Honorary Bridesmaids: How To Ask And Make Them Feel Special

Asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid is a thoughtful way to include close friends or family members in your wedding celebration. An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is not a part of the bride's immediate family but is asked to be part of the wedding party. This could be a friend, relative, or even a celebrity. They are typically invited to all pre-wedding events, including bridal showers and bachelorette parties, and play a crucial role in offering support and assistance to the bride. When asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid, it is important to choose your words carefully and emphasise the uniqueness of their role and the importance of their presence.

Explain the role and its significance

An honorary bridesmaid is a friend or relative of the bride or groom who is not part of the immediate family but is asked to be part of the wedding party. They are usually individuals who hold a significant place in the bride's life, and the role is shaped by the bride's wishes.

Honorary bridesmaids are not expected to participate in all wedding party activities, such as the bachelorette party, but they are invited to all pre-wedding events, including bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and the rehearsal dinner. They may also walk down the aisle but typically do not stand at the altar with the other bridesmaids.

The honorary bridesmaid role is a way to recognise and include important individuals who may not be able to participate as official bridesmaids. It is often given to older relatives, such as aunts or cousins, or close friends who are unable to commit fully to the responsibilities of a bridesmaid due to distance or other obligations.

Honorary bridesmaids can provide extra support during wedding preparations and on the wedding day, such as helping with decorations, engaging with guests, assisting the bride with dressing, and performing unique tasks like reading a passage or delivering a toast.

The number of honorary bridesmaids is not limited and is usually chosen as a group rather than individuals to avoid hurt feelings. They are often given the freedom to choose their attire, with guidance on a specific hue or style to complement the wedding's aesthetic.

Overall, the honorary bridesmaid role is a way to honour and include special individuals in the wedding celebration while adapting to their specific needs and the dynamics of the bridal party.

Be mindful of age differences

When asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid, it's important to be mindful of age differences. This is especially relevant when the honorary bridesmaid is much older than the rest of the bridal party. While it's perfectly acceptable to have an older relative or friend as an honorary bridesmaid, it's crucial to approach the topic sensitively and avoid making them feel like they are being singled out due to their age.

For example, instead of saying something like, "You're so much older than the rest of us and might not be up for the bachelorette party, but I need your help with other things," it would be more considerate to frame it as a request for their presence and support on your special day. You could say something like, "I care about you so much and would love to have you involved in my big day. Would you be my honorary bridesmaid? You can choose your level of involvement, and I understand if you can't make it to everything."

Another way to be mindful of age differences is to offer age-appropriate duties or activities for the honorary bridesmaid. For instance, if they are older and may not be interested in more energetic or physical activities, you could ask for their help with wedding planning, emotional support, or advice. They might appreciate being involved in more relaxed tasks such as setting up the wedding reception, creating DIY décor, or helping with last-minute emergencies.

Additionally, consider the person's comfort level with technology when it comes to participating in virtual events. While younger individuals might be more accustomed to virtual gatherings, older individuals may find them less appealing or challenging to navigate. In such cases, offering alternatives or providing assistance with technology can ensure they still feel included.

Remember, the key is to make the honorary bridesmaid feel valued and respected, regardless of their age. By being mindful of age differences and choosing your words carefully, you can ensure that everyone involved feels appreciated and excited to be a part of your wedding celebration.

Outline expectations and duties

Asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid is a great way to include people who you couldn't fit into your bridal party. It's a way to show that you value them and want them to be a part of your big day.

When asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid, it's important to outline your expectations and their duties. Here are some ideas and examples to help you define their role:

Honorary bridesmaids are not expected to perform the same duties as official bridesmaids. Their role is more flexible and can be tailored to their strengths and interests. Here are some ideas to outline their expectations and duties:

• Pre-wedding events: Honorary bridesmaids can be invited to all pre-wedding events, including bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and the rehearsal dinner. Their presence at these events will make them feel included and valued.
• Wedding preparation: If your honorary bridesmaid lives nearby and is willing, you can ask them to help with wedding preparation tasks such as assembling invitations, creating favours or centrepieces, or decorating the venue.
• Guest engagement: Honorary bridesmaids can be great at encouraging guests to get involved, especially at larger weddings. They can ensure your guests are having fun, dancing, and engaging with other activities like lawn games.
• Bridal preparation: Honorary bridesmaids can play a crucial role in helping the bride prepare for the wedding. They can assist the bride with dressing, ensuring her accessories are in place, and providing emotional support to calm any pre-wedding jitters.
• Special roles during the ceremony and festivities: Honorary bridesmaids can be given unique tasks during the wedding ceremony and reception. This could include reading a meaningful passage, delivering a toast, or assisting with the rehearsal dinner.
• Aisle companions: If you want your honorary bridesmaid to have a more prominent role, you can ask them to walk down the aisle with you or be seated in the front row to show their significance.
• Sentimental keepsakes: You can gift your honorary bridesmaids special items like bracelets or necklaces as tangible reminders of your friendship and appreciation.
• Wedding planning: Include your honorary bridesmaids in the wedding planning process. Their creativity and support will be valuable, and it will make them feel like an integral part of your wedding journey.

Remember, the key is to be flexible and considerate of their time and comfort level. Choose duties that align with their strengths and interests, and always express your gratitude for their contribution to your special day.

Choose a dress code

Choosing a dress code for your honorary bridesmaids can be a fun and creative process. Here are some tips and ideas to consider:

• Complementary Colours and Styles: Most often, honorary bridesmaids choose a dress that complements the bridesmaids' dresses. This can be achieved by selecting a similar colour palette with a twist or by choosing a different style of dress in the same colour. For example, if your bridesmaids are wearing blush pink beaded dresses, your honorary bridesmaids could wear a simpler style in a similar shade of pink, or the same dress in a floral pattern. This approach adds a whimsical touch to a traditional wedding.
• Designated Hue or Style: If you want to give your honorary bridesmaids more flexibility, you can ask them to choose their own outfits while providing a designated hue or style that complements the overall aesthetic or colour palette of your wedding. This option spares them from the expense of a specific gown and allows them to showcase their unique sense of style.
• Matching Dresses: For a coordinated look, you can opt for matching dresses for your honorary bridesmaids. These dresses might be similar to what the official bridesmaids are wearing, with a slight variation to keep things interesting. This approach ensures a cohesive look while still honouring the unique role of the honorary bridesmaids.
• Comfort and Personal Style: Keep in mind the comfort and personal style of your honorary bridesmaids. Since their role is slightly different from traditional bridesmaids, you may want to give them more leeway in choosing their outfits. Consider their preferences, body types, and budgets when deciding on the dress code.
• Age and Life Stage: Take into account the age and life stage of your honorary bridesmaids. If they are much older or younger than your bridesmaids, you may want to choose a dress code that suits their unique style and comfort level. For example, older honorary bridesmaids may prefer more elegant and modest styles, while younger bridesmaids might opt for more trendy and playful outfits.
• Pre-Wedding Events: If you plan to include your honorary bridesmaids in pre-wedding events such as bridal showers or bachelorette parties, you may want to consider a dress code that can be dressed up or down for these various occasions. This will give them more versatility and value for their purchase.
• Accessories and Details: Don't forget to think about accessories and small details that can tie the entire bridal party together. This could include providing them with a flower to wear in their hair or as a corsage, or gifting them matching jewellery that complements their outfits.
• Cultural or Thematic Elements: If your wedding has a specific theme or cultural elements, you can incorporate them into the dress code for your honorary bridesmaids. For example, if you're having a rustic wedding, you could suggest flowy dresses with soft, romantic colours. Or, if you're incorporating cultural traditions, you might want to include specific fabrics or colours that hold symbolic meaning.
• Communication and Feedback: Finally, remember to communicate your ideas and get feedback from your honorary bridesmaids. They may have specific preferences or suggestions that can help refine the dress code. It's important to make them feel valued and involved in the decision-making process.

Remember, the dress code for your honorary bridesmaids should ultimately reflect your wedding's style and theme while honouring the unique role and significance of these special guests.

Ask in person

Asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid in person is a delicate task, as you don't want to give the impression that they are not "good enough" to be a "regular" bridesmaid. Here are some tips and suggestions for how to go about it:

Be Mindful of Your Wording

When asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid, it is important to choose your words carefully. Emphasise the unique nature of their role and how important their presence is to you. Be honest about your reasons for choosing them and any responsibilities or commitments involved so they can make an informed decision. Let them know that their role is flexible and that they can choose their level of involvement. For example, you could say something like: "I care about you so much and would love to have you involved in my big day. You can choose your level of involvement; I know you're busy, so don't feel bad if you can't make it to everything."

Ask in a Group Setting

Honorary bridesmaids are typically selected in groups, so consider gathering the group together and asking them all at once. This way, they can share in the excitement together and understand that they are all in the same position. If you can't ask them in person, a video call can be a good alternative.

Provide an Explanation

Although you don't owe anyone an explanation for your decision, it can be thoughtful to provide one. This is especially true if you are reserving the official title of bridesmaid for family members. If you will have a mix of friends and family as both bridesmaids and honorary bridesmaids, it can be a bit more tricky. In this case, emphasise how grateful you are for their presence in your life, especially if they are more recent friends. Let them know that you couldn't imagine your special day without them because of how important they are to you.

Be Sensitive to Their Response

Remember to respect their decision if they accept or decline your offer. Understand that your wedding celebrates love and happiness, and positive relationships should be maintained throughout the planning process and beyond. If they hesitate or have valid reasons for declining, offer alternatives such as doing a reading during the ceremony or simply attending as a guest.

Avoid Creating a "Best" and "Second Best" Dynamic

It is generally advised to only have honorary bridesmaids if you have no official bridesmaids or only a maid of honour. Otherwise, creating a second designation can make your honorary bridesmaids feel like they are in a "second-best" position. If you do have a mix of official and honorary bridesmaids, ensure that the responsibilities and costs for your honorary bridesmaids are significantly less than those of the official bridesmaids.

Examples of When to Choose Honorary Bridesmaids

• You have older relatives such as cousins or aunts who you want to have a special role, but not a full bridesmaid role.
• Your maid of honour and bridesmaids are limited to siblings, but you want to include a close group of friends as well.
• You have multiple friend groups that you want to be part of your wedding, but can't have everyone as bridesmaids.

In conclusion, when asking someone to be an honorary bridesmaid in person, be mindful of your wording, consider asking in a group setting, provide an explanation if you can, be sensitive to their response, and avoid creating a "best" and "second best" dynamic. Good luck!

Frequently asked questions