Creating A Wedding Guest List: Strategies For Success

Creating a wedding guest list can be a daunting task. It's important to start with a realistic budget and venue capacity in mind, as these factors will heavily influence the number of guests you can invite. A good rule of thumb is to trim your guest list to trim your wedding budget.

Once you have a sense of the overall headcount, you can begin allocating slots to yourself, your partner, and both sets of parents. Traditionally, the list is divided into thirds, with one-third of the guests coming from the bride's side, one-third from the groom's, and the remaining third being mutual friends. However, you can adjust this distribution based on your unique circumstances and preferences.

When deciding who to include on your guest list, it's essential to prioritize close loved ones and immediate family members. Consider creating separate lists for must-have guests and backup guests, in case some invitees decline.

Additionally, establish a clear policy for plus-ones and whether to invite children. For plus-ones, consider inviting spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners. For children, you may choose to set an age limit or make it an adults-only event. Remember, your wedding guest list should ultimately reflect your preferences and priorities for your special day.

Budgeting and venue capacity

Budgeting:

The size of your guest list will have a significant impact on your wedding budget. The more guests you invite, the higher the costs, including food, drinks, stationery, favours, and rentals. Therefore, it is crucial to be realistic about your budget and what you can afford to spend. Here are some steps to help you determine your budget:

• Calculate your savings and decide how much of it you are willing to use for the wedding. Ensure you have enough left over for emergencies.
• Determine your monthly earnings and expenses. Calculate your disposable income by subtracting monthly expenses from your income.
• Find out if family members are contributing and how much. If they are offering non-monetary contributions, such as paying for the bridal gown, take this into account.
• Discuss with your partner the type of wedding you want and your priorities. Allocate more money to the aspects that are most important to you, such as catering, venue, or entertainment.
• Research the prices of venues, caterers, and other vendors in your area. Costs can vary depending on location and season, so it is essential to get an idea of the average prices.
• Set a maximum budget and stick to it. Involve all contributors, such as parents or grandparents, in this discussion.
• Decide if you will include your honeymoon in the wedding budget or have a separate savings account for it. The average couple spends around $5,000 on their honeymoon.

Venue Capacity:

The venue capacity will play a crucial role in determining your guest list. Here are some tips to navigate this:

• If you haven't chosen your venue yet, create a rough guest list to help you narrow down your options. Only consider spaces that can accommodate your desired guest count.
• If you already have your venue, know its maximum capacity and stick to it. It is better to invite a few more guests than the venue can hold, expecting some declines, rather than inviting significantly more.
• Be prepared to adjust your guest list if your dream venue has a smaller capacity than you anticipated.
• Consider an off-season wedding or look for venue discounts to increase your capacity options.

Prioritising close loved ones

Creating a wedding guest list can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to deciding who makes the cut. It's important to remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love with your closest loved ones. Here are some tips to help you prioritise those nearest and dearest to you:

Start with your must-have guests: Begin by creating a list of your non-negotiable guests, usually immediate family and very close friends. Consider the people you couldn't imagine getting married without by your side. This might include your parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friends.

Expand with extended family: After finalising your inner circle, move on to extended family members. This could include aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews.

Deciding on plus-ones

Firstly, it's important to remember that plus-ones are not a requirement. If budget or space is a concern, it is perfectly acceptable to limit your guest list to only those you know and want at your wedding. If you are happy to allow plus-ones, it is standard etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. This rule also applies to the spouses or partners of people in your wedding party, the officiant, and the parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

If your budget and venue allow, you may also consider offering plus-ones to guests in serious relationships. This can include couples who are engaged, living together, or have been dating for over a year. If you are unsure about the seriousness of a guest's relationship, it is better to err on the side of caution and offer them a plus-one. It is important to be consistent with this rule to avoid any potential hurt feelings.

When it comes to guests who are casually dating or single, there is no obligation to offer them a plus-one. However, if budget and space allow, you may choose to offer them the option to bring a date or friend. Again, consistency is key to avoid any potential hurt feelings.

In terms of communication, it is essential to be clear on your invitations about who is and is not invited. Traditionally, this is done by addressing the outer envelope to the guest(s) and including an inner envelope that lists the names of any additional guests. If using a single envelope or online invitation, be sure to address all invitees clearly, including the names of any plus-ones or indicating "and guest" if appropriate.

Finally, be prepared for guests to ask about bringing a plus-one if they were not offered one. It is recommended to handle these requests on a case-by-case basis and to be direct and honest about your reasoning for not initially offering a plus-one.

Dealing with B-list invites

Make B-list Decisions Early

If you think you might need to separate your guest list into an A-list and a B-list, decide as soon as possible. This will give you time to organise the lists and figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

When creating your B-list, organise it in order of priority. Put those who are important to you but didn't quite make the A-list at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary toward the bottom. This way, if you have a certain number of spots open up, you know who to invite first.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid having friends or family members compare their invites and realise they may have been on the B-list, decide on criteria for what qualifies someone for the A-list vs the B-list, and apply this consistently. For example, one criterion could be how much time you have spent with them in the past year.

Send Invitations Early

If you are sending out B-list invites, it is best to send your A-list invitations out around 12 weeks in advance, with an RSVP deadline of eight weeks before the wedding date. This gives you time to send out B-list invites at the eight-week mark, with an RSVP deadline of four weeks. This way, you can avoid sending out B-list invites after the RSVP deadline has passed.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

To make the process easier, print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before the wedding, following traditional etiquette.

Mail the B-list Invites at Once

Choose a deadline date for adding B-list guests, and mail all the invitations on the same day. This helps you keep track of who you've added and ensures that invitations are sent out in a timely manner.

Be Honest

If, for whatever reason, a guest finds out they were on your B-list, it is best to be honest with them. Explain that your wedding guest list was restricted and that you needed to stagger the invitation process while waiting for RSVPs. Let them know that you are happy for them to attend your wedding.

Inviting children

When it comes to inviting children to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, decide whether you want children at your wedding at all. If you do, the easiest option is to simply invite all the children in your family and friend groups. This approach ensures that no one feels left out and can make your wedding more fun and lively, especially if you organise child-friendly activities. However, if you are on a budget or have limited space, you may need to be more selective.

One option is to set an age limit. For example, you could invite only children over the age of 12, or you could choose a younger age group, such as toddlers who are not yet in school and can be easily supervised by their parents. Another option is to limit the number of children invited by setting a quota for each family or by selecting only the children closest to the couple getting married. You could also consider inviting children to the wedding ceremony and reception but not to the after-party.

If you decide to exclude children from your wedding, it is important to be consistent. For example, you could set a rule that only children in the wedding party are invited, or you could limit the number of children by family or friendship group. Another option is to provide childcare services at your wedding venue so that parents can attend and still ensure their children are taken care of.

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations for families with children, it is important to be clear. If children are invited, include their names on the invitation or specify "and family". If you are inviting a family but excluding certain children, you can write the names of the invited children on the invitation or specify "and family, excluding the children".

Frequently asked questions