Planning A Catholic Wedding Night: A Guide For Couples

Planning a Catholic wedding is a complex process that intertwines faith, tradition, and personal commitment. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, established by God. Couples planning a Catholic wedding should focus on the sacrament of matrimony and the spiritual and theological aspects of marriage, while also navigating practical details. Pre-marriage preparation programs offered by the Church can help couples prepare for their lifelong commitment and provide a foundation for their marriage. This guide will explore the steps to planning a Catholic wedding, from understanding the sacrament to crafting a meaningful ceremony, selecting readings and vows, and navigating the logistics of the wedding day timeline.

Pre-marriage preparation and counselling

The Church offers various forms of pre-marriage preparation and counselling to meet the diverse needs of engaged couples. These can include marriage preparation programs, retreats, or classes offered by parishes or dioceses. Some couples may even be matched with a "sponsor couple" to gain insights and mentorship. The specific format may vary, but the goal remains the same: to strengthen the couple's relationship and provide a solid foundation for their future together.

One widely recognized pre-marriage preparation course is the Catholic Marriage Prep pre-Cana Course, which is specifically designed for Roman Catholic couples. This course includes ten guided conversations covering a range of topics essential to married life, such as faith, family planning, finances, and personal values. It also includes video teaching sessions, including a presentation by Father Tom Walker on the "Sacrament of Marriage." The course offers flexibility and can be completed at the couple's own pace, making it a convenient option for busy engaged couples.

In addition to formal courses, the Church also encourages couples to seek spiritual guidance and support from their priest or deacon during the pre-marriage preparation process. This may involve meetings, interviews, or retreats facilitated by the clergy, who can provide personalized advice and help ensure the couple fulfils all necessary requirements. The priest or deacon can also assist in obtaining any necessary documents, especially in cases where one partner is Catholic and the other is not, which may require additional steps for "disparity of worship."

The pre-marriage preparation process in the Catholic Church is not just about ticking boxes or completing requirements. It is a journey of faith and love, intended to help couples build a strong foundation for their future together. By participating in these programs, couples can gain valuable insights, strengthen their relationship, and enter into their marriage with a deeper understanding of the sacrament they are about to undertake.

Selecting readings and vows

Readings

The readings for a Catholic wedding are typically selected from the Bible, including the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the Gospels. Some parishes and priests may allow readings from other sources, but it is important to check with your priest beforehand. The readings should be about marriage, love, and the different facets of love. You can work with your priest to choose readings that are meaningful to you and your partner and that reflect your beliefs and values. The priest can provide a list of approved readings, and you can also include the names of the readers in your wedding program.

Vows

The exchange of vows is a crucial part of a Catholic wedding, as these proclamations unite the couple in holy matrimony. Catholic marriage vows are based on a declaration of consent and are typically recited by the couple together in front of the priest. While many couples choose to stick with traditional Catholic wedding vows, some dioceses may allow you to add personal statements or promises. The vows can also be tailored when exchanging rings. Here is one of the most popular phrasings:

> " [Name], receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

You should work closely with your priest to choose the right vows and to ensure that your wedding ceremony follows the Catholic liturgy and rituals.

Choosing a ceremony time

When choosing a time, it's important to remember that the priest will likely have a busy schedule, with regular events such as a vigil mass or an hour of confessions. It's a good idea to get the date and time settled with the church first, as they will have more limitations than your venue. You should also consider how long you will need the church for, as there may be an evening mass that needs to take place after your wedding.

Once you have your ceremony time, you can work backwards to plan out the rest of your day. It's a good idea to be out of the church about an hour before your wedding mass begins, so you can greet early guests and give people time to pray. You could use this time to eat, rehydrate, go to confession, or relax. If you're doing a ''first look' photo shoot, you should also factor in about an hour or an hour and a half before the ceremony for this.

Other things to consider when planning your day include 5-10 minutes for a 'Daddy-Daughter first look', half an hour to get into your dress, and time for hair and makeup.

Planning the reception

Pre-Marriage Preparation

Before planning the reception, it is important to undergo pre-marriage preparation, which can take several forms. This can include meetings with a priest or deacon, marriage preparation courses, or retreats for engaged couples. These programs help couples understand the sacrament of matrimony and provide practical advice for married life. It is recommended to start pre-marriage preparation 6-12 months before the wedding.

Reception Timeline

The reception timeline can vary depending on the couple's preferences and the location of the reception venue. If the reception is held at a different location from the ceremony, additional travel time should be considered. Typically, couples who have Catholic ceremonies tend to schedule more time between the ceremony and reception for travel and portraits. The reception coverage can be around 2-2.5 hours, and the entire day can be comfortably fit within 8-10 hours.

Reception Activities

The reception is a time to celebrate with your guests and create memorable moments. Here are some activities and considerations for the reception:

• Family portraits and bridal party pictures: These can be taken before or after the ceremony, depending on the couple's preference. Allow around 25-30 minutes for family portraits and at least 30 minutes for bridal party pictures.
• Receiving line: This is when the couple exits the church after the ceremony and greets each guest. It can take about 45 minutes for 250 guests.
• Dinner: While the ceremony time is fixed, dinner can be slightly flexible, give or take 10 minutes.
• Personal vows: If you wish to share personal vows, you can do so during the reception. Keep them concise and heartfelt, reflecting your faith and the spiritual journey you are embarking on together.
• Outdoor component: If you desire an outdoor element to your wedding, you can incorporate it into the cocktail hour or reception, as Catholic ceremonies do not allow outdoor weddings.

Attire and Dress Code

When planning the reception, consider the dress code and attire requirements of the Catholic Church. Almost all churches require modest cuts and garments. Avoid plunging necklines, sheer panels, deep-back gowns, and high slits. If you prefer a less conservative dress, you can wear a complementary shawl, wrap, or cover during the ceremony and change into your preferred dress at the reception.

Keeping faith central to the night

A Catholic wedding is more than a social event. It is a sacrament—a visible sign of God's grace. This understanding is key to planning a Catholic wedding. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a covenant and a sacred bond between a man and a woman, established by God. The sacrament of matrimony is unique in that the couple themselves are the ministers, with the priest or deacon serving as a witness.

With this in mind, it is important to keep faith central to your wedding night. Here are some ways to do this:

• Understand the sacramental nature of marriage: Recognize that your wedding night is not just about the physical act, but also about the spiritual and theological aspects of marriage.
• Keep Christ at the center: Remember that your wedding night is a celebration of your love and a commitment to a shared life of faith.
• Prepare spiritually: In addition to planning the ceremony and reception, focus on preparing for a lifelong commitment. Consider participating in pre-marriage preparation programs offered by the Catholic Church, which can help you understand the sacrament of matrimony and provide practical advice for married life.
• Incorporate symbolism: Include symbolic gestures in your wedding ceremony, such as the unity candle ceremony, which allows the couple to express their commitment to each other and their readiness to take the next step together.
• Keep your faith close: Just as you might place a rosary on the rearview mirror in your car, keep your faith and a sense of humor within easy reach on your wedding night and throughout your married life.
• Focus on the bigger picture: While it's easy to get caught up in the details of wedding planning, try to maintain a broader perspective. Remember that the sacrament of marriage is about the loving and sacramental experience that God intended it to be.

Frequently asked questions