Rhiannon Hendricks
Addressing wedding invitations can be a challenge, but it's important to get it right to ensure your guests feel welcomed and respected. The way you address your invitations will depend on your guests' relationship status, titles, and whether they're getting a plus-one, among other things. For example, if you're inviting a married couple, the traditional way is to include the male's full name, followed by the female's name, such as Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Arendt. However, this is changing, and it's now common to see the woman's name first, or for both names to be included with a joint last name. If you're inviting a couple with different last names, you should list their names on separate lines. If you're inviting someone with a plus-one, it's best to mention both people by name if you have that information. If not, and Guest on the inner envelope will suffice.
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What You'll Learn
Use titles for formal elements like outer envelopes and keep inner envelopes casual
When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to consider the formality of the event and the guests' preferences. While outer envelopes are typically more formal, inner envelopes can be more casual. Here are some tips to help you navigate this:
Outer Envelopes: Formality and Titles
The outer envelope is the first impression your invitation makes, so it's essential to get it right. Use formal titles and full names on the outer envelope. For example, "Ms. Ali Johnson" or "Mr. James Montgomery". If your guest has a distinguished title, such as “Doctor”, "Judge", or "Captain", ensure you use it correctly. Spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate it as "Dr." on the inner envelope. For married doctors with the same last name, address them as "The Doctors [Last Name]".
Inner Envelopes: Casual and Personal
The inner envelope is where you can be more casual and personal. If your guest is bringing a plus-one, this is where you would use "and Guest" or simply the guest's name if you know it. For example, "Ms. Chen and Guest" or "Stephanie and Alan". You can also use just the first name or first and last name without a title on the inner envelope if it suits your celebration. This is especially appropriate for a casual event like a backyard barbecue.
Flexibility and Inclusivity
Be mindful of your guests' preferences and comfort. For non-binary guests, use gender-neutral titles like "Mx." or ask for their preferred pronouns. If your guests have multiple honorifics or are sensitive to certain titles due to life changes, simply ask them which they prefer. You can also give children over 18 their own invitation or include them on the inner envelope.
Practical Considerations
Remember, the aim is to be a gracious host and ensure your guests feel welcomed and respected. Give yourself enough time to collect mailing information and double-check the addresses and names. The return address typically goes on the back flap of the outer envelope.
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Addressing a same-sex couple
When addressing a same-sex couple on a wedding envelope, there are a few options you can consider. Firstly, it is important to prioritise the couple's preferences, so if you are aware of their preferred titles and naming order, you should follow their wishes. If you are unsure, it is perfectly acceptable to ask them.
For a married same-sex couple with the same last name, you can address the envelope in the following ways:
- "Mr. and Mr." followed by their shared last name. For example, "Mr. and Mr. Smith". This format can also be used for couples with different last names.
- "Messrs." (the plural version of "Mr.") followed by their shared last name. For example, "Messrs. Smith".
- "Mr." followed by each individual's first name and shared last name. For example, "Mr. John and Mr. Joseph Smith".
If the couple has chosen to keep their individual last names, ensure that both last names are included in the address. For example, "Mr. Robert Stewson and Mr. Greg Johnson".
When addressing an unmarried same-sex couple, traditional etiquette suggests addressing each person individually, regardless of gender. Each name should be written on a separate line, similar to how you would address an unmarried opposite-sex couple. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".
In terms of naming order, there are a few options to consider:
- Alphabetical order: If you don't have a preference or are unsure, placing names in alphabetical order is a safe option. For example, "Mr. Adam Irvine and Mr. Bob Irvine".
- Level of closeness: You can list the person you are closest to or know better first. For example, "Mr. Roger Gonzalez and Mr. Alex Gonzalez".
- Professional titles: If one or both individuals hold professional titles, such as "Dr." or "Esq.", you can use these instead of "Mr." or "Mrs.". For example, "Dr. Rob Jones and Mr. Ryan Jones".
Remember, there are no rigid rules when addressing same-sex couples, and it's essential to respect their preferences and avoid assumptions. You can choose to embrace a more modern and flexible approach or follow traditional guidelines, whichever suits your style and the couple's wishes.
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Addressing an unmarried couple
When addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, the person with the highest rank or whom you are closest to should be listed first, regardless of gender. For same-sex couples, the names may be listed alphabetically.
If the unmarried couple lives together, their names should be written independently on two separate lines without using the word "and". This is the secret cue that they are not married. For example:
Ms. Jane Jones
Mr. Bob Brown
If you are opting for a more casual approach, the names can be written on the same line without including last names. For example:
Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown
If the unmarried couple does not live together, it is customary to send the invitation to the person you are closest to or know the best. For example, if you know the woman better, the envelope can be addressed as follows:
Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown
Sent to Ms. Jones' address)
If you are inviting a couple's children along to the wedding, it is important to note their names on the envelope as well. Children aged 18 and over should receive their own invitation unless they live with their parents.
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Addressing a non-binary guest
When addressing a wedding invitation to a non-binary guest, it is important to be mindful of their preferred pronouns and any honorifics they may use. The goal is to make your guests feel welcomed and respected, so it is perfectly acceptable to contact the guest directly or ask a family member to verify their preferences.
If your non-binary guest uses "they/theirs" as their pronouns, the correct honorific to use is "Mx." followed by their surname. For example, "Mx. Jordan Frank". This is a gender-neutral title that can be used for individuals who are gender non-binary, gender fluid, and/or trans. It is always a good idea to double-check with your guest beforehand to ensure you are using their preferred title.
If you are unsure of your guest's pronouns or preferred honorific, it is best to forgo a title altogether. In this case, you can simply address them by their full name on both the outer and inner envelopes. The outer envelope should include the guest's full mailing address, centred on the front side, while the inner envelope (which is optional) is usually only addressed with the guest's name.
If your non-binary guest is bringing a plus-one, it is best to mention both people by name if you have that information. For example, "Mx. Sam Li and Guest". If you are unsure of the plus-one's name, you may include "and Guest" after the guest's full name.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to addressing wedding invitations. The most important thing is to be a gracious host and ensure your guests feel welcomed and included.
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Addressing a family
When addressing a family on a wedding invitation envelope, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to understand the difference between the inner and outer envelopes and their respective etiquette rules. The outer envelope should be formal, typically including the recipient's full name(s) and their courtesy title(s). This format works for families with different surnames and can feel more traditional. However, if using titles feels restrictive or exclusive, you can forgo them and use first and last names only.
For married couples with the same last name, the traditional format is to include the male's full name followed by "and" and then the female's name, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson". A less traditional option is to remove the titles and use both their first names with the joint last name, for example, "Alan and Emily Thompson". If you want to be specific about which family members are invited, list the children's names separately in order of birth after addressing the parents in the opening line. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson" could be followed by "Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Mx. Lily".
If you are inviting the entire family, including children, you can address the outer envelope to "The Thompson Family". This implies that all family members are invited to both the ceremony and reception. When using an inner envelope, you can specify the names of those invited. Formal etiquette suggests using "Miss" for girls and "Master" for boys under the age of thirteen, but you can omit titles for a less formal approach.
For a more casual wedding, you may choose to use first names only or first and last names without titles. However, it is still important to use more formal wording for older or more conservative guests to avoid being perceived as too informal. Additionally, if you are unsure about someone's preferences, it is perfectly acceptable to ask directly or inquire with another family member.
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Frequently asked questions
If you know the name of your friend or family member's guest, include it. This is one of the ways you can make your guests feel comfortable and included. If you don't know the name, "and Guest" or "& Guest" on the inner envelope will suffice.
Knowing their preferred pronouns is crucial. Use traditional titles like Mr. or Ms. for 'he' or 'she,', and Mx. for a gender-neutral title if they use 'they' as a pronoun. If you don't know someone's pronouns, Mx. is also an appropriate title to use.
If your guest is a doctor, use "Doctor" followed by their name. For married doctors with the same last name, address the envelope to "The Doctors [Last Name]." If one has chosen to hyphenate their last name, indent the second line. For military personnel, judges, and reverends, the same rules apply.
