Selecting Bridesmaids: A Point System For The Perfect Pick

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task. You want to make sure that you have the right people by your side on your big day, and that you don't hurt anyone's feelings in the process. A point system can be a great way to objectively assess your options and make the decision a little easier. You can award points based on various criteria, such as reliability, family ties, emotional support, and financial situation. For example, you might give more points to someone who is a close family member or who you know will be able to provide practical help with wedding planning and offer emotional support. You can also consider the size of your wedding and the number of guests you'll have when deciding on the number of bridesmaids to choose.

Include family members

Including family members in your bridal party can be a great way to honour your closest relatives and ensure your wedding is a truly intimate affair. Here are some things to consider when deciding whether to include family members as bridesmaids:

The role of bridesmaids

Bridesmaids are typically some of the bride's closest friends and/or family members, and they play a significant role throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. Their main role is to assist the Maid of Honour with her wedding planning duties and offer additional help to the bride as needed. This can include providing emotional support, assisting with planning and paying for pre-wedding events like the bridal shower and bachelorette party, attending all pre-wedding events, running errands, keeping a record of gifts, offering extra hands with DIY projects, and helping the bride get ready on the morning of the wedding.

Family dynamics

If you're close to your sister, including her in your bridal party is a wonderful way to honour your sibling bond. However, if you don't consider your sister a best friend, it's usually worth including her anyway to avoid unnecessary conflict and hurt feelings. The same goes for in-laws—even if you're not particularly close to your partner's sister, try to fit her into your bridal party to avoid any family drama. After all, siblings are around well past your 10-year anniversary, and chances are you'll become closer to them over the years.

Age considerations

If you come from a big family and want to include young attendants, consider asking teenage family members to be junior bridesmaids. Younger family members can also participate as flower girls or ring bearers, adding a cute and charming element to your wedding ceremony.

Alternative roles

If you have many family members you want to include but can't have them all as bridesmaids, consider assigning them alternative roles. For example, they could be ushers, ceremony readers, candle lighters, musicians, or even a social media manager for the wedding. These roles allow family members to feel involved and appreciated without the full responsibilities of a bridesmaid.

Size of the bridal party

Remember that a larger bridal party means more details to organise, such as picking flattering wedding outfits, planning events that accommodate everyone's schedules, and determining a bridal shower date. It can also be more expensive, as brides are typically responsible for some bridesmaid expenses, including bouquets, thank-you gifts, day-of transportation, and possibly hair and makeup. Therefore, if you have a large family and want to include many members in your bridal party, consider your budget and the additional planning required.

Choose reliable bridesmaids

Choosing reliable bridesmaids is an important part of the wedding planning process. Bridesmaids are typically some of the bride's closest friends and/or family members, and they play a significant role in both the planning process and on the wedding day itself. Here are some tips to help you choose reliable bridesmaids:

Emphasize Reliability

Look for friends or family members who are reliable and responsible. Choose people who you know will show up on time, follow through with assigned tasks, and be there for any and all events such as bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and rehearsals.

Communication is Key

Have honest conversations about expectations from the start. Be clear about what you need from your bridesmaids and be open to hearing their thoughts as well. This will help ensure everyone is on the same page and avoid potential misunderstandings or conflicts down the line.

Consider Personalities

Think about how your potential bridesmaids will get along with each other. It's not necessary for everyone to be best friends, but try to avoid including someone with a strong or abrasive personality that may rub others the wrong way. Aim for a group of friendly, cordial individuals who can easily transition between different groups. This will help create a positive and supportive dynamic within your bridal party.

Be Mindful of Budget

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, with costs including attire, travel, gifts, and pre-wedding parties. Be mindful of your friends' financial situations and have open conversations about budget constraints. If you know someone is in a tough spot financially, consider alternative ways for them to be involved, such as giving a reading at the ceremony or helping with specific tasks.

Don't Feel Obligated

Remember, you are not obligated to ask someone to be a bridesmaid just because you were in their wedding party. It's important to choose people who are vital in your life and who will provide support and celebration. Don't feel pressured to include everyone; prioritize quality over quantity.

By following these tips, you can assemble a group of reliable and supportive bridesmaids who will be there for you throughout the wedding planning process and on your special day.

Don't feel obligated to reciprocate

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task, and it's understandable that you'd want to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. While it's natural to feel obligated to reciprocate if someone has included you in their bridal party, it's important to remember that your wedding is your special day, and you are free to choose your bridesmaids without any sense of duty. Here are some reasons why you shouldn't feel pressured to reciprocate:

• It's Your Day: Your wedding day is all about you and your partner. When selecting your bridesmaids, prioritize your preferences, values, and the type of celebration you envision. The people you choose to stand by your side should reflect your closest relationships and those who will support and uplift you on your big day.
• Size of Your Wedding Party: If you prefer a smaller, more intimate bridal party, it's perfectly acceptable to have a limited number of bridesmaids. You can explain that you want to keep the group small, and it's not personal. This way, you can avoid the pressure of including everyone who has included you in their bridal party.
• Time has Passed: If a friend included you in their bridal party several years ago, and your wedding is now on the horizon, you are not obligated to reciprocate unless you want to. As time passes, relationships evolve, and it's understandable that your circle of close friends may have changed. If your wedding is years after theirs, it's unlikely that anyone will expect you to return the favour.
• Financial Considerations: Being a bridesmaid can be financially demanding, from purchasing gowns and accessories to contributing to pre-wedding events. If you have a limited budget or want to allocate funds to other aspects of your wedding, it's perfectly valid to choose your bridesmaids accordingly. You can explain that you want to minimise financial strain on your friends, and a smaller bridal party helps achieve that.
• Honesty and Communication: If you feel concerned about hurting someone's feelings, honest and open communication is key. Explain your decision-making process, emphasising that it's not personal but based on specific criteria or a desire to keep the group small. Most friends will understand and respect your wishes, especially if you express your gratitude for their friendship and find other ways to include them in your celebrations.

Remember, your wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment. While it's important to consider others' feelings, don't feel pressured to choose your bridesmaids out of a sense of obligation. Select individuals who will enhance your joy and provide the support you need as you embark on this new chapter of your life.

Don't stick to gender stereotypes

When choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to remember that you don't have to stick to gender stereotypes. Your wedding party is there to support you and celebrate with you on your big day, so you should feel free to choose whoever you want for this role, regardless of their gender.

If you have male friends or siblings who are important to you, don't be afraid to ask them to be your bridesman or Man of Honour. They can wear an outfit that matches the colour scheme of your wedding, or something that aligns with their personal style and makes them feel comfortable. For example, they could wear a suit that matches the groomsmen's suits, or a plain suit with a shirt that matches the bridesmaids' dresses.

If you have non-binary friends, you can also include them in your bridal party. Ask them what they would feel comfortable wearing, and be mindful of their preferences and pronouns.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with the people who mean the most to you. So, when choosing your bridesmaids, focus on the people who will support and celebrate with you, regardless of their gender.

Be mindful of their financial situation

Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive affair, so it's important to be mindful of your friends' and family members' financial situations when choosing your bridal party. While their budget will not be as big as yours, your bridesmaids will have to pay for quite a bit, including their dress, accessories, hair, makeup, and alterations. They may also be responsible for throwing your bridal shower and bachelorette party, among other expenses.

It's crucial to be clear about what you expect from your bridesmaids financially and to communicate this from the beginning. Be upfront about any financial expectations, including the cost of dresses, gifts, and accessories. Be mindful that not everyone has unlimited resources, and don't be offended if someone says they can't afford to be a bridesmaid. They might have personal reasons for not participating in your wedding, and it's not a slight against you.

If you have friends or family members who live far away, keep in mind that they will incur travel expenses. If you are willing and able to cover these costs, then by all means, ask them. However, if not, you may need to choose someone else who lives closer and can more easily afford to be in your wedding.

Remember, the role of a bridesmaid is to support the bride, and this includes financial support as well. Be understanding if a bridesmaid needs to opt out of certain activities or expenses due to financial constraints. A good friend may be disappointed but will get it.

When choosing your bridesmaids, be mindful of their financial situation, and don't put anyone in a difficult position. It's important to choose people who can afford to participate in your wedding and who you know will be reliable and responsible throughout the process.

Frequently asked questions