Wedding Guest List Etiquette: Who, When, And How To Invite

Creating a wedding guest list can be a stressful and complex process. From budget and venue restrictions to family politics, there are many factors to consider. While it's ultimately up to the couple to decide who to invite, it's essential to handle the process with care and maintain open communication with loved ones. Here are some tips to help you navigate the guest list politics and create a list that works for you and your partner.

Budgeting and venue capacity

Start With a Realistic Budget

Before finalising your guest list, it is crucial to set a realistic budget. The number of people you invite will significantly impact your wedding expenses. From catering costs to venue rental, each additional guest increases your overall spend. Therefore, it is essential to determine how much you are willing to spend per guest. This will help you decide on the ideal number of invitees.

Venue Capacity and Guest List Size

The size of your venue will dictate the maximum number of guests you can invite. It is important to choose a venue that can comfortably accommodate your guest list while also aligning with your desired wedding vision. If you are planning an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, your guest list may be limited to your closest family and friends. On the other hand, if you envision a grand celebration with a large guest list, ensure you select a venue with sufficient capacity.

Budgeting and Venue Constraints

When creating your guest list, be mindful of any budget and venue restrictions. These factors will influence the number of people you can invite. Consider whether you need to allocate a certain number of invitations to your parents or in-laws, especially if they are contributing financially. Additionally, take into account the potential impact of plus-ones and children, as these can significantly increase your headcount and budget requirements.

Managing Expectations

Be transparent with your parents or in-laws about your guest list constraints. Communicate your budget limitations and venue capacity to manage their expectations. This will help them understand why you may not be able to invite everyone they would like to. It is also advisable to finalise your guest list before sending out save-the-dates to avoid last-minute additions that may disrupt your carefully planned numbers.

Be Mindful of B-Lists

Creating a B-list of guests you would like to invite if space allows is a common practice. However, it is important to send these invitations in a timely manner to avoid making these guests feel like an afterthought. Aim to send the second round of invitations within a few weeks of the first to prevent any hurt feelings.

In conclusion, budgeting and venue capacity are key considerations when creating your wedding guest list. By setting a realistic budget, choosing an appropriate venue, and effectively managing expectations, you can ensure a smooth process and a memorable celebration.

Who gets a plus-one?

The guest list is one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning. It can be stressful to decide how many people to invite, and then who those people will be. Plus-ones are typically the most controversial element of any wedding guest list.

Who Should Get a Plus-One?

It is not necessary to offer a plus-one to every single guest. However, there are a few situations where it is a good idea:

• Guests who are in a serious relationship, regardless of whether you have met their partner.
• Guests who are married or engaged.
• Guests who are in a long-term relationship and you have met their partner.
• Guests who are coming from out of town and don't know anyone else at the ceremony.

Who Doesn't Need a Plus-One?

On the other hand, there are some cases where it is acceptable to exclude plus-ones:

• Guests who are single and have mutual friends with many of your other guests.
• Guests who are in a new relationship and you have never met their partner.
• Guests who are single and will know several people at the wedding.

How to Decide

When deciding on plus-ones, it is important to consider your budget and venue restrictions. You may need to limit the number of plus-ones to keep costs down or due to space constraints. It is also a good idea to set clear criteria for plus-ones early on and communicate this with your guests to avoid any conflict or misunderstanding. Be tactful when informing guests of your decision and emphasise logistical constraints or your desire for an intimate wedding.

Inviting children

It is totally your call whether you want to invite children to your wedding. Adults-only receptions have become more common over the years, and most parents will probably appreciate having a night off! However, if someone either can't or won't come because they can't bring their child, you have to respect their decision, just like they've respected your decision to have an adults-only affair.

If you don't want to invite children, make sure you communicate this clearly from the very beginning to avoid any awkwardness on the day. A polite note on your wedding website is usually the best way to prep parents. You could also call the parents on the list before you address the invitations to inform them that children will not be included.

If you do decide to invite children, be mindful of their entertainment, seating and food.

Coworkers and colleagues

When it comes to inviting coworkers and colleagues to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that you don't have to invite everyone from work. If you do have close friends who are also coworkers, they should definitely be on the list. However, if you prefer to keep your work and personal life separate, it's perfectly fine to not invite anyone from your workplace.

If you do decide to invite coworkers, it's crucial to handle the invitation process delicately. Avoid handing out invitations at work or chatting about wedding plans in front of those who aren't invited. Keep the invitations courteous and low-key. Another option is to invite coworkers to the ceremony only, explaining that the reception is limited to close family and friends due to budget or venue restrictions.

When deciding which coworkers to invite, carefully curate your guest list. Invite only those coworkers you are genuinely friends with and have a relationship with outside of work. Ask yourself, "If I no longer worked there, would I continue this friendship?" If the answer is yes, then they make the cut!

It's also important to be mindful of the colleagues you don't invite. Try to keep wedding talk to a minimum at work, and if the topic comes up, politely mention that not everyone from work is invited. This will help prevent any hurt feelings, awkwardness, or bitterness among your colleagues.

If you're inviting your boss or manager, consider whether you would genuinely value their presence at your special day. If so, send them a formal invitation like any other guest. You may also want to schedule a private conversation to discuss the details of your wedding and how their presence is important to you.

Parents' input

Traditionally, both sets of parents get a say on who is invited to a wedding—especially if they are contributing financially. If they are paying for the wedding or a large portion of it, they will have more power in the decision-making process. However, it's important to remember that this is your child's big day, so they ultimately have the final say over the guest list.

To avoid any conflict, it's best to initiate the conversation about the guest list early on and be open and direct. Ask your child how many people you and your partner can invite, and present your desired guest list as early as possible. Be mindful of the budget and venue capacity when discussing your wishes.

If you are not paying for the wedding, consider offering to contribute financially so that the people you care about can attend. It's all about compromise and finding middle ground. If your child is firm about not inviting certain guests, respect their wishes and don't demand that you get your way.

If you are paying, remember that this doesn't give you free rein to invite whoever you want. Be prepared to make concessions and understand that wedding guest lists have become smaller and more intimate in recent years.

To ensure a smooth process, set clear boundaries and communicate openly about your expectations and limitations. Be firm but respectful, and try to find diplomatic compromises. For example, you could suggest alternative ways for your extended circle to celebrate, such as hosting a separate gathering after the wedding.

It's also important to establish priorities by identifying key individuals you wish to invite, such as immediate family and close friends, to ensure the wedding remains intimate and meaningful. You could create an "A" list of must-have attendees and a "B" list of guests you'd like to invite if space allows.

Remember, the goal is to find a solution that satisfies both you and your child while respecting their vision for their wedding day. Stay calm, be flexible, and keep the lines of communication open to navigate this sensitive topic successfully.

Frequently asked questions