Making Love On Your Wedding Night: A Guide For Newlyweds

The wedding night is often built up as a magical, passionate evening where newlyweds consummate their marriage. However, the reality is that every couple is different, and there is no singular right way to spend your first night as spouses. While some couples eagerly anticipate making love, others are too exhausted from the wedding festivities to do anything more than snuggle up together.

For those who want to make love on their wedding night, it's important to remember that it's not just about sex. It's also about creating a romantic atmosphere, expressing your feelings, and making your partner feel comfortable and confident. Planning in advance is crucial, from choosing the right nightwear to setting the mood with candles and music.

On the other hand, if you're feeling too tired for intimacy, there are still ways to make the night special. You can order room service, take a relaxing bath together, exchange love notes, or simply talk and get to know each other better.

The most important thing is to communicate openly with your partner, set realistic expectations, and focus on quality time and connection as you embark on your new life together.

Flirt throughout the wedding

While weddings are a great place to meet potential partners, it's important to remember that the main focus of the day should be on the couple getting married. If you do want to flirt throughout the wedding, here are some tips to help you do so successfully:

• Focus on the wedding first: Remember, you were chosen to attend because you're important to the couple in some way. If you're in the wedding party, be sure to direct your attention to the ceremony and celebrations, rather than scoping out potential flirting opportunities.
• Be wary of interpersonal connections: Weddings bring together a mix of family, friends, and colleagues, so it's important to be mindful of who you're talking to. Make sure you quickly understand who the person is to avoid any awkward situations.
• Set boundaries: Take some time before the wedding to think about what you want from the experience. Weddings can be emotional occasions, so it's important to set physical and emotional boundaries beforehand to ensure you don't get swept up in the moment.
• Make it a group thing: Flirting doesn't have to be a solo activity! If you're with a group of friends, include them when you want to get to know someone new. This way, you can still express your interest while ensuring you remain an active participant in the day's events.
• Manage your expectations: Attending a wedding is not solely about flirting. Keep your expectations in check, and remember that your main goal is to celebrate the happy couple. This will help ensure you don't get too distracted or feel let down if things don't go according to plan.

If you're looking for specific flirting techniques, here are some general tips that can be applied in a wedding setting:

• Compliments: A sincere compliment can boost your partner's confidence and reignite the spark in your relationship. Focus on specific attributes that you find attractive or endearing.
• Love notes: Leaving cute or romantic messages for your partner is a great way to make them feel special. You can even plan a treasure hunt with these notes, leading to a special gift at the end.
• Surprise dates: Recreate the nostalgia of your first date or plan a spontaneous outing to add a sense of adventure and excitement.
• Flirty texts: Sending playful and affectionate messages throughout the day is a great way to let your partner know they're on your mind. Use pet names, emojis, or inside jokes to keep things fun and spontaneous.
• Playful nicknames: Using nicknames like "gorgeous" or "honey" can add a touch of sizzle to your relationship. Sprinkle these monikers into your casual conversations to transport your partner back to the honeymoon phase.
• Physical touch: Holding hands, hugging, or a gentle touch on the arm can communicate your affection in a way that words often can't. These small gestures can make a big difference in your partner's day.

Create a romantic atmosphere

Creating a romantic atmosphere on your wedding night is all about appealing to the senses. Here are some ideas to make your first night as a married couple extra special:

Sight

• Keep your chosen space tidy, distraction-free and pleasant.
• Use soft, flattering lighting. Candles offer a warm glow, or you could try fairy lights for a whimsical touch.
• Decorate with flowers. You could scatter rose petals on the bed or create a walkway of petals from the door to the bed.
• Hang a 'Just Married' sign outside your room or across the headboard of the bed.

Smell

• Use scents to create a romantic mood. Try aromatherapy with a diffuser and your favourite oils, or scented candles.
• Choose a scent that is meaningful to you and your partner, perhaps from perfume, flowers or the food you cook.
• Scents such as ylang-ylang, lavender, jasmine and sandalwood are considered arousing.

Sound

• Play some romantic music. This could be traditional romantic music, or something more fun and lively if that suits you better.
• Music can also provide privacy if you have children, so your intimate conversation isn't overheard.

Taste

• Prepare some sweet snacks. Try chocolate, strawberries or honey, which are great aphrodisiacs.
• Share finger foods, such as a cheese platter, to create an intimate and sensual dining experience.

Touch

• Create a cosy atmosphere with soft textures such as fluffy blankets, soft cushions or satin sheets.
• Get the temperature right—use a fireplace or adjust the thermostat so that you're both comfortable.
• Give each other massages.

Take it slow

Taking it slow on your wedding night can help you savour the experience and build a deeper connection with your partner. Here are some tips to help you slow down and enjoy the moment:

Communicate openly

Before the wedding night, talk to your partner about how you're feeling. Discuss your expectations and boundaries, and be honest about any worries or nervousness you might have. This will help you feel more relaxed and ensure you're both on the same page.

Create a romantic atmosphere

Take the time to set the mood. Fill your room with soft music and the scent of flowers or scented candles. You can also sprinkle essential oils like ylang-ylang, sandalwood, lavender or jasmine on your sheets—scents that are said to increase arousal and sexual desire.

Take your time

Grant yourself permission to savour the experience. Slow sex allows you to explore each other's bodies and discover what brings pleasure. Take your time with foreplay and exploration: kissing, touching, and oral sex can build anticipation and heighten pleasure.

Focus on all your senses

Slowing down increases awareness of your senses, making you feel a wider range of pleasure. Notice what you see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Smell is especially powerful, as it's linked to memories and emotions.

Practice mindfulness

Focus on the present moment without judgment. Pay attention to your breathing and ground yourself using your senses. This will help you relax and become fully immersed in the experience.

Take the pressure off

Don't feel pressured to perform or rush towards orgasm. Instead, focus on the journey and the intimate connection you're building. Remember that great sex is about mutual pleasure and connection, not just the end goal.

Manage expectations

Managing expectations is a crucial aspect of the first night after the wedding. Here are some tips to help you navigate this special night with realistic expectations:

• Discuss expectations: Talk openly with your partner about your thoughts, desires, and boundaries. Ask each other about your ideal wedding night and what would make it special. Be honest about your comfort levels and any worries you may have. This conversation will help set realistic expectations and prevent disappointment.
• Address societal myths: Recognise that societal norms and media depictions often create unrealistic expectations about wedding night sex. Understand that there is no "normal" or "right" way to spend your first night as spouses. Let go of any preconceived notions of perfection and focus on what feels right for both of you.
• Manage exhaustion: The wedding day can be tiring, and it's normal for couples to feel too exhausted for sex. Prioritize rest and relaxation if needed. You can still make the night romantic with non-sexual activities like a cozy dinner, a relaxing bath, exchanging vows or love notes, or simply cuddling and talking.
• Embrace emotions: It's common to experience a mix of emotions on your wedding night, such as excitement, nervousness, happiness, or apprehension. Give each other space to process these feelings. Understand that intimacy may help you reconnect, or you may just need time to be present and decompress together.
• Go at your own pace: If you choose to be intimate, take your time and go at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you. Focus on exploring each other's bodies, emotional connection, and expressing your love physically. Remember, the night is about enjoying quality time as newlyweds, so savor the present moment.
• Plan ahead: Prepare for the night by packing a night bag with essentials like fresh underwear, pajamas, and hygiene products. If intimacy is on the agenda, bring massage oil, lubricant, protection, and lingerie. You can also set the mood with a romantic playlist, candles, and flowers.

Focus on intimacy

The first night of your wedding is a special moment in your life as a couple. It marks the start of your new adventure together, and it's only natural to want to make it as memorable and enjoyable as possible. Here are some tips to help you focus on intimacy during this special night:

Create a Romantic Environment

A romantic atmosphere can help set the mood and make both of you feel more comfortable and relaxed. Fill your room with fragrance by using scented candles or essential oils. Scents like ylang-ylang, sandalwood, lavender, or jasmine are said to increase arousal and sexual desire. You can also add fresh flowers to the room, which will not only look romantic but also smell wonderful.

Take Things Slow

There's no need to rush. Take your time and savor the moments of intimacy. Extend foreplay, give each other massages, and focus on building anticipation. Remember that creating a deep sense of intimacy takes time, so don't feel pressured to rush through it.

Communicate and Listen

Communication is key to building intimacy. Express your thoughts, feelings, and desires to your partner. Listen attentively to their needs and preferences as well. This open communication will help you both feel more connected and understood.

Focus on Non-Verbal Intimacy

Physical touch is an important aspect of intimacy. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and other affectionate behaviours can strengthen your bond and increase comfort levels. You can also try playful activities like play-wrestling, giving spontaneous massages, or taking turns spooning each other.

Create a Tech-Free Zone

Consider banning personal devices like cell phones, laptops, and tablets from your bedroom. This will help you stay focused on each other without distractions. It also creates a sense of detachment from the outside world, allowing you to be more present in the moment.

Enhance the Mood with Music

Music can be a powerful tool for setting the right atmosphere. Create a custom playlist with songs that evoke feelings of love, passion, and intimacy. Music with a slower tempo and softer melodies can help create a romantic vibe, while heavier bass and upbeat songs might be more suitable for energising and empowering moments.

Remember, the key to a memorable first night is focusing on each other and creating a deep sense of connection and intimacy. Enjoy this special time together and savour all the beautiful moments that will mark the beginning of your married life.

Frequently asked questions