Best Man Options: How Many Should You Have?

There are no rules when it comes to how many best men you can have at a wedding. While traditionally, there is only one best man, it's becoming more common to have more than one. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide, and having multiple best men can be a great way to honour multiple important people in the groom's life.

The benefits of having two best men

There are several advantages to having two best men at your wedding. Firstly, you avoid the difficult decision of choosing between two important people in your life, such as a brother and a close friend, or two brothers. This option also ensures that you don't hurt anyone's feelings and allows you to honour multiple people who are special to you.

Secondly, having two best men means that the typical best man duties can be shared and split between the two individuals. This reduces the pressure and responsibility on a single person and ensures that all tasks are completed efficiently. The duties can be divided according to each person's strengths and preferences, such as one organising the bachelor party and the other delivering the speech.

Additionally, having two best men can add a unique and memorable element to your wedding. It provides a mix of personalities and can enhance the overall aesthetic of the wedding party, especially in the wedding photos. For instance, if you have two best men with distinct styles and personalities, you can give them each a unique look that reflects their individuality.

Lastly, having two best men can be beneficial for the maid of honour or chief bridesmaid. She will feel extra special being escorted by two best men, one on each arm, during the wedding ceremony. This dynamic also ensures that she won't feel overwhelmed by having two groomsmen by her side.

How to split best man duties

Having more than one best man at a wedding is becoming more common, and it can be a great way to honour multiple important people in your life. If you're having two best men, here are some tips on how to split their duties:

Pre-Wedding Duties

• Lead the groomsmen – Introduce the groomsmen to each other if they don't already know each other, and facilitate communication between them.
• Shop for formalwear – Assist the groom in choosing the wedding attire and ensure that each groomsman orders their outfit in time.
• Coordinate travel and accommodations – Ensure that all the groomsmen book their travel and hotel stays in a timely manner.
• Plan the bachelor party – Organise the bachelor party with input from the groom and the other groomsmen.
• Attend pre-wedding events – Be present at the engagement party, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner.
• Assist with ring selection – Provide moral support and an honest opinion when the groom is choosing an engagement ring.
• Provide emotional support – Be a supportive friend to the groom throughout the wedding planning process.

Wedding-Day Duties

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule – Ensure that everyone gets to the venue on time and help wrangle the groomsmen throughout the day.
• Hold the wedding rings – Be entrusted with keeping the wedding rings safe until the ring exchange.
• Stand next to the groom – Show your love and support by standing next to the groom during the ceremony.
• Sign the marriage license – Act as a witness and sign the marriage license after the ceremony.
• Pose for pictures – Be prepared to smile for the camera during wedding party portraits.
• Dance with the maid of honour – Traditionally, the best man dances with the maid of honour during the first guest dance.
• Make sure the groom eats and drinks – Help the groom stay hydrated and well-fed during the busy wedding day.
• Give a speech – Prepare and deliver a well-crafted best man speech during the reception.
• Decorate the getaway car – Help coordinate and decorate the couple's car for their exit.

Post-Wedding Duties

• Organise and safe-keep gifts – Collect and keep the wedding gifts in a safe location until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
• Hand out vendor tips – Ensure that all wedding-related expenses are handled and vendors are tipped.
• Return rented attire – Make sure that all rented tuxes or suits are returned on time and in good condition.

Additional Tips for Multiple Best Men

• Clear communication – Maintain open and constant communication between the groom and the best men to ensure everyone understands their responsibilities.
• Divide duties based on strengths – Assign duties to each best man based on their strengths and interests. For example, one best man may be great at planning events, while the other is a confident public speaker.
• Joint speech – Consider having the best men deliver a joint speech, especially if they know the groom from different stages of his life. This can add a unique and personal touch to the reception.
• Avoid confusion – Be clear about the division of duties to prevent any confusion or overlap.
• Inclusivity – Include both best men in all wedding-related activities and decisions to ensure they feel valued and included.

By splitting the duties and maintaining good communication, you can ensure that your wedding runs smoothly and that your best men feel honoured and appreciated.

Best man duties and responsibilities

While there is no set limit to the number of best men a groom can have, it is usually best to stick to two or three. This ensures that those closest to the groom feel recognised by the title and that the role remains emotionally valuable.

Now, what are the duties and responsibilities of a best man?

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day. Here is a detailed list of the best man's duties and responsibilities:

Before the Wedding

• Lead the groomsmen: Introduce the groomsmen to each other and facilitate communication and bonding.
• Shop for formalwear: Assist the groom in picking out everyone's formal wear and ensure that the groomsmen order their attire in a timely and organised fashion.
• Serve as a counsellor and confidant: Provide emotional support to the groom and help with decision-making and problem-solving.
• Coordinate travel and accommodations: Ensure that the groomsmen book flights and hotels on time and help pair them up to share rooms or rental cars to save money.
• Plan the bachelor party: Organise a celebration that suits the groom's style and preferences, with the help of the other groomsmen.
• Attend pre-wedding events: Participate in planning the engagement party, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner, and attend these events, especially the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• Create an emergency kit: Prepare a kit with essential toiletries, stain remover, sewing kit, and other items for the wedding day.

During the Wedding

• Get dressed with the groom and groomsmen: Be a relaxed and upbeat presence while everyone gets ready, and help with tasks like tying ties.
• Ensure groomsmen wear boutonnieres: Make sure everyone's boutonniere is pinned on properly before the ceremony.
• Keep things on schedule: Help the groom and groomsmen stay on track with the timeline of events and manage their movements.
• Hold the wedding rings: Keep the wedding rings safe until the ring exchange during the ceremony.
• Stand next to the groom: Show your love and support by standing next to the groom during the ceremony.
• Sign the marriage license as a witness: Be present for the signing of the marriage license and provide a backup pen if needed.
• Pose for pictures: Smile for the camera during wedding party portraits!
• Stand next to the bride in the receiving line: Greet guests as they enter during the cocktail hour.
• Be announced with the maid of honour: Make a grand entrance with the maid of honour at the reception.
• Dance with the maid of honour: Traditionally, the best man dances with the maid of honour during the first guest dance.
• Make sure the groom eats and drinks: Ensure the groom stays hydrated and well-fed throughout the busy day.
• Give a speech: Prepare and deliver a well-crafted speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Decorate the getaway car: Help coordinate and decorate the couple's getaway vehicle, with their permission, of course!

After the Wedding

• Help organise and safe-keep gifts: Collect and secure wedding gifts in a designated location until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
• Hand out vendor tips: Distribute tips to vendors in labelled envelopes and ensure all payments are settled.
• Ensure groomsmen return rented attire: Text groomsmen reminders to return rented tuxedos or suits on time to avoid late fees.

Remember, the duties of the best man can be shared among multiple best men to reduce the workload and ensure everything runs smoothly!

Traditions of best men in other cultures

While the role of the best man is not universal and varies across cultures, it is generally accepted that the groom selects one or two of their closest friends or relatives to fill this role.

In Zambia, the best man leads processions at the wedding and preliminary events, including dance rehearsals. They are also expected to give an outstanding and outlandish dance performance on the wedding day.

In Uganda, the best man is expected to guide the newlyweds in the ways of marriage, so it is ideal for them to be married, preferably to one wife, and be able to give sound and tested advice.

In Bhutan, the best man acts as a ceremonial guardian to both the bride and groom and then entertains the guests, sometimes for several hours.

In Eastern Orthodox weddings in Greece, the best man is often also the koumbaros, or religious sponsor, who crowns the couple and circles the altar three times with them. Sometimes, this person also pays for most of the wedding expenses.

In Ukraine, the best man is responsible for guarding the bride during the festivities. In the past, if the bride was "kidnapped", the groom or best man had to pay a ransom to get her back.

In Germany, the best man played a role in assisting the groom in "capturing" the bride, as it was once customary for a man to forcefully take his wife or kidnap her if her family did not approve of him.

How to navigate family dynamics

When it comes to navigating family dynamics while choosing your best man, it's important to remember that there are no hard and fast rules. Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you should choose whoever will make you feel happiest and most supported. Here are some things to consider when navigating family dynamics:

Include Multiple Family Members

If you have multiple family members that you want to include as best men, such as two brothers or a brother and a father, go for it! Having more than one best man can take the pressure off any individual and provide you with additional support. It's a great way to honour multiple people who are important to you.

Consider Current and Future Relationships

When deciding between family members and friends, think about not only your current relationships but also how those people will fit into your life in the future. Consider who you see growing with you and achieving goals alongside you in the years to come. This perspective can help you make a decision that aligns with your long-term vision.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

Having two best men can provide benefits such as shared responsibilities, reduced stress, and a mix of personalities. However, it may also create some challenges. For example, some people may feel upset or slighted by sharing the position, and there could be confusion or conflict between the two best men regarding duties and responsibilities. Carefully consider the potential advantages and disadvantages to make an informed decision.

Open Communication

If you decide to have multiple best men, ensure clear and constant communication among everyone involved. Create a group chat to facilitate planning and decision-making. Draw up a list of pre-wedding and on-the-day duties, and assign tasks according to each person's strengths and preferences. This will help ensure everyone knows their responsibilities and reduce the risk of misunderstandings.

Divide Responsibilities Strategically

When dividing responsibilities among multiple best men, consider their unique strengths and interests. For example, one best man may be a fantastic organiser but quite shy. They could take charge of arranging the bachelor party, while the other best man handles the speech. This approach ensures that each person's talents are utilised effectively and that everyone's comfort levels are considered.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to choosing your best man or navigating family dynamics. The most important thing is to make decisions that feel right for you and your wedding. By considering the dynamics, relationships, and responsibilities involved, you can create a wedding party that reflects your closest relationships and provides the support you need for your special day.

Frequently asked questions