Deborah Chan
The honeymoon phase is a period of excitement, attraction, intimacy, and appreciation at the beginning of a relationship. It is marked by intense feelings of infatuation, frequent sex, and the desire to spend all your time with your partner. While this phase can be exhilarating, it is also fleeting, and couples often wish to prolong it. The length of the honeymoon phase varies, lasting anywhere from a few months to several years. To extend this period, couples are advised to prioritise excitement, appreciation, intimacy, and attraction, by creating novel experiences and expressing gratitude.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Duration | The honeymoon phase can last anywhere from six months to several years, with an average of 2.5 years. |
| Feelings | Intense feelings of excitement, attraction, infatuation, and bliss. |
| Chemistry | Wild amount of chemistry, frequent passionate sex, and physical and emotional intimacy. |
| Connection | Always wanting to be around your partner, thinking about them, and feeling hopeful about your future together. |
| Smooth Sailing | Less likely to argue or snap at each other, easily overlooking quirks or frustrations. |
| Novelty | Injecting novelty into the relationship through new experiences and adventures. |
| Appreciation | Consciously reminding each other of how much you appreciate one another. |
| Self-Reflection | Imagining life without your partner and taking care of their needs. |
| Gratitude | Expressing gratitude through thoughtful gestures, such as making breakfast for your partner. |
| Communication | Open and honest communication, addressing disagreements directly rather than engaging in toxic bickering. |
| Individual Efforts | Taking care of personal hygiene and making an effort to initiate intimacy. |
| Date Nights | Planning date nights and getaways to create exciting memories. |
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What You'll Learn
Create novel experiences and adventures
Creating novel experiences and adventures is a great way to keep the honeymoon phase alive. Couples coach Brooke Genn advises that "finding extraordinary fun in the seemingly ordinary moments of your life can help you enjoy your partner".
- Plan a staycation: Book a night or a weekend at a local hotel. Bring items that will remind you of your honeymoon period, such as pictures from a previous vacation, or something sexier like lingerie or your favourite toy.
- Create a scavenger hunt: Leave a note on your bathroom mirror, instructing your partner to go to the bedroom closet and grab a box that contains a surprise.
- Try new activities: Instead of a typical date night, try something new and different. This could be an adventure holiday, such as sailing across the Atlantic or hiking in El Salvador. Or, it could be something smaller, like trying a new restaurant or activity that you've never done before.
- Encourage individual pursuits: Spend time apart engaging in individual hobbies or with friends, then come together to share your experiences. This can bring new ideas and perspectives into the relationship.
- Seek new experiences: Try to find the novelty in everyday life. Go for a walk in your neighbourhood or breathe in the fresh air of a foreign town.
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Make your partner feel valued
Making your partner feel valued is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. According to clinical psychologist and mental health expert Dr Ryan Warner, it's important to focus on understanding your partner's individual preferences and showing appreciation for their unique qualities. This emphasis on individuality can make your partner feel seen and valued.
So, how do you make your partner feel valued? Well, it's those simple and often small gestures that help express and reinforce your love for one another. It's about showing your appreciation in the way your partner likes to receive it. This could be through words of affirmation, such as affectionate and encouraging words, praise, loving texts, written love notes, or compliments throughout the day. Or, if your partner's love language is acts of service, you could do things for them, such as cooking them a meal or doing the dishes.
It's also important to show your affection regularly and respect your partner's opinions, even if you don't always agree with them. This doesn't mean you have to share all the same interests and hobbies, but showing an interest in the things that matter to your partner will help them feel valued. For example, if they mention a new interest, you could take note and surprise them with a relevant book or documentary later down the line. This demonstrates active listening, which is key to making your partner feel valued.
Another way to make your partner feel valued is to support their goals and show that you're invested in their future. This could be as simple as asking them how their day is going or what you can do to improve it. You can also give your partner the gift of a day off by taking responsibility for everything around the house while they relax, spend time with friends, or have some alone time. These small but sincere gestures will help solidify your partner's sense of value in the relationship.
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Prioritise intimacy and appreciation
The honeymoon phase is a special time for couples, but it inevitably comes to an end. However, there are ways to keep the spark alive and ensure that your relationship remains intimate and appreciative.
Intimacy is a feeling of closeness and emotional connection. It involves sharing a range of thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and being open, vulnerable, and patient with one another. Intimacy can be built through increased communication, which allows you to connect, care for each other, and feel comfortable during your time together. This can be achieved through physical or emotional closeness, or a combination of both.
To prioritise intimacy, it is important to create opportunities for quality time together. This may involve planning a regular evening, day, or weekend where you can be alone and focus on each other. During this time, you can engage in activities that foster emotional and recreational intimacy, such as playing games or swapping stories to learn more about each other.
Additionally, it is crucial to explore ways to express love and appreciation without solely relying on physical intimacy. This can be done through simple acts of gratitude, such as saying "thank you" and showing appreciation for the everyday things your partner does. You can also express your appreciation verbally, listing the things you appreciate about your partner, or writing them down for your partner to discover.
Appreciation is a key aspect of building a healthy relationship. It involves celebrating the unique qualities of your partner and expressing your love and gratitude. This can be achieved by giving your partner your undivided attention, making eye contact, and actively listening when they are speaking.
By prioritising intimacy and appreciation, you can create a deeper connection and foster a sense of closeness and understanding in your relationship, helping to prolong the honeymoon phase and create a more sustainable dynamic.
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Be mindful of red flags
While the honeymoon stage is an exciting time for couples, it's important to be mindful of red flags that could indicate a problematic relationship. Red flags are signs or behaviours that may signal incompatibility, disrespect, or potential harm to the relationship or your well-being. Here are some key areas to pay attention to:
Communication: Effective communication is essential in any relationship. A lack of communication or an inability to express feelings and discuss issues openly can be a red flag. If your partner distances themselves emotionally, gives you the silent treatment, or expresses their feelings through moodiness instead of direct conversation, it may be a cause for concern.
Boundary Issues: Respecting each other's boundaries is crucial. If your partner struggles to accept and respect your boundaries, it is a significant red flag. Manipulative behaviour, such as trying to make you feel guilty or invalidating your boundaries, is unacceptable. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and understanding of each other's limits.
Unaddressed Past Issues: A person's relationship with their past can provide valuable insights. Be cautious if your partner has a dark or secretive past involving illegal activities, addictive behaviours, or unresolved issues with former partners, family, or friends. While people can grow and change, continuing unhealthy behaviours or refusing to take responsibility for their past actions can be red flags.
Immaturity and Irresponsibility: Irresponsibility and immaturity can manifest in various ways, such as an inability to manage finances, take care of themselves, hold a job, or make future plans. If your partner exhibits these traits and refuses to work on self-improvement, it may indicate a lack of long-term compatibility.
Broken Promises and Lack of Effort: A partner who consistently makes promises but fails to follow through may be showing a red flag. This could include promising to work on their temper or stop inappropriate behaviours, only to continue or worsen these actions over time. A lack of effort in addressing personal issues and growing as a person can indicate a lack of respect for your relationship and your needs.
Remember, red flags are not always obvious, and they may be easier to ignore during the honeymoon phase when everything feels exciting and new. However, addressing these issues early on is crucial for the long-term health and stability of your relationship.
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Plan staycations and date nights
Planning staycations and date nights is a great way to keep the honeymoon phase alive. Here are some ideas to make your staycations and date nights exciting and memorable:
Staycations:
- Explore your own city: Pretend to be a tourist in your own city and visit those places you have always wanted to go to but never had the chance to. You can also try out local restaurants, visit historic sites, explore art galleries, and spend time in nature.
- Create a theme: Choose a theme for your staycation, such as a country or city you had planned to visit, and create a corresponding atmosphere with music, decorations, and food. For example, if you had planned to go to Italy, play some romantic Italian music, decorate with flowers and candles, and order some delicious local Italian food.
- Spa night: Create a relaxing spa experience at home with massages, face masks, and other self-care rituals. You can also book a treatment at a local spa for the ultimate pampering experience.
- Movie night: Stock up on your favourite foods and drinks, order takeout from a nice restaurant, and snuggle up to watch movies together.
- Games and drives: Plan a fun game night or go for a drive around your town or a new area nearby. You can make a game out of the drive by flipping a coin at each stop to decide which direction to take.
- Outdoor activities: Spend time in nature by visiting local parks, going on hikes, or even just walking through your neighbourhood. If you're feeling adventurous, consider renting a camper van or booking an Airbnb to explore further and extend your stay overnight.
Date Nights:
- Novel experiences: Instead of doing the same old things, try something new and different. Research suggests that novel experiences activate the brain's reward system, recreating the chemical surge of early courtship. For example, you could take a dance class together, go stargazing, or try a new restaurant.
- Surprises: Surprise your partner with a romantic gesture, such as a couples massage, champagne delivery, or private dining experience.
- Quality time: Make sure to schedule quality time together, free from distractions like work and social media. Turn off your cell phones and focus on each other.
- Support each other's goals: Encourage and support your partner in pursuing their goals. Seeing your partner in a new light, achieving their aspirations, can reignite attraction and appreciation.
- Love languages: Understand your partner's love language—whether it's words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, or receiving gifts—and express your love in a way that resonates with them.
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Frequently asked questions
The honeymoon stage is the first stage of a relationship, usually lasting between six months and two years, but this can differ from couple to couple. It is marked by excitement, attraction, intimacy, and appreciation, and you will constantly be thinking about your partner.
The honeymoon stage ends as the relationship progresses and life's realities and challenges start to become the norm. Stress, boredom, and life's demands can impact the quality of the bond between partners. This is when attachment fears are activated, and the relationship starts to take more work.
While the honeymoon stage will naturally evolve as the relationship progresses, there are ways to keep the spark alive. Novelty is key, so try new and different activities together. Surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures, and make sure to keep showing them that you appreciate them.
Plan a staycation and bring items that remind you of the honeymoon period, such as pictures from a previous vacation. You can also try creating a gratitude ritual, where you consistently express what you appreciate about each other.
