Addressing Wedding Invites: Etiquette Tips From Emily Post

Wedding invitations are a guest's first glimpse of the wedding and care should be taken to ensure that the tone and style of the wedding are reflected in the invitation. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice offers guidance on how to address wedding invitations, from the traditional to the modern. The key is to match the invitation to the type of event being hosted, whether it's a formal, black-tie affair or a laid-back beach wedding. The formality of the invitation will be reflected in the addressing style, with traditional invitations using titles and formal language, while modern invitations might use a more informal approach.

Traditional vs. non-traditional

When it comes to wedding invitations, the envelope is the first thing guests will see, so it's important to consider whether you want to stick to traditional formalities or go for a more non-traditional approach.

Traditional

Traditionally, wedding invitations were sent out in two envelopes: an outer envelope for mailing, and an inner envelope to keep the invitation and its enclosures together and clean. This practice is now seen as quite formal and is usually only necessary for very formal weddings. The outer envelope is addressed more formally, while the inner envelope typically includes first names or familiar names, such as "Aunt Becky & Uncle Raul".

When addressing individuals, a man is usually addressed as "Mr." regardless of his marital status. An unmarried woman is typically addressed as "Ms.", while a married woman takes her husband's surname and is addressed as "Mrs.". If a woman is widowed or separated but not yet divorced, the traditional form is to use her husband's full name, e.g., "Mrs. Andrew Johnson". For divorced women, the options are "Ms." or "Mrs." followed by their ex-husband's full name or their maiden name.

For married couples, the traditional form is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First and Last Name]", with the wife's first name omitted. However, it is also acceptable for the wife to use her maiden name or the title "Ms." if she prefers. Same-sex couples who are unmarried are addressed in the same way as unmarried opposite-sex couples, with their full names and titles. Married same-sex couples are addressed with their married titles and full names, e.g., "Mrs. Becca James and Mrs. Amanda Wright".

When listing families, the couple's names are followed by the first names of their children, e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. Henry Kelly, Christina, Billy, and Philip". Children over 18 should receive their own invitation.

Non-Traditional

If you're having a more laid-back wedding, you might want to make your envelopes less formal. Here are some ways to do this:

• Drop the titles: Omit "Mr." and "Mrs." to indicate a more casual tone.
• Calligraphy style: Choose a whimsical calligraphy style instead of a traditional one to create an informal tone.
• Colour: Opt for fun ink colours instead of the traditional black-on-white or white envelope.

No matter which style you choose, it's important to remember that the invitation should match the formality of the event. Formal invitations set the stage for formal weddings, while big, showy weddings demand bold, showy invitations. The invitation also helps guests understand the dress code and what to expect from the event.

Inner and outer envelopes

The use of inner and outer envelopes is a formal option and a traditionally expected part of a wedding invitation. The outer envelope is used for mailing and the inner envelope is used to keep the invitation clean and all elements together. The outer envelope is addressed more formally, using titles, first, middle, and last names. The inner envelope, on the other hand, usually only has first names or familiar names (e.g. "Aunt Becky & Uncle Raul").

The inner envelope is used to specify exactly who is invited to the wedding, and by omission, who is not. For example, the outer envelope may be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. David Wilson / The Wilson Family", while the inner envelope would be more specific, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Wilson / David and Sarah". If children are invited, their names would be included on the second line of the inner envelope.

The use of inner and outer envelopes is a good way to avoid any awkward questions regarding your guest list. It also helps to set the tone for a formal event. However, it is not a requirement and may not be necessary for a more laid-back wedding.

Titles and names

When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to consider the formality of your wedding. Formal addressing can feel out of place if your wedding day will be more laid-back.

Traditional Envelope Addressing

For individuals, a man is addressed as "Mr." whether he is divorced, widowed, or unmarried:

> Mr. Andrew Johnson

An unmarried woman usually gets the prefix "Ms.":

> Ms. Jane Potter

A married couple is addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. [husband's first and last name]":

> Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Johnson

If the wife prefers to use her maiden name or the title "Ms." in social situations, this is also acceptable:

> Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. Andrew Johnson

If one of the invitees has a professional title, such as "doctor" or "professor", this should be included in the address. The person with the title will be mentioned in full, whether they are male or female. If the wife outranks the husband, her name comes first:

> Dr. Allison Kelly and Mr. Henry Kelly

Plus-ones

Spouses of invitees should always be invited, and as a general rule, so should fiancées/fiancés. If your invitee is dating, it's up to your discretion whether to invite their partner, but as a rule of thumb, you should invite their boyfriend/girlfriend if they have been dating for more than 6 months. If you are using inner and outer envelopes, the outer envelope is addressed only to the invitee, and the plus-one is mentioned on the inner envelope:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Wendall Graves"

> Inner Envelope: "Wendall and Guest"

If you are only using an outer envelope, the plus-one is mentioned on the envelope:

> "Mr. Wendall Graves and Guest"

Children

Children over 18 should receive their own invitation. If you are using inner and outer envelopes, only the parents are mentioned on the outer envelope, and the children's names are written on the inner envelope. Children are listed underneath their parents' names and are listed in order of age, starting with the oldest. They can be addressed on their own line or together on one line:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Henry Kelly"

> Inner envelope: "Mr. Henry Kelly and Mrs. Allison Kelly, Master Philip"

Same-sex couples

Same-sex couples who are unmarried are addressed in the same way as unmarried heterosexual couples, with their names connected by "and". You can address them alphabetically to avoid showing a preference for one over the other:

> Ms. Becca James and Ms. Amanda Wright

Married same-sex couples get their married titles, but their names are still mentioned separately, with full names:

> Mrs. Becca James and Mrs. Amanda James

Formality and tone

The invitation is the first glimpse guests will have of your wedding vision, and it helps set the tone and formality of the event. The invitation's aesthetic, from typeface to colour, weight, and even texture of the paper, all subtly shape how your wedding will be perceived.

If you are planning a casual beach wedding, for example, then the invitation should reflect this from the start. On the other hand, if you picture your wedding guests in tuxedos and floor-length gowns, then the invitation should be equally formal in tone and style.

The level of formality of the invitation will also help guests decide what to wear. A highly formal invitation will indicate a formal wedding, whereas a more laid-back, informal invitation will suggest a relaxed event.

The wording of the invitation is also important. Formal wedding invitations follow long-standing traditions and specific etiquette guidelines. The hosts' names are spelled out, including middle names and titles. The phrase "the honour of your presence" is used when the ceremony will take place in a house of worship, whereas "the pleasure of your company is requested" is used for other venues. The date and year are also spelled out in full, with no "and" (e.g. "two thousand twenty-three").

For a less formal wedding, the invitation wording can be more casual. Dates can be more casually worded, titles omitted, and reception invitations may be issued more simply. However, the basic information common to all invitations still applies: who is hosting, the nature of the event, where and when it will take place, and how the guest should respond.

The choice of envelope can also indicate formality. It used to be customary to have two envelopes: an outer envelope for mailing, and an inner envelope to keep all the elements together. This tradition feels very formal nowadays and is unnecessary unless you are having a very formal wedding.

Address format

The address format for wedding invitations depends on whether you are using a traditional or non-traditional style, and whether you are using inner and outer envelopes.

Traditional Addressing

According to Emily Post, the traditional way to address an unmarried man is:

> "Mr. Andrew Johnson"

An unmarried woman is usually addressed as "Ms.":

> "Ms. Jane Potter"

A married couple is addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. [husband's first and last name]", omitting the wife's first name. If the wife prefers to use her maiden name or the title "Ms.", this is also acceptable:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Johnson"

> "Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. Andrew Johnson"

> "Ms. Jane Potter and Mr. Andrew Johnson"

Non-Traditional Addressing

If you are having a laid-back wedding, you can make the invitation more informal by dropping titles such as "Mr." or "Mrs.". You can also choose a whimsical calligraphy style and use fun ink colours.

Inner and Outer Envelopes

The use of inner and outer envelopes is a very formal tradition. The outer envelope is addressed more formally, while the inner envelope usually includes first names or familiar names such as "Aunt Becky & Uncle Raul".

Married Couples

For married couples with the same last name, the traditional format is:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Arendt"

For a less traditional approach, you can remove titles and include both first names and the joint last name:

> "Kenneth and Anne Arendt"

Married Couples with Different Last Names

If the married couple has different last names, list each full name with an "and" between them to indicate marriage:

> "Mr. Kenneth Arendt and Mrs. Anne Taylor"

Same-Sex Married Couples

For same-sex married couples with different last names, include both first and last names combined with an "and". You can add prefixes such as "Mr." or "Ms." for more formality:

> "Ms. Becca James and Mrs. Amanda Wright"

If the same-sex couple has the same last name, include both first and last names, with an "and" to show they are married. You can list the names alphabetically or based on who you know better:

> "Mrs. Becca James and Mrs. Amanda James"

Unmarried Couples Living Together

For unmarried couples living together, the woman's maiden name is usually included:

> "Ms. Jane Potter and Mr. Andrew Johnson"

Doctors

For a married male doctor, the address is:

> "Dr. James Werner and Mrs. Barbara Werner"

If the married female doctor uses her maiden name both professionally and socially, it is:

> "Dr. Barbara Hanson and Mr. James Werner"

If both spouses are doctors, the address is either:

> "The Drs. Werner"

> "Drs. Barbara and Robert Werner"

Children

Children over 18 should receive their own invitation. If using inner and outer envelopes, only the parents are mentioned on the outer envelope, and the children's names are listed on the inner envelope. Children are mentioned on separate lines underneath their parents' names and are listed in order of age, starting with the oldest.

Frequently asked questions