Inclusivity In Action: Planning An Lgbt Wedding Celebration

Planning an LGBTQ+ wedding can be a daunting task, but it's also an opportunity to create a unique and memorable ceremony that truly reflects your individual style, personalities, and love story. From choosing the right vendors to selecting your attire and wedding party, there are many decisions to make.

One of the most important elements of any wedding is the language used, which should be inclusive and modern. You can choose to update traditional terms like bride and groom to alternatives like partners, spouses-to-be, or simply use your names. Similarly, you can opt for gender-neutral terms like partners for life or spouses instead of husband and wife.

In addition to language, other aspects of the wedding can be made more LGBTQ+-friendly. For instance, you might decide to walk down one aisle together or have two aisles, or choose to ditch certain traditions like bouquet and garter tosses altogether.

The freedom to create new traditions is one of the best parts of planning an LGBTQ+ wedding. By focusing on what represents you as a couple and what brings you joy, you can ensure your special day is a true celebration of your love and commitment.

Inclusive language and pronouns

Language is powerful, and it can be harmful. It can marginalise and discriminate against individuals and groups based on their race, gender identity, sexuality, culture, religion, body, and/or abilities. Language is also essential for instructing clients on how to get comfortable leading up to their wedding day.

• Challenge the construct: The gender binary is a social construct that has long gone unchallenged. Hold your opinions lightly and with humility. If you feel defensive, use that energy to gain deeper self-knowledge. It takes courage to change deeply ingrained habits, and daily unlearning is necessary.
• Drop gendered terminology: Make your wedding a safer and more welcoming place for everyone, including LGBTQIA+ clients, by dropping gendered terms from your communications. This includes your intake forms, website, social media, contracts, brochures, questionnaires, business cards, and conversations.
• Opt for gender-neutral language: Until you know which pronouns someone uses, stick with gender-neutral language. Use 'they' instead of gendered words like 'he' or 'she'. Use 'partner', 'fiancé', 'significant other', or 'sweetheart' instead of 'bride' or 'groom'. Use the person's name in place of a pronoun.
• Offer your own pronouns: A simple way to create a welcoming and inclusive environment is to offer your own pronouns in your introductions, website, social media, marketing materials, and email signature block. This lets couples know they are free to share their own.
• Be sensitive: Remember that not all people are 'out' to their families, and they may ask you to use different pronouns in the ceremony than they do when talking to their partner.
• Correct yourself: If you misgender someone, don't panic. Mistakes happen, and learning to use new pronouns takes practice. Simply correct yourself and continue the conversation using the correct pronouns.
• Listen and ask: Listen to how your couple refers to each other and follow their lead. You can also include a question about pronouns on your questionnaire or simply ask, 'What pronouns do you use'?
• Instead of "bride" and "groom", you can be referred to as partners, spouses-to-be, partners for life, or by your names.
• Instead of "husband and wife", you can use "wife and wife", "husband and husband", or less gendered language such as partners, spouses, or soulmates.
• Instead of "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?", you can change the response to "She gives herself, with the support of her family." You can also make it more inclusive by asking both partners (and their families) who gives them to be married. You can alter the question to "Who supports this person?" or remove this question altogether.
• During the pronouncement, instead of "I now pronounce you man and wife" or "I now pronounce you husband and wife", you can say "wife and wife", "husbands together", "spouses", "partners for life", "equal partners in marriage", or "married".
• Instead of "You may now kiss the bride", you can say "You may now kiss", "You may seal your marriage vows with a kiss", "I invite you to start your marriage with a kiss", or "Get your smooch on!".
• When presenting the couple, instead of "I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith", you can decide how you want to be introduced and what names you'd like to use. For example, "I present to you Jane Smith and Betty Doe" or "Mrs. and Mrs. Doe-Smith".
• In your ceremony readings, music, and program, ensure that the language, lyrics, and content are inclusive. You can also use readings and songs by LGBTQ+ authors and artists.

Choosing wedding attire

Firstly, it's important to remember that there are no rules when it comes to LGBTQ+ weddings. You can wear whatever you want! It's all about ditching the gender standards that are often present in heterosexual weddings and being yourself and comfortable. Wear what you're comfortable with and what makes you feel good. This could be a suit, a dress, a jumpsuit, separates, or something else entirely.

If you're part of a couple, you might choose to match your outfits or go for something that reflects your own personal style. It's a good idea to talk to your partner about styles, themes, and how you want your wedding photos to turn out before making any decisions.

You might also want to consider whether you want to keep the surprise element of revealing your outfit to your partner or choose your outfits together. Many couples pick their outfits together so they don't clash, and this can also make for some great getting-ready photos. However, if you still want to have a big reveal, that's entirely up to you!

Another thing to think about is whether you want to include any traditional elements in your attire. For example, you might want to incorporate something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.

Finally, don't forget to have fun with it! This is your day to celebrate your love and your unique style.

Selecting the wedding party

Selecting your wedding party is a fun and important part of planning your LGBTQ+ wedding. You can choose to have separate wedding parties or one large group. If you're opting for separate parties, you might want to have a maid of honour or best man to accompany each partner during the ceremony.

Your wedding party, or 'I do crew', will have a lot of responsibilities, so it's important to choose people who are close to you and who you can rely on. Some of their duties might include:

• Organising hen/stag/sten parties
• Acting as a sounding board for ideas
• Attending wedding outfit fittings
• Helping with practical tasks, such as addressing invitations, setting up the day before, and assisting with planning
• Witnessing the signing of the register
• Greeting and guiding guests to their seats
• Ensuring all suppliers and items are in place
• Holding the rings
• Getting ready with the couple

When it comes to what you call your wedding party, the choice is yours! You can go with traditional labels like bridesmaids and groomsmen, or get creative with titles like bridesmates, groomsmaids, mates of honour, or simply 'wedding party'.

Remember, gender shouldn't define anyone's role in your wedding. The most important thing is having the people you love by your side as you celebrate your special day.

Walking down the aisle

Firstly, it is important to note that LGBTQ+ couples have a lot of creative freedom when it comes to their wedding day, and there is no need to stick to conventional wedding roles and customs. You can choose to walk down the aisle with your partner, either by entering from the sides or creating two equal aisles and meeting in the centre. Alternatively, you can walk down the aisle separately, with your partner waiting for you at the end. If you want to include your family in this moment, you can be escorted by a parent, a close relative, or even your child.

Another option is to ditch the aisle altogether. You could opt for a ceremony circle, where guests stand in a circle and leave space for the couple to join them, or you could start at the front of the ceremony space and have the guests enter after you. For outdoor weddings, you could walk through the crowd and slip your way to the front, or let the guests follow you in a processional as they find their seats.

If you want to stick to a more traditional processional, that is completely fine too. The important thing is to make it your own and ensure it reflects your vision and relationship. Discuss the details with your officiant and decide when you would like the audience to rise—before the first partner, before the second, or at a different time.

Finally, remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to wedding planning, and you should feel free to adapt or scrap any tradition that doesn't suit your vision.

Planning bachelor/bachelorette parties

Themes and Activities

Bachelor and bachelorette parties are all about celebrating the couple and their unique personalities and interests. Think about what the couple enjoys doing together and try to incorporate this into the party. For example, if they love the outdoors, consider a camping trip or a day of water sports. If they're foodies, organise a wine or craft beer tasting, or a chef's table experience with a private chef. For couples who love a party, a drag brunch or a night of clubbing could be a perfect choice.

You could also personalise the event with a theme. For instance, "Rainbow Glam", where guests dress in vibrant rainbow colours, or "Iconic LGBTQ+ Figures", where guests dress up as their favourite LGBTQ+ icons.

Location and Vendors

When choosing a location and vendors, ensure they are LGBTQ+-friendly. Destinations like Las Vegas, New Orleans, and Palm Springs are known for their gay-friendly scenes. If you're looking for a more tropical getaway, consider the Hawaiian islands or Florida, which offers Disney Parks, the Florida Keys, and Miami.

Guest List and Invitations

Discuss with the couple whether they want separate parties or a joint celebration. If they have different friend groups, separate parties might make more sense. However, if their friends get along well, a joint party can be a lot of fun and reduce costs.

For invitations, set the tone for an inclusive celebration. You can opt for animated e-vites sent directly to each guest, or go for card stock and envelopes that embody the vibe of the event.

Budgeting

Be mindful of your guests' budgets. If you're planning activities that require travel or significant expenses, give guests plenty of notice so they can save up. You could also offer to cover certain costs if you want to ensure everyone can participate.

Communication

Keep communication open with the couple and guests throughout the planning process. Ask if there are any concerns or adjustments needed to ensure everyone feels comfortable and included.

Final Thoughts

Remember, there are no set rules for LGBTQ+ bachelor/bachelorette parties. Get creative, personalise the event to reflect the couple, and most importantly, have fun!

Frequently asked questions