Responding To Wedding Invites: The Right Way

When it comes to replying to a wedding invitation, it's important to be prompt and courteous. A guest's first duty is to respond as soon as possible, as this helps the hosts with their planning and guest list management. It's also essential to check your schedule and consult with anyone else included in your invitation before making your response. If you're unable to attend, it's considerate to let the couple know promptly so they can invite someone else if they wish. The response format can vary, from pre-printed response cards to emails or wedding websites, and it's crucial to follow the method requested by the hosts. When writing your reply, consider the formality of the invitation and the relationship with the couple, and don't forget to include your name and the number of guests attending.

Respond promptly

A guest's first duty when receiving a wedding invitation is to respond promptly. Check your calendar and consult with anyone else included in your invitation, then make your response as soon as possible. This is important as it helps the hosts keep track of the guest list, which is a crucial and often stressful part of wedding planning. If you can't make it, letting the couple know promptly gives them the opportunity to invite someone else.

It's important to respond even if you can't attend. If you've already accepted the invitation but something comes up, call the hosts immediately. It's the courteous thing to do, and they'll need to inform the caterer that you won't be there.

When responding, be sure to use the method requested by the hosts, whether that's email, a wedding website, response cards, or no specified method. If you'd like, you can also send a handwritten response in addition to the prescribed method. This can be a nice way to show the hosts that you share their excitement for their big day.

When writing your response, base the tone and level of formality on the style of the invitation and what you think the couple would appreciate. A touch of humour is often appreciated. For a formal invitation, a guest should write in the third person, following the wording of the invitation. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Harold McGowan accept with pleasure [or regret that they are unable to accept] your kind invitation for Saturday, the nineteenth of June.

If the invitation includes an RSVP but no response card, you can reply in writing or by email. If you are unable to attend, a brief but sincere personal note is appropriate, especially if you know the hosts well. For example:

> Dear Ann and John, Rob and I are sorry to miss Margaret and Tom's wedding on June nineteenth. We wish you all the best. Yours sincerely, Brittany

Include your name

When replying to a wedding invitation, it's important to include your name in the response. The way you do this will depend on the formality of the invitation and how well you know the hosts.

If you are responding to a formal invitation, your reply should be written in the third person and follow the wording of the invitation. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Harold McGowan accept with pleasure your kind invitation for Saturday, the nineteenth of June". Here, the guests' names are included in the reply, mirroring the formal tone of the invitation.

On the other hand, if you know the hosts well, you can write a more personal note. This should still be brief and sincere. You might address the hosts by their first names and sign off with your own name. For example, "Dear Ann and John, Rob and I are delighted to accept your invitation to attend Margaret and Tom's wedding on June nineteenth. Yours sincerely, Brittany". In this case, the names of the guests are included in the reply, but in a more casual way, reflecting the nature of their relationship with the hosts.

It's important to respond promptly to a wedding invitation, so that the couple can plan accordingly. If you are unable to attend, letting them know as soon as possible will give them the opportunity to invite someone else in your place.

Check your schedule

When you receive a wedding invitation, it is important to check your schedule and respond promptly. Here are some tips to help you through the process:

Check your calendar

As soon as you receive a wedding invitation, mark the date on your calendar and check if there are any potential schedule conflicts. Be sure to also take into account any pre- or post-wedding events that you may be expected to attend, such as a rehearsal dinner or a day-after brunch. If you have a prior engagement, consider whether it is possible to rearrange your schedule to accommodate the wedding invitation. Remember, your presence at the wedding is a priority, and you should do your best to make it work.

Consult with others

If you are invited as a plus-one or are part of a family or group invitation, it is important to consult with the other people included in the invitation. Communicate with them and try to come to a consensus on whether you will be attending. It is important to be considerate of their schedules and preferences as well. If you are the only one who can attend, let the host know so they can plan accordingly.

Respond promptly

Once you have checked your schedule and consulted with others, it's time to respond to the invitation. Don't delay, as the couple is likely working with a timeline and will appreciate a timely response. If you know you are unable to attend, let them know as soon as possible. This will give them the opportunity to invite someone else in your place if they wish. Be mindful that your response is not just about numbers for catering; it is also about sharing this special moment with those they care about.

Choose your response method

The method of your response will depend on the nature of the invitation. If a response card is provided, fill it out completely and return it promptly. If there is no response card, you may respond in writing or by email. For more formal invitations, a written response is often preferred, while for informal invitations, an email or even a WhatsApp message may be appropriate. Respect the couple's preferences and use the method they have requested.

Be clear and concise

When responding, be clear about whether you are accepting or declining the invitation. If you are attending, specify if you are bringing a plus-one and include any necessary details, such as meal choices or dietary restrictions. If you are unable to attend, there is no need to provide a lengthy explanation, but a brief note expressing your regret is still appreciated. Keep your response concise and to the point, especially if you are responding by card or email.

Decide on a plus-one

When it comes to deciding on a plus-one, there are a few factors to consider. Firstly, it's important to understand what a plus-one typically entails. A plus-one allows an invited guest to bring an additional person of their choosing to the wedding. This is usually a romantic partner or date but could also be a family member or close friend.

Budget and Space Constraints

Unlimited budgets and ample space would ideally allow for every guest to have a plus-one. However, most couples have budget and space limitations, so offering a plus-one to everyone may not be feasible. Consider your resources and decide if you can accommodate additional guests.

Type of Guest

Certain types of guests are typically given higher priority when it comes to plus-ones:

• Married, Engaged, or Cohabitating Guests: It is generally considered proper etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of guests. Even if you haven't met them or aren't particularly close, it is respectful to include them.
• Wedding Party Members: Members of the bridal party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen, are often given the option of bringing a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their time, support, and efforts in the wedding preparations.
• Outlier Guests: Guests who may not know many other attendees, such as those travelling from out of town, are commonly given plus-one privileges to ensure they feel comfortable and not isolated at the wedding.
• Serious or Long-term Couples: Friends and family members who are in committed relationships, even if they are not living together, are usually considered for plus-ones, especially if you don't know their partner well.

Consistency and Criteria

To avoid any potential favouritism or hurt feelings, aim for consistency in your plus-one offerings. For example, if you offer a plus-one to one member of the wedding party, it is considerate to extend the same option to all members. Similarly, if you allow one single guest to bring a casual partner or friend, it is polite to extend the same courtesy to all single guests.

Seating Arrangements

Consider your seating arrangements and how plus-ones might fit into the overall dynamics of the event. A well-thought-out seating plan can help ensure that solo guests feel comfortable and that plus-ones are integrated seamlessly. Avoid creating a ""singles-only" table, as this may give the impression of segregating your single guests. Instead, aim for a communal feel by seating them with outgoing and friendly couples or other like-minded individuals.

Communication and Requests

Be prepared for guests to inquire about bringing a plus-one if they haven't been explicitly offered one. It is advisable to respond kindly and individually to such requests, enquiring about the nature of their relationship and explaining any limitations you may have. If you cannot accommodate their request, a polite and considerate response is essential.

In summary, deciding on plus-ones involves balancing your resources, the dynamics of your guest list, and clear communication. Remember, it's your special day, so feel free to make decisions that align with your vision and priorities!

Use the host's preferred method

When replying to a wedding invitation, it is important to use the host's preferred method. This could be by email, wedding website, response card, or no prescribed method. If the invitation includes an RSVP but no response card, you can reply in writing or by email. It is also worth noting that many couples keep their RSVP notes as keepsakes, so it is a good idea to add a personal touch.

If the host has included a response card, it is likely to include three elements: space to include how many guests are coming, space for the guests' names, and space for a short personal note to the couple. If there is an "M" preceding a blank space, your social title (Mrs./Mr./Ms./Mx.) goes first, followed by your full name. Write your name exactly as it was written on the envelope. If you are bringing a plus-one, include their full name as well.

If there is no pre-printed response card, you can write a more free-form personal message. Include your full name and the number of guests in a full sentence, as if you were speaking directly to the host. Match the level of formality of the invitation. If you are comfortable with the hosts, you can add a touch of humour.

If there is no response card at all, follow the instructions on the invitation. If the invitation says "kindly reply" with no other details, use your own stationery to reply. If an email address is provided, be sure to reply by email.

Frequently asked questions