama or tension. This is your special day, and you don't want to be worrying about family politics or negative situations. If you're concerned about upsetting this person, it's best to be honest and explain your reasons for not inviting them.

Someone You Don't Genuinely Want There

You might feel obliged to invite someone because they invited you to their wedding, but if you're not close to them, don't feel bad about leaving them off the guest list. Your wedding day is meant to be spent with your favourite people, so don't feel pressured to invite anyone you don't want to be around.

Someone Who Will Start a Fight

Similar to the previous point, if you have a relative or friend who is quick-tempered, especially when drinking, it might be best to leave them off the guest list. If you can't avoid inviting them, make sure your wedding planner and venue are aware of the situation, so they can help keep the peace.

Your Ex

It's best not to invite an ex to your wedding, as it could be uncomfortable for you, your new spouse, and your guests. If you're still close friends and it's unavoidable, have an honest conversation with your future spouse about it first.

Coworkers You're Not Friends With

You might feel obliged to invite your colleagues, but your wedding day is not a work gathering. Only invite the coworkers you're truly friends with outside of work, and keep the guest list private to avoid pressure from others.

Plus Ones You Don't Know

You don't have to offer a plus-one to every guest, especially if it's a new relationship and you've never met the partner. You can set a clear criterion, such as only allowing plus-ones for those in long-term relationships or those you've met.

Other People's Children

If you want a child-free wedding, that's completely valid. It's your day, and you don't have to include little ones just because their parents want them to be involved. However, respect the decision of parents who can't or won't come without their children.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want. Don't feel pressured to invite people out of guilt or obligation.

Plus-ones

Deciding on and communicating plus-ones can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

The first step is to decide who will get a plus-one. While there are no set rules, standard wedding etiquette suggests that the following guests should receive a plus-one:

• Members of the couple's immediate family
• Wedding party members
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees
• Couples who are engaged, live together, or are in a serious or long-term relationship

If you are on a tight budget or have limited space, you may need to be more selective. In this case, it is generally understood that only guests whose invitations include "and guest" will be able to bring a date.

How to Notify Guests

Once you have decided who will receive a plus-one, you need to communicate this clearly on the invitation. The traditional way to do this is with an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient (the guest or couple you know personally), and the inner envelope lists the names of those who are invited, including any plus-ones. For example, "Mr. Smith & Guest".

If you are using more modern invitations with only one envelope, or sending online invitations, be sure to address all invitees clearly. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If a guest is allowed to bring a casual date, write the guest's name followed by "and guest".

Another option is to address the invitation to the primary guest and include a plus-one note inside with the RSVP card. This note could say something like, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one".

Tips for Guests

It is important to remember that plus-one etiquette also applies to guests. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Don't sneak in a name substitution. If a second guest's name is included on the invitation, don't swap it out for someone else.
• Don't bring an uninvited guest. If your invitation did not include a plus-one, don't bring one.
• Only include a plus-one if they are guaranteed to attend.
• If you bring a guest, your gift should reflect that.
• If you bring a new partner as your plus-one, find time to introduce them to the couple.

Handling Requests for Plus-Ones

Even if you have been clear on your invitations, you may still receive requests from guests asking for a plus-one. It is a good idea to have a kind and firm explanation prepared for anyone who reaches out. For example, you could say something like, "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding and really hope to see you there!".

It is also helpful to put information about plus-ones on your wedding website. This can be as simple as stating, "Because of limited venue space, we unfortunately can't accommodate plus-ones beyond those named on the wedding invitation. We hope you understand our decision."

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question. It's worth noting that not inviting children can be an effective way to keep your guest list small. However, it's your wedding, and you should feel no obligation or pressure to invite children if you don't want to.

If you do decide to have a child-free wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and respectfully to your guests. You can do this by being explicit on your invitations that children are not invited. For example, you could write the names of only the adult guests on the outer envelope and not include the names of any children. Alternatively, you could include a specific line on the invitation, such as "We respectfully request no children, please."

However, it's important to remember that some guests may not be able to attend without their children, and you should respect their decision if they choose not to come. To avoid any confusion, you can also ask your immediate family and wedding party to help spread the word that the wedding will be adults-only, and add this information to your wedding website.

On the other hand, if you're happy to have children at your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, think about how many children you're inviting and whether you have the budget and space to accommodate them. If you're inviting families with young children, it's a nice touch to include their names on the inner envelope of the invitation. This can make the family feel welcomed and valued. You could also include children's names on the RSVP cards, so you know who is attending for your seating chart.

In conclusion, whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a personal decision that depends on your preferences and the dynamics of your guest list. Clear and respectful communication is key to ensuring your guests understand your choices, and it's always a good idea to provide alternative options for guests who may be impacted by your decision.

Frequently asked questions