Choosing Your Bridesmaids: A Guide To Picking Your Wedding Crew

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, especially if you have a large group of friends and family members to choose from. The number of bridesmaids you have is up to you, but the average number is around four to five. It's important to select people you know well and who have supported you through happy and tough times. Don't feel pressured to include people out of obligation; instead, focus on those who will uplift and support you on your big day. Remember, you don't have to stick to a traditional bridal party; feel free to mix it up and include both men and women. Take your time with your selections, and don't be afraid to say no to someone without hurting their feelings.

Make a list of your closest friends and family

Making a list of your closest friends and family is a great way to start the bridesmaid selection process. While it can be overwhelming, creating a list of your best friends and closest family members is a good starting point. It's important to remember that while you may feel close to certain women in your life, such as your mother, aunt, or future mother-in-law, they may not expect to be included as bridesmaids, as this role is usually filled by peers.

Your list can include a variety of people, from female friends, sisters (or sisters-in-law), and cousins, to male friends or family members. Redefine what "friend" means to you and consider including your aunt, work wife, or male cousin. Think about the people you've included in your wedding party and consider returning the favour by asking them to be a part of yours.

As you make your list, consider the expectations you have for your bridesmaids. They can play a significant role in minimising your stress and enhancing your joy during the wedding planning process and related events. Common tasks for bridesmaids include organising the bridal shower and bachelorette party, helping to choose the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses, providing support for pre-wedding jitters, and taking on other tasks to make your life easier.

When deciding on your list, it's also important to think about the availability of your potential bridesmaids. While you may love certain people, their demanding jobs or busy family lives may make it challenging for them to fulfil the role. Communicate openly and let them know that your decision is not a reflection of your relationship but rather a practical consideration.

Finally, reflect on how your potential bridesmaids get along with each other. If you plan to have joint events with your full wedding party, you'll want to ensure that everyone can get along and avoid potential drama or bad vibes.

Remember, this is your special day, and while it's important to consider the feelings of others, ultimately, the decision is yours.

Decide on the number of bridesmaids

Deciding on the number of bridesmaids can be a daunting task, especially with the pressure of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings. The first thing to remember is that there is no set number of bridesmaids that you need to have. The average number of bridesmaids is 4-5, but you can have as many or as few as you like. If you are worried about symmetry in photos, it is worth noting that it is not necessary to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

The next step is to make a list of all the people you are considering. This will help you to narrow down your options and decide on a final number. Include your closest friends and family members, as well as anyone else you feel would be a good addition to your bridal party. Remember that you are not limited to female bridesmaids – it is becoming more common to have a mixed-gender bridal party.

When deciding on the number of bridesmaids, it is important to consider the size of your wedding. For a smaller wedding of 50-60 guests, it is recommended to have no more than four bridesmaids. For a larger wedding of 150 guests or more, a bigger bridal party of 10-12 bridesmaids is more appropriate. Keep in mind that a larger bridal party means more details to organise, such as wedding outfits, bachelorette parties, and bridal showers. It also means more expenses, as brides are usually responsible for some bridesmaid costs, including bouquets, thank-you gifts, transportation, and accommodation.

Finally, don't feel pressured to include someone in your bridal party just because you were a bridesmaid at their wedding. It is your special day, and you should choose the people who will make you happiest and most supported.

Pick people who will be positive and uplifting

Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life, and you want to be surrounded by people who will make it memorable for all the right reasons. When deciding on your bridesmaids, it's crucial to pick people who will be positive and uplifting. Here are some tips to help you choose:

Pick your cheerleaders

Choose bridesmaids who are genuinely happy for you and your partner. Opt for those who are enthusiastic about your wedding and will be there to cheer you on. They should be supportive of your marriage and want the best for you. These are the people who will keep your spirits high and ensure you're having a good time.

Avoid the drama

It's essential to avoid anyone who might bring drama or negative vibes to your big day. Steer clear of people who tend to be negative or those who try to "one-up" you. The last thing you want is a bridesmaid who stresses you out or adds to your wedding planning worries. Instead, surround yourself with people who will lift you up and ensure your happiness.

Go for fun and enthusiastic

Your bridesmaids should be fun and enthusiastic. They will make your wedding celebrations even more memorable and enjoyable. Opt for friends who you always have a good time with and who know how to keep the mood light and joyful. These are the people who will ensure your wedding is a celebration to remember.

Consider their availability and circumstances

While you may want to include certain people, it's important to consider their availability and circumstances. For example, a demanding job or busy family life might make it challenging for some people to fulfil the bridesmaid role. Explain that your decision is not due to a lack of love but rather a desire to avoid overloading them with extra obligations.

Be thoughtful in your selection

Remember, your bridesmaids should be people who will enhance your joy and minimise your stress. Choose those who will be positive and uplifting, and don't be afraid to say no to anyone who might bring drama or negativity to your special day. It's your wedding, and you deserve to be surrounded by love and happiness!

Include men in your bridal party

Including men in your bridal party is becoming more and more common, and for good reason! If your best friend is a guy, or you have a special kinship with a male family member, then it's a great idea to include him in your bridal party. This is your day, and you should be surrounded by the people you love and who have supported you through everything. Gender doesn't matter when it comes to your support system and close confidants.

A "bridesman" is simply the male equivalent of a bridesmaid. He is chosen by the bride to be a member of the bridal party and is often a relative or close friend. If you do decide to have a male bridesmaid, you may want to make all of your wedding events non-gendered. Traditionally, bachelorette parties and bridal showers were only for women, but you could consider having a couple's wedding shower or inviting some of your guy friends to join you for a night out.

When it comes to attire, the key is to complement the bridesmaid dresses. You can decide if you want the bridesman to stand out from the groomsmen or match them. Typically, a bridesman will wear the same suit as the groomsmen but choose a unique tie, vest, or boutonniere. Alternatively, he could wear a different-coloured suit to stand out more. You could also match the bridesman's boutonniere to the bridesmaids' flowers, or give him his own bouquet.

In terms of duties and responsibilities, a bridesman's role can be whatever you want it to be. Like your bridesmaids, your bridesman is expected to assist you in the planning process, attend showers and parties, and stand beside you on the big day. Choose a guy you can rely on to play an active role before, during, and after your wedding. He can help with planning, offer emotional support, and run last-minute errands on the day of the wedding. He can also be a great messenger between the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and he'll bring a different kind of laid-back, funny energy that will be appreciated when nerves are frazzled.

Be ruthless when refining your list

Deciding on your bridesmaids is a personal and often challenging task. When it comes to refining your list, it's essential to be ruthless and make decisions that are best for you and your wedding.

Start by considering the size of your wedding party. A good rule of thumb is to have one bridesmaid for every 50 guests; this ensures that your attendants aren't overwhelmed and that you have enough support. If you have a large number of potential bridesmaids in mind, be brave and cut down the list. A smaller bridal party can make the day feel more intimate and special, and it also reduces costs and simplifies logistics.

Next, be honest with yourself about the relationships that matter most. It's easy to get caught up in feelings of obligation or the desire to include everyone, but your bridesmaids should be the people you feel closest to and who will support and uplift you on your big day. Consider who has been there for you through thick and thin and who will bring positivity and joy to the role. It's okay to exclude people you feel less connected to, even if they are expecting to be included.

Don't be afraid to let people know that you value their friendship but have decided to go in a different direction for your wedding. You can explain your decision by saying something like, "I want to keep the bridal party small, but I'd love to have you involved in another way." Offer them alternative ways to participate, such as doing a reading during the ceremony or helping with the hen party.

Finally, remember that your bridesmaids will be heavily featured in your wedding photos and will play a significant role in your memories of the day. Choose a group that you will be excited to look back on and that represents the relationships you cherish most.

Frequently asked questions