Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are promises made between two people on their wedding day. They are often made in front of family and friends, and sometimes before God. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual. The format has been modified and changed over time, and some couples choose to write their own wedding vows instead of using their culture's traditional set.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Date | The first edition of the Book of Common Prayer was published in 1549. |
| Author | Thomas Cranmer |
| Original Purpose | To legally bind a couple and give religious meaning to the event |
| Common Phrase | "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." |
| Common Phrase Variations | "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my troth." |
| Common Phrase Original Version | "I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance." |
| Common Across Cultures and Religions | To declare lifelong commitment to your spouse, witnessed by friends, family, and God |
| Civil Ceremonies | Prescribed vows are simple but meaningful and allow couples greater freedom in choosing their wedding venue |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vows in religious ceremonies
Wedding vows have been a part of marriage rituals since marriage was deemed an official sacrament of the Catholic Church. The oldest standard wedding vows can be traced back to the medieval Catholic customs of the Sarum Rite, which were translated from Latin to English and published in the Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer in 1549. The final revision was made by James I in 1662, and this version is still used by the Church of England today. The Book of Common Prayer includes the famous lines, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Today, wedding vows are declarations of lifelong commitment to each other in the presence of loved ones. While some couples choose to write their own vows, many traditional vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony. For example, traditional Episcopal wedding vows include the lines, "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/till death do us part." Similarly, traditional Presbyterian wedding vows include the lines, "I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."
In a Jewish ceremony, vows are typically only recited during the exchange of rings, with the groom saying, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel." If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words with changes for gender. In a Cherokee wedding ceremony, the couple may choose to honour forces of nature, such as fire, wind, and water, in their vows. For instance, they may say, "We honour fire and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts."
Hindu weddings traditionally have extremely lengthy and elaborate ceremonies, with couples reciting their vows while taking seven steps around a fire. Each step includes a specific recitation by the bride or groom, and they are legally married once they finish their seventh and final step. In a Korean wedding, the vows are sealed with a bow and a sip of wine.
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Wedding vows in civil ceremonies
Wedding vows have been around for centuries, evolving from legal terms agreed upon by families into the intimate and memorable events we know today. While they are not a legal necessity for marriage and are not used in all cultures, many couples include them in their ceremonies for religious or sentimental reasons.
Civil wedding ceremonies are non-religious and are officiated by a government official rather than a member of the clergy. They are often shorter and more casual than religious ceremonies and can be held in a variety of venues, from a register office to an approved outdoor location. While civil ceremonies must not include religious references, couples can incorporate religious elements into their vows if desired.
The format of wedding vows in civil ceremonies is flexible, and couples can choose to use traditional vows, write their own, or add a personal touch to existing vows. Some basic civil marriage vows include:
Officiant: " [Groom's name], do you take [Bride's name] to be your legal wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward?"
Groom: "I do."
Officiant: " [Bride's name], do you take [Groom's name] to be your legal wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward?"
Bride: "I do."
Both: " [Partner's name], I take you to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband]. Before these witnesses, I vow to love and care for you for as long as we both shall live."
Couples can also add their own thoughts and sentiments to their vows, whether they are heartfelt, humorous, or a mix of both. For example:
"I promise to be your honest, loving, and faithful husband/wife for the rest of my days."
"You make me laugh, you make me think, and above all, you make me happy."
Ultimately, the choice of wedding vows in a civil ceremony is up to the couple, and they can work with their officiant to create vows that reflect their unique relationship and values.
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The history of the phrase to have and to hold
The history of wedding vows can be traced back to the time when marriage was deemed an official sacrament of the Catholic Church. The well-known vows became an integral part of the marriage ritual, with couples reciting components of the famous vows first penned by Thomas Cranmer in 'The Book of Common Prayer'. The first edition of this book was written in 1549, with a final revision made in 1662 by King James I. This version is still used by the Church of England today.
The "to have and to hold" phrase in wedding vows is believed to have originated from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The Sarum rite was a medieval Catholic custom that Thomas Cranmer translated from Latin to English for the 'Book of Common Prayer'. The 1552 version of the book included the following vow:
> "I [Name] take thee [Name] to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my troth."
The "to have and to hold" phrase has endured in wedding vows to the present day, often followed by the sentiment "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". This phraseology is a testament to the enduring nature of marriage vows, which have evolved over time to reflect cultural and religious influences.
Today, wedding vows continue to be a significant aspect of the wedding ceremony, with couples reciting traditional vows, writing their own, or including a combination of both. The declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one, reinforcing their commitment to each other and solidifying their union in the presence of loved ones.
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Wedding vows in non-Western cultures
Wedding vows are a long-standing tradition in Western cultures, with the oldest standard wedding vows traced back to the Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer in 1549. However, the concept of wedding vows extends beyond Western cultures, and couples from various non-Western backgrounds incorporate traditional vows from their respective faiths and cultures into their wedding ceremonies.
Hindu Weddings
Hindu weddings traditionally feature lengthy and elaborate ceremonies. As part of the ritual, couples recite their vows while taking seven steps around a fire. Each step corresponds to a specific recitation by the bride or groom, and they are officially married once they complete their seventh and final step.
Korean Weddings
Korean weddings are known for their ornate traditions, with brides and grooms donning hanboks, traditional Korean dresses specifically designed for the occasion. During the ceremony, the couple seals their vows with a bow and a sip of wine.
Jewish Weddings
Jewish weddings often involve exchanging rings and reciting a saying. One popular Hebrew saying, translated from the Song of Solomon, expresses, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."
Greek Orthodox Weddings
In Greek Orthodox weddings, couples may recite traditional vows such as: "I, ___, take you, ___, as my wedded wife/husband, and I promise you love, honor, and respect; to be faithful to you, and not to forsake you until death do us part. So help me God, one in the Holy Trinity, and all the Saints."
Shinto Weddings
Shinto weddings, rooted in the ethnic religion of Japan, often include traditional marital vows. An example of standard Shinto wedding vows is: "On this fortunate day, before the Gods, we perform a wedding ceremony. We pray for our future to receive the god’s divine blessing. We will share our joys and sorrows together; we will live a peaceful life together. We vow to have a life full of prosperity and descendants. Please protect us forever. We humbly offer this vow."
Muslim Weddings
While traditional Muslim weddings, or nikkah, do not typically include vows, some contemporary Muslim couples choose to incorporate vow exchanges. In these instances, the bride may recite: "I, ___, offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him."
These examples merely scratch the surface of the diverse wedding vow traditions found in non-Western cultures. Couples today often blend elements from different cultural and religious backgrounds to create meaningful and personalized wedding vows that reflect their unique backgrounds and values.
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The importance of wedding vows
Wedding vows are an integral part of the wedding ceremony. They are a testament to the couple's commitment, love, and devotion to each other. The history of wedding vows is steeped in religious and cultural traditions, with the oldest standard wedding vows traced back to the Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. While the format has evolved, with some couples choosing to write their own vows, the essence remains—a pledge of lifelong dedication.
The traditional wedding vows, "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part," encapsulate the core tenets of a committed relationship. These words, or variations thereof, have endured for centuries and continue to resonate with couples today. They acknowledge the potential challenges that may lie ahead and affirm the couple's willingness to persevere through life's ups and downs together.
Personalized wedding vows, on the other hand, offer a unique perspective into the couple's relationship. They allow the couple to express their feelings, values, and promises in their own words. This approach adds a layer of individuality and sentimentality to the ceremony, making it even more meaningful and memorable. Writing one's own vows can be a daunting task, but it is an opportunity to truly customise the ceremony and make it reflective of the couple's journey and dynamics.
In conclusion, wedding vows, whether traditional or personalised, hold immense importance in a wedding ceremony. They are a symbolic representation of the couple's dedication to each other and their aspirations for their future together. Vows are a powerful reminder of the seriousness of the commitment being made and serve as a foundation for the married life that lies ahead.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows have been around in some form for over a thousand years. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church.
The first wedding vows were essentially the legal terms that both families agreed upon. Later on, vows were used during religious ceremonies to legally bind a couple and give religious meaning to the event.
The first Christian wedding vows were written in Thomas Cranmer's Book of Common Prayer in 1549.
The wedding vows in the Book of Common Prayer were:
> I [Name] take thee [Name] to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my troth.
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