Franklin Dean
Wedding cards are a relatively new concept in the UK, and addressing a card to newlyweds can be a daunting task. The card should be addressed to both the bride and the groom, even if you only know one half of the couple. It is universally accepted to begin with 'Dear...' and you can be formal or informal depending on your relationship with the couple. If you are unsure, 'Best wishes' and 'Congratulations' are both acceptable.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Tone | Formal or informal, depending on the couple |
| Greeting | "Dear..." is universally accepted |
| Names | Use first names only or "Mr. and Mrs. Surname". Address the card to both the bride and the groom |
| Alternatives | "To the newlyweds", "To the Mr. and Mrs.", "To the Mr. and Mr.", "To the Mrs. and Mrs." |
| Content | Personalize the card, even if it includes a pre-written message |
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What You'll Learn
Addressing the card to both newlyweds
When addressing a wedding card to both newlyweds, it's important to remember that the content of the card should be relevant to both individuals. Even if you only know one half of the couple, avoid addressing the card to just that person. This is a special moment for both of them, and the card should reflect that.
There are a few different ways to address the card. One option is to use first names only, for example, "Dear [Bride Name] and [Groom Name]." This approach is casual and friendly, and it recognises each person as an individual. Another option is to use titles and surnames, such as "Mr. [Groom Surname] and Dr. [Bride Surname]" if the bride is keeping her surname, or "Mr. and Mrs. [Shared Surname]." This option is more formal and traditional. If the couple is of the same gender, you can address them as "Mr. and Mr." or "Mrs. and Mrs."
If you're unsure about the couple's surname situation, you can simply address the card to "The Newlyweds." This option is flexible and works regardless of whether the couple has the same surname or not. It also conveys a warm and cheerful tone.
When addressing the card, it's also worth considering the tone of your greeting. Depending on your relationship with the couple, you can choose to be either formal or informal. "Best wishes" and "congratulations" are both acceptable greetings. However, it's worth noting that some people may interpret "congratulations" in a negative light, implying that they are surprised by the marriage or that one person is "punching above their weight." If you know the couple well, feel free to write whatever you think is most suitable for them.
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Using titles and surnames
When addressing a wedding card to the newlyweds, it is important to consider titles and surnames. The traditional approach to addressing a married couple is to refer to them as "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name or surname. However, this custom can be considered antiquated and sexist, as it erases the wife's identity by excluding her name.
A more modern and inclusive approach is to use both partners' full names or simply "Mr. and Mrs." if they share a surname. This format is flexible and suitable for couples of all genders, regardless of whether they share a surname. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" or "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Emily Smith".
When addressing a couple with different last names, you can use both their full names, such as "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Emily Johnson". If one partner has a distinguished title, such as a professional or military title, it is proper etiquette to include this in the address. For instance, "Dr. Emily Johnson and Mr. John Smith" or "Captain John Smith and Mrs. Emily Johnson".
In the case where both partners have equal distinguished titles, you can list their names alphabetically or use both their titles, such as "Dr. John Smith and Dr. Emily Johnson" or "Captains John and Emily Smith". If one partner is a doctor and chooses to use their partner's surname socially, the address could be "Dr. Emily and Mr. John Smith".
It is worth noting that the use of personal titles may feel restrictive or exclusive to some individuals, so it is acceptable to forgo them if preferred. In less formal settings, such as a backyard barbecue or picnic, using first names or first and last names without titles can be appropriate. However, it is still essential to address the card to both members of the couple, ensuring that your message is relevant to the newlyweds as a pair.
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Using first names
When addressing a wedding card to the newlyweds, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to note that the level of formality of the wedding may dictate the tone and style of the address. For a very formal wedding, it is generally considered more appropriate to use titles such as "Mr." and "Mrs." or other relevant professional titles, such as "Dr." However, this can become complicated, especially if the couple has different surnames or if one partner has a strong aversion to having their identity subsumed by their spouse's.
If you wish to avoid these complexities and maintain a more casual tone, using the first names of the couple is a suitable option. This approach can be particularly effective if you are close with the couple and want to convey a sense of familiarity and warmth. For example, you could address the card to "John and Jane" or "Jane and John," depending on whom you know better or wish to place emphasis on. This format is also applicable if one or both individuals have hyphenated last names, as it avoids the need to navigate the intricacies of surname combinations.
It is worth noting that there are differing opinions on the order in which to write the first names. Traditionally, a woman's name would precede a man's, but this convention has been challenged in modern times to avoid the implication that a woman's identity is defined by her marital status. Ultimately, a safe approach is to prioritise the person you have a closer relationship with or honour the couple's preference if you are aware of it.
When addressing the card, you can also include a personal touch by alluding to a cherished memory or expressing your excitement for their future together. This adds a layer of sentiment that celebrates their union and new chapter as newlyweds.
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Avoiding addressing only one person
When addressing a wedding card to a couple, it is important to consider their marital status, titles, and surnames. Here are some tips to avoid addressing only one person:
- For unmarried couples living at the same address, write both people's names on the same line. List the person you are closest to first, followed by their respective titles and surnames. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".
- For married heterosexual couples, the traditional format is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. However, modern women may prefer to have their names included instead of being lumped in with their husbands. In this case, you can address the card to "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren" or use their first names, such as "Thomas and Michelle".
- If one person has a title, such as "Doctor", and the other does not, you can address the card to "Mr. Smith and Dr. Jones". Alternatively, you can use their first names to make it more romantic, such as "Matthew and Angela".
- When addressing a couple with different last names, list the person you are closest to first. If you are equally close to both, go in alphabetical order. For example, "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez" or "Maria and David".
- If you are unsure about the couple's marital status or name preferences, it is best to use their full names separately. You can also use "future" or "soon-to-be" if they are getting married soon. For example, "The Future Mr. John Smith and Ms. Emily Johnson".
Remember, the key is to be respectful and inclusive, ensuring that both individuals are addressed appropriately and equally.
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Greeting styles
The greeting style you choose for your wedding card will depend on a few factors, such as your relationship with the couple, their personal preferences, and how traditional or modern you want to be. Here are some options to consider:
Formal vs. Informal: You can choose to be either formal or informal in your greeting, depending on your relationship with the couple and their preferences. A formal greeting, such as “Dear” followed by their names or “To the Newlyweds,” is universally accepted and suitable for a more traditional or elegant wedding. An informal greeting, such as "Hi" or "Hello" followed by their names, can be used if you have a close relationship with the couple and they prefer a more casual tone.
First Names vs. Mr./Mrs.: When addressing the couple, you can use their first names only or use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by their surname. Using "Mr." and "Mrs." is more formal and traditional, while using first names is more modern and friendly. If the couple has different surname preferences (e.g., one retains their original surname), you can address them as "Mr. [Groom's Surname] and Dr./Ms. [Bride's Surname]."
Gender-Neutral Greetings: If the couple is of the same gender, you can adjust the greeting accordingly. For example, you can address them as "To the Mr. and Mr." or "To the Mrs. and Mrs." This shows respect for their identities while still maintaining a polite and celebratory tone.
Personalised Greetings: While formal and traditional greetings are safe choices, you can also add a personal touch by using a unique greeting that reflects your relationship with the couple. If you know them well, you can use a fun or playful tone in your greeting, such as "To the adventure-seeking newlyweds" or "To my favourite couple." This adds a layer of warmth and individuality to your message.
Remember, regardless of the style you choose, always address the card to both members of the couple. Wedding cards are meant to congratulate and send good wishes to both the bride and the groom, even if you only know one of them well.
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Frequently asked questions
You can address the card as "To the Mr. and Mr." or "To the Mrs. and Mrs.".
You can address the card to the couple using their first names only or "Mr. and Dr./Mrs.".
No, the card should be addressed to both the bride and the groom.
"Dear...", "Best wishes", and "Congratulations" are all acceptable greetings.
Place the card on the gift table or in a card box. If you don't see one, ask the wedding planner or venue manager, or give it to one of the fathers of the couple or the best man.
