Creating A Wedding Guest List: Tips For The Perfect Mix

Planning a wedding guest list can be a daunting task, but it's an important part of the wedding planning process. The guest list will impact your budget and venue, so it's crucial to give it careful thought. Here are some tips to help you create the perfect wedding guest list:

- Start by setting a realistic budget and determining the maximum capacity of your venue. This will help you understand how many guests you can afford to invite and accommodate.

- Decide on how you want to divvy up the guest list. Traditionally, the list is split into three parts: one-third for the bride's parents' guests, one-third for the groom's parents' guests, and one-third for the couple's guests. However, you can adjust this based on your family dynamics and contributions to the wedding.

- Determine your A-list and B-list guests. The A-list should include your must-have guests, such as close family and friends. The B-list can include guests you still want to invite but can live without if necessary.

- Be mindful of plus-ones. You don't have to offer plus-ones to everyone, especially if you're trying to keep numbers down. Consider only offering plus-ones to guests in long-term relationships or those you have met.

- Don't feel obligated to invite everyone. It's your special day, so invite the people you truly want to celebrate with. You don't have to invite distant relatives or friends you've grown apart from just out of obligation.

- Consider your parents' input, especially if they are contributing financially. However, remember that the final decision rests with you and your partner.

- Be consistent with your invitations. If you're not inviting children, for example, make sure to apply this rule across the board.

- Don't rush the process. Creating the perfect guest list takes time, so take your time to ensure you're happy with the final list.

Budgeting and venue capacity

Determine Your Budget

The first step in planning your wedding is figuring out your budget. This will guide every decision you make, from the venue to the small details. Sit down with your partner and discuss how much you can realistically afford to spend. Consider your savings, monthly income, and expenses. If you're expecting contributions from family members, factor that into your budget as well. It's important to be comfortable with your budget and not go into debt to celebrate your special day.

Prioritize Your Spending

Not all aspects of a wedding are equally important to every couple. Sit down with your partner and decide on your priorities. Do you want a live band? Are you dreaming of a designer gown? By identifying your must-haves, you can allocate more money to those areas. For example, if you prioritize great food and an open bar, you might spend around 40% of your budget on venue and catering. On the other hand, if you're happy with a simple ceremony and want to splurge on your honeymoon, you might choose a more affordable venue and allocate those savings to your travel fund.

Research Venue Costs

The cost of wedding venues varies widely depending on location, season, and guest count. When researching venues, consider the rental fees, catering options, and package deals they offer. Remember that the venue will likely be one of your biggest expenses, so it's crucial to choose one that fits within your budget. If you fall in love with a venue that's out of your price range, consider adjusting your guest list or looking for alternative dates or times to take advantage of potential discounts.

Create a Guest List

The number of guests you invite will significantly impact your budget, especially when it comes to venue capacity and catering costs. As a rule of thumb, plan to budget at least $100 per guest. If you're working with a tight budget, one of the most effective ways to reduce costs is to invite fewer people and have a more intimate celebration.

Be Mindful of Hidden Costs

When creating your budget, don't forget to account for hidden costs like wedding party gifts, bachelor/bachelorette parties, marriage license fees, postage for invitations, and vendor tips. These expenses can add up quickly, so it's essential to include them in your budget from the start.

Track Your Spending

Throughout the planning process, it's crucial to track your spending to ensure you stay within your budget. Create a spreadsheet or use a wedding budget tracker to record your estimated and actual costs for each category. This will help you stay organized and make adjustments as needed.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love, and it's possible to have a beautiful wedding on any budget. Be mindful of your spending, prioritize what's important to you, and don't be afraid to negotiate with vendors to create a package that suits your needs and budget.

Dividing the guest list

Be mindful of budget and venue constraints

Before finalising your guest list, it's crucial to have a clear understanding of your wedding budget and the capacity of your chosen venue. The number of guests you can invite will depend on how much you can spend and the size of your venue. Creating a draft guest list will help you estimate the costs and determine if your venue can accommodate everyone comfortably. Remember, the more guests you invite, the higher the cost per head, impacting your overall budget.

Set realistic expectations

Communicate openly with your parents and in-laws about your vision for the wedding. If you prefer a small, intimate gathering, let them know early on. Be respectful but firm in conveying your wishes. You might say something like, "We're planning to keep the wedding to our closest friends and family—people who really know us well." This way, they understand your intention to limit the guest list to a select few.

Divide the guest list fairly

Traditionally, the guest list is split evenly, with 50% for the couple and 25% each for the bride's and groom's parents. However, this division is not set in stone. You can adjust the percentages to suit your needs, ensuring that everyone feels fairly represented. For example, if one side of the family is larger, you might allocate more invites to them to ensure key people are included.

Manage contributions and expectations

If your parents or in-laws are contributing financially to the wedding, they will likely expect some input on the guest list. In this case, it's essential to have open discussions about budget and guest numbers. You might want to allocate a set number of invites to each contributing party, allowing them to choose their guests within that limit. This way, you maintain control over the overall numbers while giving them a say in the process.

Be consistent with rules

If you've decided on not inviting children or allowing plus-ones, ensure these rules are consistently applied across the board. Communicate these decisions clearly to your parents and in-laws, explaining the reasons behind them. For example, you might say, "We've decided on an adults-only wedding due to budget constraints and the intimate nature of the event."

Keep records and stick to deadlines

Create a central document for your guest list that is accessible to all key contributors. This will help everyone stay informed about RSVPs and final numbers. Set a firm deadline for finalising the guest list and ensure that all parties are aware of it. Once this deadline passes, no further changes should be made to the list.

Be tactful and considerate

Remember that weddings are emotional events for families. Try to be considerate of your parents' and in-laws' wishes, especially if they are contributing financially. If their requests are reasonable and within your budget and venue constraints, it might be easier to accommodate them. However, if you need to decline their suggestions, do so tactfully and respectfully.

Handle lopsided guest lists gracefully

It's not uncommon for one side of the couple to have more guests than the other, especially if there is a difference in family sizes or social preferences. In such cases, aim for equal representation by allocating 50% of the guest list to the couple and 25% to each set of parents. If there are still disparities, the couple can absorb some of the parents' desired guests into their portion of the guest count.

Be ruthless when necessary

To trim your guest list, consider an all-or-nothing approach. For example, you might invite only bosses or just your closest colleagues. With family, you could invite aunts and uncles but not cousins. Ask yourself if you'd be disappointed if a particular person wasn't there and if you're inviting them out of obligation.

Prioritise your VIPs

Ultimately, your wedding day is about celebrating with the people you hold dear. Start by identifying your VIPs—those who are non-negotiable attendees. This might include immediate family and close friends. Once you've secured your must-haves, you can then decide on additional guests based on space and budget allowances.

Remember, it's your special day, so make decisions that align with your vision and values. Be prepared to compromise where possible, but also set clear boundaries to ensure your wedding guest list stays true to your dreams.

A-list and B-list

Creating a guest list for your wedding can be a stressful process, but it can be made easier by dividing your guests into an A-list and a B-list. Here is a guide on how to do this:

An A-list is made up of the non-negotiable guests you absolutely want to attend your wedding. These are the people who play an active part in your life, and you would be greatly disappointed if they couldn't attend.

A B-list, on the other hand, is made up of people who are not as important as the A-list guests but who you would still like to be there. B-list guests are those who you would like to invite but may not be able to due to budget or venue size constraints.

How to create an A-list and B-list:

Start by writing down the names of everyone you're considering inviting to your wedding. Then, go through the list and star the names of those who are important enough that you couldn't imagine your wedding day without them. These are your A-list guests. From there, you can strategize about the rest of your potential attendees and create your B-list.

Tips for creating an A-list and B-list:

• Make B-list decisions early: If you think you might need an A-list and a B-list, decide this as soon as possible so that you have time to organize who is on each list and figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.
• Organize intentionally: Create your B-list in order of priority, with those who feel really important at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary towards the bottom.
• Make a separate list for family and close friends: To avoid having guests compare when they were invited and figuring out they were on the B-list, decide on what qualifies someone for the A-list versus the B-list, and apply this logic consistently.
• Send invitations early: If you have an A-list and a B-list, send your A-list invitations out around 12 weeks in advance, which will give you plenty of time to see who can't make it before sending your B-list invites.
• Have two sets of RSVP cards: Print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before the wedding.
• Mail the B-list invites at once: Choose a deadline for adding B-list guests to your "invited" list and mail all the B-list invitations on the same day to help you keep track and ensure that invitations are arriving in a timely manner.

Additional considerations:

• Be mindful of groups within the B-list: If you have a tight-knit group of co-workers, for example, be sure to include or exclude the entire group to avoid parsing hairs about including some members and not others.
• Don't rush the process: Creating a wedding guest list takes time, and it's important to take your time when creating your A-list and B-list to ensure that the process goes smoothly.
• Be realistic about your budget: The size of your guest list will likely have the biggest impact on your wedding budget. Talk to your partner to figure out how many guests your budget will allow you to invite.
• Divvy up the guest list: Have a conversation with both sets of parents to figure out how you'll divide up the guest list, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding.
• Trim the guest list if needed: If your count is over the limit, you may need to cut some names. Consider making your wedding adults-only, cutting whole groups (e.g. "elementary school friends" or "college friends"), or trying the "one-year" test (if you haven't seen them in the past year and wouldn't expect to see them in the upcoming year, they may not need to be on the list).

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Be Clear About Who Gets a Plus-One

It is generally considered good etiquette to offer a plus-one to married, engaged, and cohabiting guests. It is also common courtesy to offer a plus-one to anyone in the bridal party, as well as close family members. However, family plus-ones should be considered on a case-by-case basis, as they are likely to know other guests at the wedding.

Have Clear Criteria for Additional Guests

If you allow one single guest outside the bridal party to bring a casual partner or friend, you should offer the same to all single guests. However, weddings are expensive, and you may not have the budget to accommodate so many extra names. In this case, be clear and consistent about your criteria for plus-ones, for example, only allowing single attendants to bring an additional person.

Don't Worry About Returning Plus-One Favours

Even if you were allowed to bring a date to a friend's wedding, you are not obligated to return the favour. Your wedding is your own, and it may be more intimate or have a different budget. Communicate your decision to your friend and work on your seating chart to ensure solo guests feel comfortable and welcomed.

Include the Plus-One on the Invitation

The traditional way to notify a guest about a plus-one is to include their name on the inner envelope of a paper invitation. For modern invitations, be sure to address all invitees clearly, listing both guests by their full names if they are in a couple, or writing " [Guest's Name] and guest" if they are allowed to bring a casual date.

Be Prepared for People to Ask for a Plus-One

Guests who do not receive a plus-one may still reach out to ask about bringing one. Inquire further about their requested addition, as their relationship status may have changed recently. If you don't have the room, it is okay to politely decline, explaining that your wedding is intimate or that your venue has limited space.

If Having a Destination Wedding, Try to Be Inclusive

Destination weddings require a significant time and financial commitment from guests. It is a nice gesture to allow invitees to bring someone to join them on their trip, especially if they don't know many other guests.

Have Grace When Dealing with Guest Requests

Be polite and consistent when dealing with guests who ask for a plus-one. You don't have to give in to their request, but be mindful of their feelings and consider your budget, venue capacity, and the dynamics of your wedding day.

Children

Whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question. It's pretty common to have a kid-free wedding, and this is a great way to trim your guest list. However, if you do decide to invite children, you need to be clear about this on your invitations. For example, specify that only children in the wedding party are invited, or children over 13, or only adults over 18 and babies under 6 months.

If you don't want children at your wedding, make sure your invitation clearly indicates who you are inviting. However, many couples have more than one child and will have a hard time separating them if one is invited and one isn't. So keep this in mind.

After you mail the invitations, call couples with children so there are no surprises or misunderstandings. Say something like, "We mailed our invitations and hope you can join us. We want you to be with us, so I wanted you to have ample time to arrange a sitter." If guests are not local, provide a list of babysitters so it's easier for your guests to attend. The gesture will go a long way.

If you do decide to invite children, you will need to include them in your final venue count. The only exception to this is if your venue offers a kids' menu, in which case you may only need to count children who will be eating an adult meal. Check with your venue and caterers to confirm their policies on this.

You will also need to include children when it comes to seating. One idea is to have a separate table for children, with kid-friendly activities to keep them occupied. You could also have a separate room for children, with childcare provided.

Plus-Ones for Children

Whether or not to allow plus-ones for children is another tricky question. On the one hand, you don't want to risk a friend or family member feeling left out if they only know you and your partner. On the other hand, it feels impersonal to write "and guest" on a child's invitation, and you may end up spending money on a stranger.

If you do decide to allow plus-ones for children, be consistent about who receives one and who does not. If you choose not to give most children a plus-one, make an effort to seat them with someone who will engage with them and make them feel welcome.

However, if a child is engaged or in a long-term or live-in relationship, you should invite their partner.

Flower Girls and Ring Bearers

If you have flower girls and ring bearers, you should usually invite them to the reception as well. It's not an easy task for parents to dress children up and make them perform a role, only to then tell them they can't come to the party. If you're set on an adults-only reception, at least allow the flower girls and ring bearers to attend the cocktail hour, and offer to find a babysitter for them for the rest of the night.

When it comes to food, a children's menu can make kids happier and is often less expensive. Kid-friendly foods are recommended, and individual meals or a small buffet can work well. Children aged 13 and up should be able to eat adult food, but you may want to check with parents about this.

Frequently asked questions