Wedding Guest List: Deciding Who Makes The Cut

Creating a wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Couples have to balance their wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To make the process easier, here is a guide on how to decide who makes your wedding list.

Budget and venue

The first step is to set a clear budget and understand the limits of your venue, working backward from there. You may need to make the tough decision to opt for a smaller guest list to stay within your means or upgrade to a larger venue. It's important to remember that financial logic should always trump FOMO.

When it comes to budgeting for your wedding, the venue and catering typically make up the largest proportion of the budget. A good rule of thumb is to spend no more than 40% of your overall budget on the venue, rental fees, food, and alcohol combined. The cost per head for catering services will depend on the size of your guest list, so this is a crucial factor to consider.

When choosing a venue, keep in mind that some locations have headcount minimums, meaning they won't host a wedding that's too small. Additionally, certain venues have per-head minimums, so the cost per guest may be higher in certain places.

To stay within your budget, you may need to be flexible and willing to compromise. For example, you could choose a less expensive venue or opt for minimalist decor to free up funds for other areas, like catering or entertainment.

It's also important to be mindful of hidden costs that can add up quickly. These include taxes, tips, vendor meals, overtime costs, and planning trips for destination weddings. A buffer of 5-15% of your total budget is recommended to cover any unexpected expenses.

In summary, creating a wedding guest list involves carefully considering your budget and venue constraints. Be realistic about what you can afford and don't be afraid to make tough decisions to stay within your means. The venue and catering will likely be your biggest expenses, so allocate your budget accordingly and be prepared for hidden costs.

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones for your wedding can be tricky, but there are some general rules of thumb that can help guide your decision-making. Here are some tips to help you navigate this aspect of wedding planning:

Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests

As a general rule, it is customary to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests to your wedding. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly close with them. It is important to respect your guests' significant others and acknowledge their commitment to each other.

Bridal Party

It is also standard etiquette to offer plus-ones to your bridal party. This is a way to thank them for their time, effort, and support during the wedding planning process. Allowing a bridesmaid or groomsman to bring a date, even if it is a new partner, is a token of appreciation and can contribute to a happier wedding party.

Be Consistent with Clear Criteria

If you decide to offer plus-ones to some single guests outside of the bridal party, it is important to be consistent and have clear criteria. Offering plus-ones to only one or a select few single guests can lead to hurt feelings. However, if budget and space allow, you may choose to offer plus-ones to all single guests to encourage a more communal and inclusive atmosphere.

Destination Weddings

If you are having a destination wedding, it is considerate to allow your guests to bring a plus-one, especially if they are travelling a long distance and may not know many other people at the wedding. This can make the trip feel more like a vacation and give them a companion to explore a new place with.

Serious Relationships

When deciding on plus-ones, it is important to consider the seriousness of your guests' relationships. If a guest is in a long-term, committed relationship, it is respectful to offer them a plus-one, even if they are not married or engaged. Use your best judgment and try to determine if the relationship is serious. If in doubt, it is better to err on the side of caution and offer the plus-one.

Casual Relationships

On the other hand, if a guest has a new partner or seems to have a different significant other every few months, a plus-one is not a priority. However, if your budget allows, you may offer a last-minute plus-one if they are in a serious relationship by the time invitations are sent out.

Seating Considerations

When considering plus-ones, think about the seating dynamics at your wedding. Try to seat single guests with outgoing and friendly couples or groups to create a comfortable and communal atmosphere. Avoid placing them between married couples or PDA-heavy pairs, as this can be awkward.

Requests for Plus-Ones

Be prepared for guests to ask if they can bring a plus-one if they were not initially offered one. Handle these requests with grace and consistency. You may need to consider factors such as budget, venue capacity, and the overall environment you want to create for your wedding day. It is acceptable to politely decline, but be mindful of your guests' feelings.

No Ring, No Bring

While tradition may dictate the "no ring, no bring" rule, it is not proper etiquette to abide by this solely. Consider your guests' current relationship statuses and try to create an intentional, comfortable, and positive atmosphere.

Know Your Guests' Plus-Ones

Make an effort to know the names of your guests' plus-ones and ensure they are correctly written on the save-the-date, invitation, and escort card. This shows attention to detail and is the polite thing to do.

Curate Your Guest List

If you are unable to offer plus-ones due to budget or space constraints, make a point to curate your guest list thoughtfully. Introduce single guests to each other beforehand or seat them with people they know to ensure they feel comfortable and welcomed.

Remember, your wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who matter to you. Use your best judgment, be consistent, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Family

Deciding on the guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to family. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Be Fair with Family

It's important to treat family members equally when creating your guest list. If you invite one aunt, consider including all aunts and uncles. This may help to keep tensions at bay and ensure that no one's feelings are hurt. If you want to highlight a particular family member, you can ask them to give a speech or find another meaningful way to call out your closeness.

Consider Your Budget and Venue

When deciding on your guest list, it's crucial to take into account your budget and the type of wedding you're planning. Consider setting aside a significant portion of your budget for the venue and catering, and then create a guest list that fits within those parameters. Be realistic about how many people you can afford to host and how many your chosen venue can accommodate.

Don't Let Your Parents Add Guests You Don't Know

While it's customary for parents to have some input on the guest list, especially if they are contributing financially, it's important to set boundaries. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you don't know, such as distant relatives or your parents' friends. Have an open conversation with your parents and try to find a compromise that works for everyone.

Prioritize Close Loved Ones

Start by making a list of your VIPs, including immediate family members and close friends. These are the people you absolutely want to be there to celebrate with you. If you have a large guest list, keep in mind that you may not have the chance to interact with everyone, so prioritise those who are closest to you.

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue. Here are some points to consider:

Upsides to Having Children at Your Wedding

• Children can add a lot of fun, laughter and atmosphere to a wedding. They can create some fabulous photos and hilarious memories that you'll treasure forever.
• If you have close family or friends with children, it can be a lovely memory to share with them to have their kids in the wedding party.
• For guests, paying for someone to look after their children can be an extra expense on top of the cost of attending your wedding, which some may not be able to afford.

Downsides to Having Children at Your Wedding

• Children can be expensive to cater for, and this may eat into your budget.
• Children can be unpredictable and chaotic. If you want a formal, refined atmosphere, it may be best to opt for an adult-only wedding.
• Children may disrupt the enjoyment of adult guests, who may find it difficult to relax, have a drink or dance if they are also caring for children.
• Some venues may not be appropriate for children, or may have limited capacity.
• If your wedding is abroad, guests may not want to bring their children, and you may not want them at what is supposed to be a child-free weekend.

Communicating Your Decision

If you decide not to invite children, make this very clear on the invitation. Address the invitation to the adults only, and consider including a line such as:

> "Please be aware that this will be an adults-only wedding"

> "Our special day will be adults-only; thank you for understanding."

It's also a good idea to call parents of young children to reaffirm that children aren't invited, and to explain whether there will be entertainment for kids. This will help parents to start making arrangements for childcare straight away.

If you do decide to invite children, make this clear on the invitation, too. Write their names on the invitation, or write 'The [surname] family' or 'Mr and Mrs [name] and family' on the envelope.

Keeping Children Entertained

If you do invite children, it's a good idea to keep them occupied with some jobs or activities. Flower girls and page boys are obvious choices, but children could also hand out the order of service, manage the guest book, or act as ushers.

Other entertainment ideas include:

• A kids' room with films, board games and snacks
• Activity packs or goody bags
• Outdoor games or an indoor arcade machine
• A craft corner
• A children's entertainer, such as a magician, face painter or storyteller
• A bouncy castle

Coworkers

When it comes to your wedding, you may be unsure about whether to invite your coworkers. It can be a tricky decision, especially if you spend a lot of time with them and consider some of them friends. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Keep Work and Personal Life Separate

It is perfectly fine to not invite any coworkers to your wedding if you prefer to keep your work and personal life separate. Maintaining a work-life balance can be challenging, and inviting people from work merges those worlds. If you don't have any super-close friends at work, this decision may be easier to make.

Apply the "Do We Hang Outside of Work?" Rule

Consider whether you socialise with your coworkers outside of work hours. Do you call each other up to hang out at the weekend? Do you invite each other to dinner parties or birthday bashes? If not, then you are probably just super-close work friends, and they don't need to be invited to your wedding.

Only Invite Those You're Genuinely Friends With

If you do decide to invite coworkers, carefully curate your guest list and only invite those with whom you have a genuine friendship and who are important to you. Ask yourself: "If I no longer worked there, would I continue the friendship?" If the answer is yes, then they make the cut!

Don't Invite Anyone You'll Be Worried About

Your wedding day should be filled with love and peace. If you think a coworker's presence will make you worried about how they view you, your family, or your traditions, then it's best not to invite them.

Consider Inviting Your Boss

If you are inviting a lot of coworkers, it may be polite to extend an invitation to your boss or manager, especially if you have a good relationship with them. However, this is entirely up to you, and you shouldn't feel obliged to invite them. Chances are, they will politely decline anyway.

Keep Wedding Chat at Work to a Minimum

To avoid any hurt feelings or awkwardness, try not to talk about your wedding planning at work. This will also help you to focus on work and turn off your wedding anxieties for a bit!

Be Mindful of Those Not Invited

If you do decide to invite some coworkers, remember to be mindful of those who aren't invited. They may have hurt feelings, and you still have to work with them, so try to keep wedding talk to a minimum around them and be polite if they ask about it.

Invite Who You Want!

Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want! Don't feel pressured or stressed about making certain people feel included. Invite people because you like them and because they are great friends, not because you feel obliged.

Frequently asked questions