Lyla Dejesus
Planning a wedding can be expensive, with the national average cost of a wedding in 2022 being $30,000. If you can't afford a wedding, there are several options to consider. You could have a small, inexpensive wedding with only your closest friends and family, get married at a courthouse, or elope and have a big vow renewal later. Alternatively, you could have a long engagement to save up for your dream wedding or cut costs by choosing a non-traditional venue, keeping the guest list small, and using a DIY approach. The most important thing is to focus on your love and marriage rather than getting stressed about debt from a lavish wedding.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Deciding how to handle gifts | Request none, create a registry website for physical gifts, or ask for money |
| Asking for money | Use your wedding website, ask the wedding party and parents to spread the word, but do not put the gift list on the invitation |
| Giving money | Cash or check in a card is the most popular method, but can also be given through a third-party app like Venmo or Zelle |
| Amount | Anything over $250 isn't expected |
| Monetary gifts | Have a long history across weddings in different cultures, such as South Asian weddings |
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What You'll Learn
Explain why you want cash gifts
Asking for cash gifts for your wedding can be a sensitive topic, but there are polite and respectful ways to do so. Here are some reasons why you may prefer cash gifts and how to communicate this to your guests:
You Already Have Household Items
If you and your partner have already acquired enough household essentials, you may not need traditional wedding gifts like kitchen appliances or home goods. You can explain this to your guests and let them know that you would appreciate the opportunity to choose items that suit your needs and preferences. This approach respects your guests' wishes to give a meaningful gift while ensuring you don't receive duplicate or unnecessary items.
You Prefer Financial Contributions for Special Projects
You may be saving up for a specific goal, such as a down payment on a house, renovations, or a dream honeymoon. By attaching your cash gift request to an actual goal, your guests will feel that their contribution has a clear purpose and will support you in achieving your dreams. This approach adds a layer of personalization and justification to your request.
You Value Flexibility and Convenience
Cash gifts offer flexibility and convenience for both you and your guests. They allow you to put the money towards experiences or items that you truly value and need. For your guests, especially those travelling from out of town, cash gifts eliminate the hassle of carrying a physical gift to the wedding.
You Want to Build a Savings Account
You may prefer to receive cash gifts to contribute to your long-term financial goals. Whether it's building a savings account, investing in your future together, or simply having the freedom to choose how to allocate the funds, cash gifts provide a versatile way to support your new life together.
How to Communicate Your Preference for Cash Gifts
When communicating your preference for cash gifts, it's essential to be thoughtful, considerate, and open. Here are some tips:
- Use polite and tactful wording: Express that their presence at the wedding is the greatest gift, and if they wish to give something more, a monetary contribution would be appreciated.
- Leverage your wedding website: Share your registry preferences on your wedding website rather than directly on the invitations. You can include the website link or QR code on your save-the-dates or invitations.
- Explain your intentions: Share with your guests how you plan to use the cash gifts. This adds meaning to their contribution and shows that you are saving for something meaningful.
- Offer alternative options: While you prefer cash gifts, some guests may still prefer to give physical gifts. You can include a small registry with a few items you truly want or suggest gift cards to your favourite stores or travel platforms.
- Spread the word discreetly: Inform your close family and friends about your preference for cash gifts and why. They can tactfully spread the word when guests inquire about gift ideas.
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Use a gift card registry
A wedding registry, also known as a bridal registry or bridal shower registry, is a gift list created by engaged couples to indicate to wedding guests the presents the couple would like to receive for their wedding.
Gift cards are a great way to politely ask for cash as a wedding present. They are a midpoint between a conventional gift and cash, and they can be used to purchase gifts that the couple truly wants or needs. It is important to remember that gift cards should be added to a traditional wedding registry, and not as a standalone request.
When creating a gift card registry, it is a good idea to add a note about why you want the gift card and what you will use it for. For example, if you are asking for travel gift cards, let your wedding guests know where you are going. This makes the experience more intimate and makes guests feel like they are contributing to something meaningful.
It is also a good idea to create a campaign with a fun story, similar to asking for monetary donations, but with specific gift card retailers instead. This will make people excited to contribute. You can also keep an accompanying story that describes how you will spend the money and set a goal, so people can contribute gift cards of any value that fill the campaign.
When making registry selections, you can add gift cards in preset amounts. So, if you need affordable options, you can add a few $25 or $50 gift cards to your favourite stores to give guests plenty of choices.
There are a variety of gift cards that you can add to your registry, including:
- Barnes and Noble
- Sephora
- Amazon
- Home Depot
- Lowe's
- Ikea
- Delta
- Petco
- Airbnb
- Blue Apron
- Visa
- Mastercard
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Create a cash fund
Cash wedding registries are becoming increasingly common, and there are a lot of advantages to them. You can use the money for anything you want, from a down payment on a house to a dream honeymoon.
If you're looking to create a cash fund for your wedding, there are a few different websites you can use. Popular options include Hitchd, Zola, and The Knot. Here's a step-by-step guide to setting up a cash fund using these platforms:
Hitchd:
- Sign up and create an account.
- Add an introduction and a photo of you and your partner.
- Design your cash fund. You can decide on the type of cash fund you want to create and add a meaningful description.
- Launch your cash fund. Set up an account with Stripe and pay a one-time fee. Then, share the website with your guests, and they can start contributing.
Zola:
- Set up a wedding registry with Zola if you don't already have one.
- Add a cash registry option. You can include information such as your financial goals and other gift options if you prefer.
- Guests can then contribute to your traditional gift registry or give cash.
The Knot:
- Choose from a list of wedding funds or create your own custom fund.
- Customize it by entering your personal details, including the fund's name, the amount requested, and a message for guests.
- Hit save, and you're all set! Guests can then contribute to your cash fund.
- Add other gifts to your registry so that guests have options besides just giving cash.
- Launch the cash fund at least six months in advance to give guests enough time to contribute.
- Make sure your registry includes a thank-you message for all guests.
- Be transparent about what the cash fund is for. Guests will be more likely to contribute if they know they're helping fund your future plans.
- Include your cash fund on your wedding website so guests can easily find it.
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Be mindful of etiquette
Wedding gift-giving and receiving is a tricky business, with many couples wondering if asking for money is a rude or taboo thing to do. However, with many couples now establishing households before the wedding, traditional gifts are not always necessary, and cash is often preferred. So, how can you ask for money instead of gifts without causing offence?
Firstly, it is important to be mindful of the fact that different cultures and regions will have their own wedding gift-giving etiquette. What is acceptable in one culture may be considered a faux pas in another. For example, giving money is more acceptable in Chinese culture, where red packets are given on Chinese New Year.
Secondly, it is generally considered poor etiquette to ask for cash on the invitation. Instead, consider creating a cash gift registry and adding the link to your wedding website. This way, guests can contribute to your future together in a way that suits their budget. It is also a good idea to provide details about where the money is going, so guests can see how they are contributing to your future. For example, you could set up a honeymoon fund, a home project fund, or a general fund for a big-ticket item.
Thirdly, be mindful of timing. It is generally considered good etiquette to send wedding invitations six weeks before the big day. Sending them out any later might be seen as inconsiderate, as it doesn't give guests enough time to make the necessary arrangements. Similarly, gifts should be sent shortly after receiving the invitation or within three months of the wedding.
Finally, as a gift-giver, there are a few things you can do to ensure your cash gift is well-received. While some people prefer to give cash anonymously, others argue that this makes it difficult for the couple to send a thank-you note. Therefore, it is generally considered good etiquette to include a card with your name on it, so the couple knows who to thank. You can also make your gift more personal by including a signed note or even a photo frame. If you are concerned about the couple having trouble cashing a cheque, consider giving cash in an envelope or registering for gift cards.
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Send thank-you cards
Sending thank-you cards to your guests is an important way to express your gratitude for their attendance and their gifts. It is recommended to send thank-you notes for gifts received before the wedding within two weeks, and for gifts received after the event, within three months. Here are some tips for sending thank-you cards when you receive cash gifts:
- Be specific about how you'll use the money: Instead of a generic "thank you for the money gift" message, let your guests know how you plan to use their monetary gift. This could be for a home renovation project, a honeymoon fund, memorable experiences, or a new puppy. This helps your guests feel more connected to you and your plans.
- Mention the amount of money received: Traditionally, it was considered inappropriate to mention the cash amount. However, today's etiquette suggests that writing down the amount received lets the gift-giver know that you received the correct amount, and it also shows that their gift will be put to good use. Use your discretion; if you think the guest may be offended by mentioning the amount, feel free to leave it out.
- Consider the relationship and tone: The tone and wording of your thank-you card will depend on your relationship with the gift-giver. For a wedding vendor or a more distant acquaintance, keep the wording formal. For a close friend or someone who worked closely with you on the wedding, include a more sentimental and personal note.
- Individualise group gifts: If you receive a group gift from a family or a couple, it is considerate to send individual thank-you cards to each person involved. This shows your appreciation for their specific contribution and allows you to thank them personally.
- Choose digital or handwritten cards: Wedding thank-you card etiquette has become more flexible. While handwritten notes are thoughtful and traditional, digital thank-you cards are also acceptable, especially for environmentally-conscious guests. You can even email thank-you notes with beautiful photos included.
- Work on the cards together: Writing thank-you cards can be daunting, so work on them together with your spouse. You can write the cards together or divide the task and conquer it as a team. Don't try to write them all in one sitting; break them down into batches and set aside dedicated time each day to tackle a few.
Remember, the most important thing is to express your sincere gratitude and appreciation for your guests' generosity.
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Frequently asked questions
It is no longer considered rude to ask for money as a wedding gift. However, the way you ask for it is important. You could say something along the lines of, "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution toward our [insert item]."
You can set up a cash fund on your wedding website or registry. This is an online money pool where guests can contribute any amount of money they like. It is easily accessible for both you and your guests. You can also add a card box at the reception for guests to place cards with money or cheques inside.
If asking for cash feels uncomfortable, you could ask for gift cards instead. You can register for gift cards from places that sell a variety of items, like Amazon or Target. You could also ask for contributions to your honeymoon fund.
