Choosing Your Bridesmaids: Etiquette And Tips

Being a bridesmaid is an honour and a memorable experience, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. From planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower to buying a bridesmaid dress, there's a lot to consider. One of the first things to think about is the cost – being a bridesmaid can be expensive, and you'll need to budget for attire, events and gifts. You'll also need to be prepared to provide emotional support to the bride and be a friendly presence for the other bridesmaids. So, if you're thinking of asking a friend or family member to be your bridesmaid, it's important to consider their feelings and expectations, as well as your own.

Discuss budgets with your bridal party before shopping for bridesmaid dresses

It is customary for bridesmaids to cover the cost of their dresses, shoes, and alterations. However, it is essential to discuss budgets with your bridal party before shopping for bridesmaid dresses. This allows you to understand how much each bridesmaid is able and willing to spend. Having this conversation early on ensures that you can choose dresses that are within everyone's budget and helps you decide if you want to cover some of the costs yourself.

To approach the topic of budgets, it is best to have a private and individual conversation with each member of your bridal party. This allows you to respect everyone's privacy and get a sense of their financial situation. You can offer a few price ranges to make the conversation easier: $100 to $200, $200 to $350, and $350+. If the dress you want costs more than some bridesmaids can afford, you can offer to pay the difference, cover alteration costs, or gift them accessories or hair and makeup services.

Additionally, you can suggest looking for pre-owned dresses or embracing mismatched looks to help your bridal party save money. You can also recommend that they look through their own jewellery and shoes or check thrift stores and second-hand websites for more affordable options.

Remember, it is important to be transparent and flexible with your bridal party to ensure everyone feels financially comfortable and respected.

Be open about your budget and don't spend more than you can afford

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honor, but it can also be a major financial commitment. It's important to be open and transparent about your budget to avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Here are some tips to help you navigate the financial aspects of being a bridesmaid while staying within your budget:

Be Upfront About Your Budget

It's essential to have honest and transparent conversations about finances from the start. Discuss your budget constraints with the bride and the rest of the bridal party. This will allow you to set clear expectations and ensure that everyone is on the same page. It's better to be upfront about your financial limitations than to struggle with expenses later on.

Evaluate Your Financial Situation

Before accepting the role of a bridesmaid, take time to evaluate your financial status. Consider the costs associated with being a bridesmaid, such as attire, travel, accommodations, gifts, and pre-wedding events. If you feel that these expenses will be a financial burden, it's okay to politely decline the invitation or discuss alternative options with the bride.

Create a Realistic Budget and Stick to It

Once you have an understanding of the expected costs, create a detailed budget for yourself. Prioritize your spending and allocate your funds accordingly. Be mindful of hidden fees and unexpected expenses by having a buffer in your budget. If there are certain costs that you cannot afford, communicate this to the couple and the bridal party, as they may be able to offer alternative solutions or financial assistance.

Plan and Save in Advance

If you have some time before the wedding, start saving early. Set aside a specific amount each month to help cover the expected expenses. Look for deals and discounts on items such as dresses, shoes, and travel. You can also suggest cost-saving measures, such as hosting events at someone's home or catering the events yourselves.

Communicate Any Financial Constraints

If you encounter financial challenges along the way, don't hesitate to speak up. Offer alternative suggestions or solutions that fit within your budget. For example, if you can't attend a bachelorette party in a far-flung location, suggest a local alternative or offer to take the bride out for a special night instead. Remember, the bride will likely understand and appreciate your honesty.

Explore Cost-Saving Measures

There are several ways to save money while still fulfilling your duties as a bridesmaid:

• Shop sales and discounts: Keep an eye out for deals on dresses, shoes, and travel. Black Friday sales and online discounts can help you find more affordable options.
• Use your resources and connections: Utilize your network to find affordable alternatives. For example, if you have a friend who is a great cook, ask them to cater the bridal shower or bachelorette party.
• DIY gifts: Instead of buying expensive gifts, consider creating personalized DIY gifts that the bride will adore.
• Split costs: Sharing costs with other bridesmaids or friends can significantly reduce your overall expenses, especially for larger items such as venue rentals or group gifts.
• Buy used or rent: Consider renting your bridesmaid dress or purchasing it second-hand to cut down on expenses. You can also rent accessories, shoes, or outfits for pre-wedding events to save money.

Remember, it's important to be mindful of your budget and only spend what you can comfortably afford. Being a bridesmaid is about supporting the bride and celebrating her special day, so don't feel pressured to exceed your financial limits. Open and honest communication about your budget will help ensure that everyone involved understands your financial situation and can work together to create a memorable experience within your means.

Be flexible with bridesmaids' preferences for dress styles

Being flexible with your bridesmaids' preferences for dress styles is a key part of bridesmaid dress shopping etiquette. While the bride should choose the colour and fabric of the bridesmaids' dresses, it is good etiquette to let them have some say in the decision, such as allowing them to choose their own dress silhouette. This is especially important if your bridesmaids have different body types and you want them to feel comfortable and confident.

If you're set on a specific silhouette, try to be flexible with custom alterations. Small tweaks like adding cap sleeves to a sleeveless dress, raising a plunging neckline, or toning down a high slit can make a big difference in how your bridesmaids feel in their dresses. You can also choose a colour or range of colours and allow your bridesmaids to select their own dresses, as long as they complement the wedding's colour palette and are of a particular length and/or fabric type.

Another option is to let your bridesmaids pick their own accessories, such as shoes, jewellery, and wraps or cover-ups. This will not only make them feel more comfortable but will also encourage them to express their unique personalities.

Remember, it's important to have private conversations about budgets with each member of your wedding party before you start shopping for bridesmaid dresses. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page and that you're considering their financial situation.

Give constructive feedback when you dislike a dress

When it comes to bridesmaid dress shopping, it's important to remember that it's the bride's big day, and so her preferences take precedence. However, it's also good etiquette for the bride to allow her bridesmaids to have some say in the decision, especially if they are paying for their own dresses.

If you dislike a dress that has been chosen for you, it's important to give constructive feedback in a respectful and considerate manner. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

• Be mindful of your language: Instead of saying "I hate this dress" or "This dress is ugly", try expressing your concerns in a more constructive way. For example, you could say something like "I feel that this particular style doesn't flatter my body type as well as I would like. Would it be possible to explore other options that might suit me better?"
• Offer specific suggestions: Rather than simply stating your dislike for the dress, try to provide specific suggestions for alternative styles, colours, or silhouettes that you think would work better for you. This shows that you are actively engaged in the process and are willing to collaborate.
• Be mindful of the bride's vision: Remember that the bride has a specific vision for her wedding, and the bridesmaid dresses are a part of that. Try to understand her overall theme and colour palette, and work within those parameters when providing feedback.
• Communicate openly and honestly: It's important to be direct and honest about your concerns, but do so in a respectful manner. Schedule a private conversation with the bride to discuss your thoughts and be open to compromise.
• Consider the budget: Keep in mind that the bride and other bridesmaids may have a specific budget for the dresses. When providing feedback, try to suggest options that are within a similar price range to avoid adding financial strain.
• Focus on finding a solution: Instead of simply criticising the dress, try to offer solutions or alternatives. For example, you could suggest minor alterations or adjustments to the dress to make it more suitable for you.

Remember, it's important to approach this situation with grace and understanding. The bride is likely trying to accommodate multiple opinions and budgets, which can be challenging. By providing thoughtful and constructive feedback, you can help ensure that everyone feels comfortable and confident on the big day.

Plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower

Planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower is a key part of being a bridesmaid. Here's a detailed plan for how to do it:

Planning the Bachelorette Party

The bachelorette party is traditionally planned by the maid of honour, a small group of bridesmaids, or close friends. However, there are no set rules, and the bride can handle the planning herself. It's best if one or two people lead the planning to avoid too many conflicting opinions. Planning should begin three to six months in advance, and the party is usually held one to two months before the wedding.

First, decide on the guest list in consultation with the bride. This usually includes the wedding party, sisters, and close friends, but ultimately, the choice is up to the bride. Next, select two to four potential dates that work for the bride and poll the invitees to see which dates they can attend. It's also important to discuss finances with attendees early on to understand their budgets and how much they can spend.

Then, pick a theme and plan activities. This could be anything from a night out to a spa day or a private cooking class. If you're planning a destination bachelorette, consider renting a group house rather than hotel rooms. It's also a good idea to arrange group meals in advance and decide how the bill will be handled.

Finally, confirm attendance and send out invitations. Formal invitations are not necessary, and you can use email or a site like Paperless Post. It's also a nice gesture for attendees to chip in and cover the cost of the bride, especially if it's a multi-day affair.

Planning the Bridal Shower

The bridal shower usually takes place one to three months before the wedding, and planning can begin about six months in advance. Traditionally, the maid of honour spearheads the planning process with support from the bridal party, but it can also be hosted by family members, close friends, or other loved ones.

First, decide on the host and confirm the budget. Then, check in with the bride to get her input on the guest list, venue ideas, and any traditions she wants to include. Next, narrow down the dates and choose a venue. If you're hosting at a restaurant or other venue, you may want to consider hiring a planner to help with the logistics.

Finalise the guest list, making sure that all guests invited to the bridal shower are also invited to the wedding. Then, decide on a theme and a dress code. This will inform the invitations, which should be sent out six to eight weeks in advance.

Plan the menu and decide on decorations. If you're hosting at home, you may want to cater or ask family members to contribute food. Choose some games or activities to keep guests entertained, and don't forget to plan the toasts!

In the weeks leading up to the bridal shower, confirm RSVPs, check in with vendors, and put together a playlist. The day before, do as much set-up as possible, including tables, chairs, decorations, and favours. On the day of the shower, arrive early to finalise the set-up and coordinate with vendors.

Frequently asked questions