Weddings: Military Couples' Guide To Wording Money Gift Requests

It is acceptable to ask for money as a wedding gift, and there are many ways to do so politely. However, it is generally considered a faux pas to ask for money directly on the wedding invitation. Instead, it is recommended to include a link to your wedding website on the invitation, where guests can find information about your preferences for monetary gifts or donations. This allows you to explain your plans for the money and helps guests feel more connected to your goals. Another option is to set up a cash or honeymoon registry, which serves as a clear signal that you prefer cash gifts. You can also ask your close friends and family to spread the word about your preference for monetary gifts.

Include your formal title, your vows, or both in the invitation

When it comes to military wedding invitations, the general guidelines are similar to those for civilian weddings. However, the notable difference lies in the use of titles. The bride's or groom's rank and service, as well as that of their parents, are typically included in the invitation. Here are some tips and examples to help you include your formal title, vows, or both in your military wedding invitation:

• Senior Officers: For senior officers, their titles appear before their names, followed by the branch or service on the line below. For example: "Colonel Timothy Andrew Smith, United States Air Force".
• Junior or Company-Grade Officers: In this case, the invitation format includes the individual's name, followed by their title and the branch of service on the same line. For instance: "Andrea Rebecca Barnett, Second Lieutenant, United States Air Force". It is important to note that abbreviations like "Lt." should be avoided.
• Enlisted Personnel: For enlisted military personnel, the invitation should include their full name on one line, with the branch of service underneath. For example: "Joseph Peter Jones, United States Air Force".
• Retired Officers: Retired officers, especially those with ranks such as Commander or Lieutenant Colonel, usually retain their titles. On the invitation, you can include their title, followed by "Retired". For example: "Lieutenant Colonel Richard James Dixon, United States Air Force, Retired".
• Outer and Inner Envelopes: When addressing the outer envelope, use the full names without abbreviating the titles. For instance: "Major and Mrs. Anthony Douglas Davis". On the inner envelope, abbreviations can be used: "Major and Mrs. Davis".
• Married Couples in the Military: If both spouses are in the military and share the same rank and service, you can address them as "Captains Thomas and Maria Marquette" or "The Captains Marquette". If they have different ranks and services, the invitation format changes. For instance: "Captain Thomas Marquette and Major Maria Green" or "Captain and Major Marquette".
• Vows and Gift Preferences: While including your formal titles is essential, you can also add a personal touch by incorporating your vows or a subtle mention of your gift preferences. For example, you may want to express that their presence at the wedding is a gift in itself, but if they wish to honour you with a gift, a cash contribution towards your honeymoon would be appreciated. This blends both your formal titles and a polite way of requesting monetary gifts.

Remember, these guidelines provide a framework, but you can adapt them to fit your specific circumstances and preferences. The key is to use the correct titles and formats while also ensuring that your invitation reflects your style and tone as a couple.

Use a special sword to slice the first piece of their wedding cake

While it is not recommended to ask for money directly on your wedding invitations, there are some tactful ways to ask for monetary gifts instead of physical presents. Here are some suggestions:

Using a sword to cut the first slice of the wedding cake can be a fun and unique touch to your special day. It is a tradition in military weddings, but it can also be done for fun and enjoyment if you are not in the military. You can find cake-cutting swords online, or if you have a sword as a decorative piece, it can be sharpened and used for this purpose. Just be sure to check with your venue first and practice a bit beforehand to avoid any mishaps.

• Choose a sword that holds a special meaning for you as a couple. For example, you could use a sword similar to the one used in "The Princess Bride," a movie you both enjoy.
• Involve your wedding party: Ask your maid of honor or best man to present the sword to you just before the cake-cutting ceremony.
• Practice beforehand: Cutting a cake with a sword may seem straightforward, but a little practice can ensure a smooth and elegant slice.
• Combine with other traditions: You can incorporate the sword into other wedding traditions, such as having your wedding party or family members hold the sword before presenting it to you or even including a short sword ceremony before the cake cutting.
• Explain the significance: If you choose to use a sword that holds a special meaning, consider explaining its significance to your guests, either through a short speech or by including a note in the wedding program.

Remember, the most important thing is to ensure that you are following venue rules and taking the necessary precautions to use the sword safely. With a bit of planning, using a special sword to slice your wedding cake can be a memorable and enjoyable part of your celebration.

Get married at a military ceremony location

If you're planning a military wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to the ceremony location. Firstly, military weddings can take place anywhere the couple chooses, and it is not restricted to a military base. However, if you opt for a military chapel, you may need to meet certain requirements. For example, to marry at the Naval Academy Chapel in Annapolis, Maryland, at least one member of the couple must be a graduate, staff member, or active-duty military member assigned to the geographic area. It's also a good idea to consult with the chaplain beforehand, as they may have input on flower arrangements and music selections.

Another option is to host the wedding at a military academy. The Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, and the Coast Guard Academy in Connecticut are all popular choices. If you're considering this option, keep in mind that reservations may be required well in advance, especially during peak times.

For those who want a military wedding without the strict protocols, a non-military venue can also be chosen. This gives the couple more freedom to personalise their ceremony and decorations.

Regardless of the location, one unique aspect of military weddings is the involvement of fellow servicemen and women. The guest list often includes colleagues from the military unit, adding a sense of camaraderie to the celebration. These guests may also play active roles in ceremonial aspects, such as the ceremonial sword arch.

When it comes to attire, the bride and/or groom may choose to wear their military uniforms, adorned with ribbons, medals, and insignias. This is a proud display of their service and dedication. For guests, the couple can indicate their preference for military or civilian attire on the invitation or wedding website.

So, whether you choose a military chapel, academy, or a non-military venue, the key is to plan early and consider the unique aspects that a military wedding entails. With careful attention to detail, your ceremony location will be a perfect setting for your special day.

Put on your branch's dress uniform

If you're a member of the military, wearing your branch's dress uniform on your wedding day is a great way to honour your service. It's also a fantastic way to save money, as you won't need to rent or buy a new suit. Plus, you'll be on equal footing with the bride—no more playing second fiddle!

There are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to wearing your dress uniform. Firstly, check with your base protocol officer to find out the specific requirements for your rank and branch. The type of uniform you wear will depend on the style of your wedding, the time of day, and the season. For example, during the summer months, Army and Navy men may wear white pants as part of their dress uniform. You should also be aware of any grooming expectations, such as haircut and shaving requirements.

If you want your wedding party to wear their dress uniforms as well, make sure to specify this in your invitation suite. This is especially important if you plan on including traditions such as the Arch of Sabers or Swords, which requires all participants to be in uniform. It's also a good idea to let your guests know the expected dress code, whether it's "Mess dress uniform invited" for a black- or white-tie affair, or "Class A uniform invited" or "Service dress uniform invited" for a semi-formal wedding.

Wearing your branch's dress uniform on your wedding day is a proud moment and a great way to showcase your service. Just make sure you're familiar with the requirements and expectations beforehand!

Don't ask for money on your wedding invites

While it is acceptable to ask for money instead of gifts for your wedding, it is not okay to do so on your formal wedding invitations. Traditional wedding etiquette states that you should not include any registry information on your invites. Wedding gifts are not required from guests, so putting your gift preferences directly on your wedding invites can come across as greedy.

• Word your wedding website thoughtfully: Use your wedding website to explain why you've registered for cash and how you'll use the funds. For example, you could say, "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution towards our honeymoon fund."
• Let family and friends spread the word: Inform your close circle about your preference for monetary gifts and encourage them to spread the word discreetly.
• Set up a honeymoon fund: Use a gift registry service to set up a honeymoon fund, where guests can contribute money towards your trip.
• Designate a place for cards at the reception: Not all guests will feel comfortable sending monetary gifts virtually, so set up a wedding card box at the reception to accommodate cash donations.
• Be specific about how you'll use the cash: Letting guests know where the money will go helps them feel more connected to your plans. For example, you could mention that you're saving for a down payment on a house or funding your honeymoon.

Remember, it's essential to approach this topic sensitively and gratefully. While it's okay to express your preference for monetary gifts, be mindful that guests may want to give physical presents, and it's their choice to decide what to give.

Frequently asked questions