Franklin Dean
Planning a wedding is an exciting time, but it can also be difficult if you're missing a loved one who has passed away. Honouring them at your wedding is a way to feel connected to them on your special day. There are many unique and thoughtful ways to remember a lost loved one, from public tributes to private rituals, and it's important to do what feels right for you. Whether it's incorporating their favourite things into your menu, displaying photos, or taking a moment to share memories, your wedding can be a celebration of their life and the role they played in yours.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Public tribute | Display photos of the deceased, add an "In Loving Memory Of" tribute to the program, create a memory box, or set up a memorial table |
| Private tribute | Keep a photo of the deceased in your pocket, wear jewelry or clothing they gave you, or incorporate their favorite flower into your bouquet |
| Speeches and readings | Share a few words of remembrance, give a toast, or incorporate meaningful readings |
| Rituals | Light a candle, have a moment of silence, or play a song |
| Food and drink | Serve their favorite food or a signature drink named after them |
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What You'll Learn
Public vs private tributes
Honouring a deceased loved one at a wedding can be done publicly or privately, or a combination of both. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and it is important to do what feels right and appropriate for you as a couple.
Public tributes can be a wonderful way to involve guests in celebrating the life of a loved one and sharing memories. A popular public tribute is a memorial table with framed photos, names, and dates of birth or passing. You could also include sentimental items, such as a favourite piece of jewellery or a letter. If your loved one enjoyed cooking, you could serve food inspired by their recipes or favourite dishes. You could also offer a special favour inspired by something they loved, such as cigars, with a sign explaining the token.
Private tributes can be a more intimate way to honour a loved one and can be done in a way that is personal and unique to you. You could keep a photo of them in a small frame attached to your bouquet or in an inside pocket. Alternatively, you could wear a piece of jewellery they gave you or include their favourite flowers in your bouquet.
It is important to consider your own comfort levels and those of others who may be sensitive about the situation. If your wedding is soon after the passing of a loved one, certain tributes may be emotionally difficult, so it is essential to take this into account when deciding how to honour them.
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Readings and speeches
First, determine if you are an appropriate person to do so. Consider your relationship with the couple and the deceased. For example, if you're a parent and the deceased is your spouse and the other parent of the couple, you are definitely in a role to speak about this person. However, if you're a friend of the couple who wasn't especially close to the deceased, it may be best to refrain from mentioning them in your speech.
Next, figure out who should be specifically mentioned within the speech. Ask yourself: What is the relationship between the deceased and the couple? If they are closely related or had a strong emotional connection, you'll likely want to mention them. How long has it passed since their death? The more recent their passing, the more likely you'll want to include them in the speech.
When it comes to the content of the speech, you can opt for an inclusive tribute that covers anyone who has passed away or a more specific tribute by mentioning one or two important people. Here are some examples:
> "For all of our family and friends who are no longer with us, I know each one is smiling down on the couple today with joy in their hearts, knowing that these two have found each other and get to share their life together."
> "Let's all raise a glass to Grandpa Dan. While he can't be here with us today, I know he's raising a glass of his favourite whiskey in heaven and sending his blessing to his granddaughter, who he deeply adored."
Including anecdotes or stories about your loved one can make your speech more impactful and engaging. If you're nervous about getting too emotional, practice reading your speech out loud several times before the wedding day. The more you read it, the more comfortable you'll feel.
In addition to speeches, meaningful readings can also be incorporated into the ceremony to honour a loved one. For example, you could read a modified version of a book that reminds you of them. You don't have to explicitly state why each reading was chosen, so this can be a subtle way to honour their memory.
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Food and drink
Food
If your loved one enjoyed cooking or experimenting with recipes, consider incorporating their recipes into your wedding menu. For example, you could serve cookies made from your grandmother's award-winning recipe or offer your guests the same combination of olives and cheese that you'd always find in your dad's fridge. You could also offer jars of their favourite sweets or serve their favourite dessert, such as a chocolate brownie or lemon drizzle cake.
If you're serving bread, consider including their favourite type, such as sourdough. If you're having a multi-tier cake, you could include a layer in their favourite flavour. Alternatively, set up a dessert station with an array of their favourite treats.
Drinks
If you're serving drinks or having a cocktail hour, consider offering your loved one's favourite drink or a signature cocktail they were known for. You could even have a sign at the bar inviting guests to "Share one of their favourite drinks with us". If your loved one didn't drink alcohol, consider a non-alcoholic version of their favourite drink or a mocktail.
You could also name a drink after your loved one, such as "Mary's Moscow Mule", and include signage at the bar. If your loved one had a pet that passed away, you could name a signature drink after them and decorate with cocktail napkins featuring their portrait.
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Flowers and clothing
Flowers are a beautiful way to honor a loved one at a wedding. You could use flowers that symbolize remembrance and honor, like white roses, or forget-me-nots. Alternatively, you could incorporate their favorite flowers into your wedding decor, such as in the floral arrangements on the ends of the seat rows, or in your bouquet or boutonniere. If you have multiple loved ones to honor, you could include all of their favorite flowers.
You could also reserve a front-row seat in their honor, decorated with a bouquet of their favorite flowers or flowers in a color they loved. If you'd prefer not to have an empty seat, you could use a photo of them, or a sign, or a favorite article of clothing.
If you want to feel closer to your loved one, you could wear or carry something of theirs with you. For example, you could wear their wedding dress, or a piece of their clothing sewn into your outfit, or a pin with their photo on the inside of your jacket. You could also wear their jewelry, such as a necklace, or cufflinks, or a ring tied to your bouquet.
You could also incorporate their favorite foods or drinks into your wedding. You could serve your grandmother's famous cookies, or your grandfather's favorite chocolate chip recipe. You could also serve their favorite drinks, or a signature cocktail named after them.
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Photographs
Memorial Table or Display: Set up a memorial table or a dedicated area at your reception or ceremony to display photographs of your passed loved ones. This can be a modest arrangement with just a few photographs and keepsakes or a larger setup with flowers, quotes, and other mementos. You can also include cute signs with sweet phrases like "forever in our hearts" or "we know you'd be here today if heaven wasn't so far away." This allows guests to view and interact with the memorial.
Incorporating Photos in Attire: You can wear a photo of your late relative as part of your wedding attire. For example, you can stitch a photo into your wedding gown or suit, or wear a locket or pin with their photo inside. This keeps them close to your heart throughout the day.
Bouquet Charm: Add a photo charm of your loved one to your wedding bouquet. This is a touching way to honor them and can be a meaningful addition to your bridal look. You can also incorporate their favorite flower or a symbolic flower, such as a rosemary sprig or white roses, into your bouquet.
Ceremony Aisle: You can add photographs of your loved ones to your ceremony aisle, leading up to the altar. This creates a visual reminder of their presence as you walk down the aisle. Alternatively, you can reserve a seat for them at the front of the ceremony with a photo, flowers, or a candle.
Customized Wedding Photos: After your wedding, consider getting your favorite photos customized by a professional retoucher to add your deceased loved ones. This way, you can create portraits that include everyone you wish could have been there.
It's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to honoring loved ones at your wedding. Do what feels right and special to you, focusing on the happy and meaningful details they would have loved.
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Frequently asked questions
There are many ways to incorporate your passed loved ones into your wedding. You can include them in the program by adding an “In Loving Memory Of” tribute, with photos of them, or a simple message. You can also add photos of them to your ceremony aisle, or reserve a seat for them at the front of the ceremony with a photo, flowers, or a candle.
Yes, you can wear something that belonged to them, such as a wedding dress, tie, or cufflinks. You can also wear jewellery they gave you, or a photo locket of them on your bouquet.
You can incorporate meaningful readings into your ceremony that remind you of them, or serve food that they loved. You can also take a moment during your reception to honour them with a wedding speech, or a moment of silence.
