Planning A Wedding? Strategies For Working With A Planner

Planning a wedding can be a stressful and overwhelming experience, and while hiring a wedding planner can help, it's not always a viable option. If you're dealing with a difficult wedding planner, it's important to know how to handle the situation effectively. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging situation and ensure your wedding planning process stays on track:

- Communicate: If you're facing issues with your wedding planner, the first step is to address the problems directly with them. Calmly explain your concerns and give them a chance to improve or rectify their mistakes.

- Seek Legal Advice: If communication breaks down and you feel there has been a breach of contract, consider consulting a legal professional to explore your options, including the possibility of legal action.

- Cut Your Losses: Sometimes, it's best to terminate the contract and move on. If you decide to part ways with your wedding planner, document your reasons clearly and keep evidence of their shortcomings. This will help protect you from any potential repercussions.

- Take Control: Remember, it's your wedding! Take charge of the planning process and consider enlisting the help of family and friends to fill in any gaps left by the planner. You can also seek advice from other married couples or wedding blogs to guide your decisions.

- Stay Organised: Keep a master list of tasks, contacts, and deadlines to ensure nothing falls through the cracks. Create a separate email address for wedding-related communications to stay on top of planning and reduce stress.

- Delegate: Assign a trusted friend or family member to be your day-of manager. This person can handle last-minute decisions and ensure you can fully enjoy your special day without worrying about the small details.

Prioritise self-care

Planning a wedding can be an exciting yet stressful time. It's easy to get caught up in the to-do lists and forget about your own physical and mental wellbeing. Prioritising self-care during this period is essential to ensure you approach your wedding planning from a positive frame of mind. Here are some tips to help you do just that:

• Set boundaries: It's easy to get swept away with wedding planning, but it's important to set aside time for yourself. This could be a daily walk, a weekly yoga session, or a monthly massage or facial. Taking time out for yourself is a great way to reset and recharge.
• Stick to a routine: Maintaining a consistent skincare or exercise routine can be a form of self-care. It gives you a sense of normalcy and helps you stay grounded when things get hectic.
• Therapy and support: Wedding planning can bring up a lot of emotions, and it's important to have a supportive network to help you process them. Consider therapy or counselling to help you navigate any stress or anxiety.
• Alone time: Find moments of solitude to gather your thoughts and reflect. Whether it's a relaxing bath or a quiet walk, taking time for yourself can help you feel more present and grounded.
• Nutrition and health: Don't forget to take care of your physical health. Proper nutrition and staying hydrated are crucial. Consult a nutritionist or ensure you're hitting your nutritional marks to maintain your energy levels.
• Leisurely activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could be watching your favourite TV show, reading a book, or enjoying a hobby. Indulging in these activities can help you de-stress and take your mind off wedding planning.
• Quality time with loved ones: While your friends and family may be involved in the wedding planning, make sure to spend time with them outside of wedding-related activities. Having a break from wedding talk and simply enjoying their company can strengthen your relationships and give you a much-needed respite.

Set boundaries with family members

Setting boundaries with family members during wedding planning is crucial to ensure your big day goes off without a hitch. Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate situation:

Identify Toxic Behaviour

Start by identifying whether a family member is being annoying or if their behaviour is toxic. A person is toxic when they consistently cause you serious harm or emotional pain. If your interactions with someone always leave you feeling worse, you might be dealing with a toxic relationship. Signs of a toxic relationship include feeling belittled, manipulated, or like you're walking on eggshells.

Address the Issue Directly

If you're dealing with a toxic family member, the first step is to address the issue directly with them. Reflect on the negative feelings and experiences you've had due to their behaviour and communicate them. They might be unaware of the impact they're having, so giving them the benefit of the doubt can be a good starting point. However, if they minimise your experience or become defensive, it's a sign of further toxicity, and you should set firmer boundaries.

Create Distance

Setting boundaries doesn't mean completely cutting off the toxic family member. Instead, aim to create distance by not answering every call or text, reducing the time spent with them, sticking to neutral topics, and only spending time with them in the presence of a buffer. You can also block them on social media to limit their access to you.

Cut Ties if Necessary

If you've tried addressing the issue and creating distance without success, you may need to consider cutting ties with the toxic family member. This can be done by writing a letter or email explaining the reasons for your decision and clearly outlining the behaviours that have caused you pain. Emphasise the need to prioritise your mental health and positive relationships. It's important to stick to your decision, even if the other person tries to change your mind.

Seek Support

Dealing with a toxic family member during wedding planning can be emotionally draining. It's crucial to seek support from understanding family members and friends who can provide unconditional love and compassion. Additionally, reaching out to a professional therapist or counsellor can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide you with insights and skills to manage the situation effectively.

Communicate Your Expectations

It's essential to communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly and as early as possible. Have an open conversation with those offering financial support or planning assistance, letting them know that the final decisions rest with you and your partner. This way, they are aware of their role in the process and can provide input without causing unnecessary stress.

Involve Them in a Controlled Way

While setting boundaries is crucial, it's also important to find ways to involve your family members in the planning process. This can be done by delegating specific tasks, such as researching florists or caterers, which allows them to feel included without having complete control. It creates a sense of teamwork and ensures everyone feels valued.

Remember, setting boundaries is essential for a smooth wedding planning process and will strengthen your relationships in the long run. It's your special day, so make sure your voice is heard, and don't be afraid to uphold your boundaries firmly but respectfully.

Create a clear to-do list

Wedding planning can be a stressful and overwhelming experience, but creating a clear to-do list can help you stay organised and on top of things. Here are some tips to create a clear and effective to-do list:

Choose a Digital To-Do List App

To-do lists are a great way to stay organised, but a written to-do list can be disorganised and prone to mistakes. Instead, opt for a digital to-do list app that offers sorting and prioritising features, as well as the ability to set reminders and notifications. This way, you can easily rearrange tasks, track deadlines, and access your list from anywhere.

Capture Everything

Make sure to write down all your tasks, no matter how big or small. It's better to have a comprehensive list that you can mark as complete later than to forget something important. Include specific details and break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones.

Create Multiple Lists

To stay organised and avoid feeling overwhelmed, create separate lists for different categories. For example, you could have one list for personal tasks, another for wedding planning tasks, and a third for work-related tasks. This way, you can focus on one list at a time and avoid confusion.

Prioritise and Set Deadlines

Prioritise your tasks based on their urgency and relevance. Clearly define what needs to be done and when, and set deadlines for each task to help you stay on track. This will ensure that you complete the most important tasks first and don't miss any deadlines.

Make it Actionable

Ensure that each task on your to-do list is actionable and specific. Start tasks with verbs, such as "design" or "book", to make them clear and easy to understand. Avoid vague or general tasks that may be difficult to accomplish.

Collaborate and Delegate

Don't try to do everything yourself. Wedding planning can be a team effort, so involve your partner, family, and friends. Delegate tasks to others and use collaboration features in your to-do list app to stay connected and ensure that everyone knows their responsibilities.

Dedicate time to wedding planning

Planning a wedding can be a stressful and overwhelming experience, but dedicating time to the process can help keep you organised and on track. Here are some tips to help you dedicate time to wedding planning:

• Start Early: Begin planning your wedding as early as possible, ideally 12-14 months in advance. This will give you ample time to tackle tasks and make decisions without feeling rushed.
• Create a Timeline: Develop a detailed month-by-month timeline that breaks down tasks into manageable chunks. This will help you stay organised and ensure you don't leave everything until the last minute.
• Set Aside Dedicated Planning Time: Schedule specific times for wedding planning and treat it like any other appointment. This could be a weekly planning session with your partner or a daily 30-minute slot to research and make decisions.
• Involve Your Partner: Wedding planning should be a team effort. Involve your partner in the process and divide tasks according to your strengths and interests. This will not only lighten the load but also help you bond and grow as a couple.
• Delegate Tasks: Don't try to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks to your wedding party, family members, or friends who are willing to help. This will free up your time and allow you to focus on more important aspects.
• Prioritise Self-Care: Wedding planning can be demanding, so make sure to prioritise self-care. Schedule time for activities that help you relax and recharge, such as yoga, going for walks, or getting a massage. A well-rested and relaxed couple is more likely to enjoy the planning process and make thoughtful decisions.
• Stay Organised: Use tools such as checklists, spreadsheets, or wedding planning apps to stay organised. Create a master checklist that covers all aspects of the wedding, from budgeting to vendor bookings and attire selections. This will help you stay on top of tasks and ensure nothing is overlooked.
• Take Breaks: Planning a wedding can be all-consuming, so make sure to schedule breaks and time off. This could be a weekly date night with your partner or a weekend getaway to recharge and refocus. Remember, it's important to maintain a healthy balance.
• Seek Professional Help: Consider hiring a wedding planner or day-of coordinator to handle some or all of the planning. They can provide guidance, keep you organised, and take the stress out of managing all the details.

Consider a day-of coordinator

Even if a full-service wedding planner isn't in the budget, hiring a professional to oversee the day-of details can be a game-changer. A day-of coordinator will ensure that all the logistics of the wedding are handled, from managing vendors to troubleshooting problems and keeping an eye on the schedule.

Day-of coordinators are responsible for the flawless execution of the plans made by the couple and/or wedding planner. They are the point of contact for vendors, so any questions or concerns are diverted away from the happy couple and their families.

The cost of a day-of coordinator varies depending on their responsibilities, the number of locations, the number of hours, and the expected guest count. Generally, the larger the wedding, the more useful a day-of coordinator will be. If you're having 50 or more guests, it's a good idea to consider one.

A day-of coordinator can also be helpful if you're getting married in an untraditional venue, such as someone's home or a national park. They can ensure that the venue is set up properly and that all the necessary details are taken care of.

When hiring a day-of coordinator, look for someone with experience, especially at your chosen venue. Effective communication skills are also key. You want someone who is calm, collected, and on the same wavelength as you.

A day-of coordinator can be a valuable addition to your wedding team, allowing you to relax and enjoy your special day while they handle the logistics.

Frequently asked questions