Managing Bridesmaids: Strategies For Handling Difficult Personalities

Planning a wedding is stressful, and a difficult bridesmaid can make things worse. From clashing opinions on attire to complaints about expenses, there are many potential issues that can arise with bridesmaids. One common issue is when a bridesmaid dislikes their outfit. To resolve this, the bride can suggest a compromise, such as choosing the colour and letting the bridesmaid pick the style, or allowing each bridesmaid to wear a unique dress or even a jumpsuit. Another issue is when a bridesmaid grumbles about expenses. To mitigate this, the bride can choose a reasonably priced dress and encourage the bridesmaid to wear shoes she already owns, or offer to pay for her hair and makeup as a gift. If the bridesmaid continues to make remarks about money, the bride can sit down with her one-on-one and find solutions together.

When they dislike their outfit

Dealing with difficult bridesmaids can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to their outfits. Here are some tips to handle the situation when your bridesmaids dislike their chosen attire:

Communicate and Compromise:

Firstly, encourage open communication. Ask your bridesmaids about their preferences and try to work out a compromise. You can offer them flexibility in choosing the style, neckline, or other details while maintaining the same colour across the board. This way, you respect their self-esteem and financial situation while still achieving a cohesive look.

Offer Customisation Options:

Suggest customisation options to your bridesmaids. They can add personal touches to their outfits, such as sleeves, different skirt styles, or unique accessories. This approach ensures that they feel more comfortable and confident while still adhering to your wedding theme.

Be Considerate with Budgeting:

Be mindful of the financial burden on your bridesmaids. Offer to pay for any necessary alterations to ensure a perfect fit, or suggest budget-friendly options like wearing their own shoes or accessories to reduce their expenses.

Focus on Accessories:

Encourage your bridesmaids to express their style through accessories. Statement jewellery, cute shawls, creative eye makeup, or hair accessories can help shift the focus from the dress and give them a chance to showcase their personality.

Prioritise Relationships:

Remind your bridesmaids that the wedding is about celebrating love and happiness. While their feelings about the outfit are valid, assure them that it's just for one day and that your relationship with them is more important than the dress.

Remember, it's essential to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Each bridesmaid will have their own unique style and comfort levels, so work together to find solutions that respect their individuality while still aligning with your wedding vision.

When they grumble about expenses

Being a bridesmaid can be a huge honour, but it also comes with a lot of financial commitments. It is understandable that some bridesmaids may grumble about the expenses, and there are ways to handle this situation with care. Here are some detailed suggestions on what to do when your bridesmaids grumble about expenses:

Firstly, be considerate and try to mitigate their spending. Choose a reasonably priced dress and work together with your bridesmaids to find an option that suits their budget and style. Allow them to wear shoes they already own, and consider paying for their hair and makeup as a thank-you gift. If possible, try to reduce costs for pre-wedding events, such as the bachelorette party, and suggest alternative options for those who cannot afford certain expenses.

Secondly, communicate openly and honestly with your bridesmaids about their financial concerns. It is important to have these conversations early on, as it will help manage expectations and adjust budgets accordingly. Encourage your bridesmaids to be transparent about their financial capabilities and work together to find solutions. For example, they could skip a pre-wedding event or fly separately to your destination wedding.

Additionally, it is crucial to remember that money is a sensitive topic, and it is ultimately up to the individual to decide how they spend it. If a bridesmaid is reluctant to spend a lot of money on your wedding, respect their decision and don't pressure them. You can also suggest other ways for them to be involved, such as helping with planning or offering non-financial support.

Remember, it is important to maintain open communication, be considerate of their financial situation, and work together to find solutions that ensure your bridesmaids feel valued and respected.

By following these suggestions, you can address the concerns of difficult bridesmaids who grumble about expenses, ensuring that your wedding planning remains a positive and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

When they're non-committal

You know your wedding won't be everyone's number one priority, but it would be a lot easier if your non-committal bridesmaid would speak up in the group chat and tell you her availability for dress shopping and fittings. It's impossible to pin her down.

The challenge here is getting her attention, as she won't commit to anything. Step away from anything wedding-related and arrange to see her or have a phone call. Point out how you haven't heard from her and politely ask if she's too busy to be a bridesmaid. Give her the option to opt out if that's the case.

If she's not too busy, it's worth asking her if there's anything you can do to make it easier and more fun for her. Bring up the bachelorette party and let her know that you're aware that destination bachelorette parties can be super expensive. You could also ask her how the dress is going and if she needs any help. If she discloses that the dress makes her feel uncomfortable, talk about ways to accessorise the dress to make her feel better.

If she's not responding to your emails, try calling her and let her know you'd love to talk to her. Tell her how happy you are that she's a bridesmaid and that you feel lucky to have such a great group of friends and family who can be there for you.

If she's still not committing, it might be time to ask her if she wants to relinquish her title. Be prepared that you will likely lose her as a friend forever.

When they're self-centred

Dealing with a self-centred bridesmaid can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can help manage the situation:

Firstly, it is important to recognise that a self-centred bridesmaid may be acting out of a desire to share her own wedding experiences or excitement about her own hypothetical wedding. While this can be frustrating, gently reminding her that it is your day and you want to plan it your way can help steer the conversation back on track. If she has never been married, consider asking her what she would like for her own wedding and then gently guide her back to the topic of your wedding plans.

If your bridesmaid constantly brings the conversation back to herself and her own experiences, it may be necessary to address the issue more directly. Ask her how she feels about being a bridesmaid and if she is still excited about your wedding plans. This can help you understand her perspective and address any underlying concerns or issues.

In some cases, a self-centred bridesmaid may be struggling with personal issues, such as depression or family problems, which can impact her behaviour. While it is important to be sympathetic and understanding, it is also crucial to set boundaries and communicate your expectations clearly. If she is constantly making decisions about your wedding planning process, take her aside and explain that you feel she is not respecting your choices.

It is also important to remember that being a bridesmaid can be expensive, and your bridesmaid may have financial concerns. Be considerate of her budget and try to choose reasonably priced options for attire and other expenses. If she is concerned about costs, have a private conversation with her to address these worries and see if there are ways to reduce her financial burden.

Finally, if all else fails, it may be necessary to re-evaluate her role in your wedding party. While it is a difficult decision, sometimes removing a self-centred bridesmaid from her duties can help alleviate stress and tension leading up to your big day. Remember, your wedding planning process should be a joyful time, and addressing issues with a self-centred bridesmaid promptly and directly can help ensure a smoother journey to the altar.

When they're jealous

Dealing with a difficult bridesmaid can be stressful, especially if they are a close friend or relative. If you suspect that a bridesmaid is acting out of jealousy, here are some ways to address the situation:

Firstly, it is important to remember that not everyone will be overjoyed about your engagement or wedding plans. A bridesmaid's lack of enthusiasm does not necessarily mean that they are jealous. However, if their behaviour changes or they start acting differently, it may be a sign of underlying jealousy or other issues.

If you suspect jealousy, avoid accusing them directly. Instead, initiate a one-on-one conversation to understand their perspective and address any concerns. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses. This will help you identify any underlying issues and show your support. It is important to approach this conversation with empathy and understanding.

During the conversation, explain that you value their presence in your wedding party and that you want to ensure they feel included and supported. Ask if there is anything you can do to make their experience as a bridesmaid more enjoyable. Be open to their suggestions and try to find compromises where possible. For example, if they are uncomfortable with the bridesmaid dress, suggest accessories or minor alterations to make them feel more confident.

Additionally, involve them in aspects of the wedding planning that they may be interested in. For instance, if they are crafty, they may enjoy helping with DIY projects like ceremony programs or escort cards. This can help channel their energy into something positive and make them feel more invested in your special day.

If the bridesmaid continues to act jealous or becomes difficult, it may be necessary to re-evaluate their role in the wedding party. You can offer them an opportunity to bow out gracefully, emphasising that you understand if their participation is too much for them at this time. While it may be challenging, focusing on the happiness in your life and the support of your other bridesmaids can help you navigate this difficult situation.

Remember, open communication, empathy, and compromise are key to addressing difficult dynamics within your bridal party.

Frequently asked questions