Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding websites are a great way to share information with guests before the big day. A comprehensive FAQ page can ensure a seamless guest experience and save you time and stress. One of the most common and delicate questions to address is whether guests can bring a 'plus one'. A plus one refers to a date, romantic interest, family member, or friend. Whether you are allowing plus ones or not, it's important to be clear and consistent from the outset to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. You can explain your wishes by citing venue restrictions, budget limitations, or your desire for an intimate wedding. If you are having a destination wedding, it's thoughtful to allow plus ones so that guests have someone to travel and share accommodations with.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Purpose | Save time by reducing the number of calls and texts from guests |
| Content | Answers to common questions about RSVPs, directions, transportation, dress code, plus-ones, children, menu, dietary restrictions, gifts, and itinerary |
| Tone | Polite, gentle, and consistent |
| Wording | "By invitation only", "due to venue restrictions", "we are unable to accommodate plus ones", "we are at capacity", "we're on a tight budget and have limited space", "this will be an adults-only celebration", "we have a strict guest list", "our celebration is strictly RSVP only" |
| Additional Information | Links to gift registry, hotel recommendations, alternative accommodation options, and planned festivities |
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What You'll Learn
Explain the meaning of a 'plus-one'
A plus-one is an additional guest of the original invitee's choosing. On a wedding invitation, this is usually designated as 'and guest'. For example, the envelope might read: 'Mr. James R. Smith and guest'.
While a plus-one usually refers to a date or romantic interest, it could also be a family member escorting an older guest who may need assistance, or a close friend attending with a single person. It depends on the couple's budget, venue capacity, and the number of people they want present on their wedding day.
If you have an unlimited budget and ample space at your venue, you could offer every unattached guest a plus-one. However, this comes with the risk that half of your guest list may be filled by strangers, and you lose an element of control over who attends your wedding.
If you are unable to accommodate plus-ones, it is best to be direct but honest. Calmly explain your reasoning, and that, while you’d be honoured by their presence at your wedding, a plus-one won’t be possible. You may want to include details regarding your venue or budget restrictions to take the emotion out of it.
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Who gets a plus-one?
Deciding who gets a plus-one can be a tricky task, but it's a decision every couple goes through. It's important to have solid reasoning behind your decision, which will help you explain your choice if anyone asks and may help narrow down the guest list.
Firstly, consider your budget and the type of wedding you are having. If you have an unlimited budget and ample space at your venue, you could offer every unattached guest a plus-one. However, if you are on a tight budget or have limited space, you may not be able to accommodate all guests' plus-ones. In this case, you could consider only allowing plus-ones for guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partner, or those who won't know many people at the wedding.
If you are having a destination wedding or have guests travelling from overseas, a plus-one is a thoughtful gesture as it means they will have someone to travel and share accommodations with. Similarly, if you are having a ceremony separate from the reception, you could allow plus-ones at the reception only.
When deciding who gets a plus-one, consider how often you see or speak to the guest and their partner, and what your relationship with them is like. If you have not met their partner, or they seem to have a new partner every few months, giving them a plus-one is not a priority. However, if you are close to their partner, for example, if they are a member of your immediate family or part of the bridal party, including a plus-one is generally a good idea.
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Who doesn't get a plus-one?
When it comes to deciding who doesn't get a plus-one, there are a few factors to consider. Firstly, it's essential to understand that a plus-one typically refers to a date or romantic interest. However, it could also include a family member escorting an older guest or a close friend attending with a single person. With that in mind, here are some guidelines on who doesn't get a plus-one:
- Guests who frequently change partners: If an invited guest seems to have a new significant other every few months or hasn't been in a stable, long-term relationship, granting them a plus-one is not a priority. Instead, consider only including the name of the single guest on the invitation and decide later if they can bring a guest when sending out invitations.
- Budget and venue constraints: If you have a limited budget or venue space constraints, it may be necessary to restrict plus-ones. In this case, you can politely inform guests that due to budget or venue restrictions, you are unable to accommodate additional guests. Be consistent and clear about this from the outset to avoid any misunderstandings.
- Coworkers: Inviting coworkers can be tricky, even without the issue of plus-ones. To keep it simple, if one coworker gets a plus-one, it's advisable to offer the same to all coworkers to avoid any ill-feeling.
- Guests who know other attendees: If a guest is likely to know many other people at the wedding, they may not need a plus-one. This could apply to members of the bridal party, immediate family, or close friends of the couple.
- Destination weddings: If your wedding is in a remote location or a destination wedding, consider offering plus-ones to guests travelling from overseas or spending a lot on travel. Having a plus-one can make their trip more enjoyable and provide companionship during the journey.
Remember, the decision-making process should be based on facts and practicality rather than emotions. Each couple's situation is unique, so use your discretion and consider your budget, venue capacity, and the nature of your guest list when deciding who doesn't get a plus-one.
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How to politely decline plus-ones
Planning a wedding is a stressful task, and one of the most challenging aspects is deciding on the guest list and whether to allow plus-ones. It can be difficult to keep all your guests happy, and you may have to disappoint some friends or family members. Here are some tips on how to politely decline plus-ones for your wedding:
Be Clear and Consistent
Firstly, it is important to be clear and consistent from the outset. Make your wishes known on your wedding website, invitations, and RSVP cards. A comprehensive FAQ page on your wedding website is a great way to address this delicate issue. You could say something like: "We are not allowing additional plus-ones to our wedding, as we'd like to keep the guest list limited to those who know us well. The name of every guest invited is listed on the invitation, and unfortunately, we cannot accommodate any additional guests."
Give a Reason
Explain your reasoning, if you feel comfortable doing so. Be honest and let your guests know that you are on a tight budget or have limited space. You could say: "Unfortunately, we're on a tight budget and have limited space, so we can't afford for all our guests to bring a plus-one. We appreciate your understanding." By explaining your situation, your guests are more likely to understand and not take offence.
Be Empathetic and Flexible
Consider the types of guests you are inviting and be empathetic to their needs. Wedding etiquette suggests that certain guests should be offered a plus-one, such as those in the bridal party, members of the immediate family, guests who won't know many people, and those who are married, engaged, or living together. If you are having a destination wedding or guests are travelling from overseas, offering a plus-one is a thoughtful gesture, as it can be expensive and stressful to travel alone.
Stick to Your Rules
While it's good to be empathetic, try to stick to your rules as much as possible. If you've decided on a blanket "no plus-ones" rule, explain this to any guests who ask for an exception. You don't want to create an uneven playing field and cause resentment among your guests.
Offer an Alternative
When turning down a plus-one request, try to be as polite as possible. Offer to get together with the guest and their partner after the wedding to celebrate. This way, you can still include them in the festivities without increasing your guest list.
Remember, it's your special day, and you can decide what is best for you and your partner. Be tactful, honest, and empathetic when declining plus-ones, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.
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Plus-one etiquette for destination weddings
Planning a destination wedding? Here's how to navigate the tricky territory of plus-ones.
First, it's important to remember that your guests are essentially organising a mini-holiday, so there will be some extra planning required on their part. You can make this easier for them by including FAQs on your wedding website. For example, you could reserve a block of hotel rooms for your guests and provide the relevant booking information, or, if that's not possible, you could provide a list of nearby accommodation options.
Now, onto the plus-ones. If you have an unlimited budget and your venue has ample space, you could offer every guest a plus-one. However, for most couples, budget and space are limited, so giving every guest a plus-one isn't feasible. In this case, you could offer plus-ones to those who might get lonely, as well as grouping friends together to minimise costs and drama. If you're inviting a lot of single people who don't know each other, you might want to consider facilitating room shares among them.
If you're not offering plus-ones, it's important to communicate this clearly and consistently from the outset to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. You could say something like: "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus-one, but due to limitations, we were only able to allow wedding party members to bring a guest." Or, if your venue truly doesn't have the capacity, you could say: "Unfortunately, due to venue restrictions, we are unable to accommodate plus-ones. We appreciate your understanding."
Remember, it's your day, so you make the rules. But, as one planner puts it, "You are asking your closest family and friends to spend thousands of dollars to attend your event... Just because they are single, doesn't mean they should be penalised and not have a plus-one." So, if your budget allows, it might be worth giving your guests who are single a plus-one too.
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