George Boyle
A Jewish wedding is a ceremony that follows Jewish laws and traditions. While wedding ceremonies vary, common features include a ketubah (marriage contract), a chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy), a ring owned by the groom that is given to the bride under the canopy, and the breaking of a glass. The length of an unorthodox Jewish wedding can vary, but they typically last between 3 and 6 hours. The wedding is usually divided into four main parts: Kabbalas Panim, Chupa, dinner, and dancing. The duration of each part can be different, but the entire wedding can be completed in under 30 minutes if done without any frills.
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What You'll Learn
The wedding ceremony
A Jewish wedding ceremony is a tapestry of biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal customs. The rituals and traditions of the wedding ceremony are derived from both its legalistic particulars and its underlying spiritual themes. The wedding ceremony generally takes place under the open sky, though some Sephardic Jews conduct the ceremony indoors. The ceremony usually starts in mid-to-late afternoon and can last anywhere from 3 to 6 hours, or even longer.
The ceremony begins with the Kabbalat Panim, a reception where the bride and groom receive their relatives and friends separately. The bride receives the women, and the groom receives the men. The bride often sits on a throne-like chair surrounded by flowers, while the groom is surrounded by guests partaking in songs and toasts.
Following the Kabbalat Panim is the Badeken, the veiling ceremony. The groom, leading a procession, goes to the bridal reception room, where he covers the bride's face with a veil. The custom of veiling the bride originated with Rebecca, who covered her face when she met her groom, Isaac. The veil is meant to emphasize the groom's interest in the bride's inner beauty and her innate modesty.
After the Badeken, the wedding party enters the main ceremony area where all the guests are seated. They make their way toward the chuppah, a canopy held up by four poles, which represents the couple's new home. The bride and groom stand at the centre, surrounded by their wedding party, who form a protective wall of friends and family. The chuppah is usually placed outdoors, under the stars, to recall the blessing God gave to Abraham—that his children shall be "as the stars of the heavens." The bride is escorted to the chuppah by her parents, who carry candles, which represent the streaks of lightning that came down on Mount Sinai when God gave the Torah to the Jewish people.
Under the chuppah, the ketubah, or marriage contract, is read aloud, usually by the rabbi or another prominent family member. The ketubah specifies the groom's commitments to the bride and is signed by two appointed Jewish witnesses who are not blood-related to the couple. Then, the blessings of betrothal, or kiddushin, are recited by the rabbi, after which the couple drinks from a cup of wine.
Finally, the groom gives the bride a ring, a simple gold band without stones or blemishes, and recites a blessing. With the giving of the ring, the couple is officially married. The ring is placed on the bride's forefinger or index finger, symbolizing the couple's unity and marriage.
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Pre-ceremony festivities
The length of an unorthodox Jewish wedding can vary, but they typically last between 3 and 6 hours. The pre-ceremony festivities, on the other hand, follow a more predictable schedule.
The pre-ceremony festivities typically include the Kabbalat Panim (or reception) and the henna ceremony. During the Kabbalat Panim, the bride and groom receive their relatives and friends in separate rooms, with the bride receiving women and the groom receiving men. In accordance with Jewish tradition, the bride and groom are treated like royalty on their wedding day. The bride often sits on a throne-like chair surrounded by flowers, while the groom is surrounded by guests singing and giving toasts. As guests approach the couple to offer congratulations, the bride and groom bestow blessings upon them.
The henna ceremony is a symbolic gesture of good wishes and marital success. During this ceremony, henna dye is smudged into the palms of the bride and groom, and family and friends may also be given henna herbs or swabs soaked with the dye. In addition, it is customary for the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom to break a plate together, symbolising the irreversible commitment being made.
The veiling ritual, or badeken, is another important pre-ceremony custom. During this ritual, the groom covers the bride's face with a veil, recalling the biblical narratives of Isaac and Rebecca, as well as Jacob being tricked into marrying Leah. The veil is said to emphasise the groom's interest in the bride's inner beauty, which will never fade.
The signing of the ketubah (marriage contract) also typically takes place before the wedding ceremony. The ketubah outlines the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations, and has the standing of a legally binding agreement. The ketubah is signed by the groom, the couple, their officiants, and two witnesses who are not closely related to them.
The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is another important symbol in Jewish weddings. It represents the couple's new home and is usually placed outdoors under an open sky. The couple stands under the chuppah during the wedding ceremony, and it is also traditional to read the signed ketubah aloud under the chuppah.
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The veiling ritual
During the veiling ritual, the groom covers the bride's face with a veil, signifying his commitment to her inner qualities. This act holds a deeper meaning, suggesting that physical beauty is secondary to the spiritual and emotional connection between the couple. The veil adds a layer of mystique and separateness, enhancing the intimacy of the moment.
The veiling ceremony is typically performed before the chuppah (wedding canopy) ceremony. In some traditions, the bride's father may place his hands over her head and offer a blessing. The groom, accompanied by the rabbi, the fathers, and their entourage, proceeds to the bride, who is flanked by both mothers. The groom then places the veil over the bride's face and recites a blessing from Genesis 24:60, echoing the blessing given to Rebecca.
While the veiling ritual holds symbolic value, it has also faced criticism in modern times. Some interpret the groom veiling the bride as a sign of possession and a critique of the bride's modesty. However, new interpretations have emerged, allowing couples to personalise the ceremony to align with their values. For instance, in a veil-free variation, the bride and groom stand back-to-back, eyes closed, and turn to face each other, symbolically accepting each other for who they are.
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The ketubah (marriage contract)
The ketubah, or the Jewish marriage contract, is an integral part of a traditional Jewish wedding. It outlines the rights, duties, and obligations of the groom in relation to the bride, and vice versa. The ketubah is a legally binding agreement that is seldom enforced by civil courts outside of Israel.
The ketubah is usually written in Aramaic, the technical legal language of Talmudic law, and is signed by two witnesses before the wedding ceremony. These witnesses are typically not closely related to the couple but are upstanding Jewish male adults who follow the Torah. The ketubah details the groom's obligations to provide his bride with food, clothing, and marital relations, as well as a fixed sum of money in the event of his death or their divorce. This sum is usually accrued from his property and is known as the dowry.
The amount pledged in the ketubah has no agreed-upon monetary value in modern practice and often exceeds the principal amount. It is worth noting that Conservative Jews often include an additional paragraph, called the Lieberman Clause, which stipulates that divorce will be adjudicated by a modern rabbinical court to prevent the creation of a "chained wife."
During the wedding ceremony, the ketubah is traditionally read aloud under the chuppah (wedding canopy) in its original Aramaic or in translation. Non-Orthodox Jewish couples may opt for a bilingual or shortened version of the ketubah. The ketubah is then given to the bride, who is responsible for keeping it safe.
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Dancing
There are several traditional Ashkenazi dances. The Krenzl, in which the mother of the bride is crowned with a wreath of flowers as her daughters dance around her, is usually performed at the wedding of the mother's last unwed daughter. The Mizinke is a dance for the parents of the bride or groom when their last child is wed. The Horah is a circle dance where dancers link arms or hold hands and move with a grapevine step. In large groups, concentric circles may be formed. The gladdening of the bride is when guests dance around the bride, and can include the use of "shtick", such as signs, banners, costumes, confetti, and jump ropes made of table napkins. The Mitzvah tantz is when family members and honoured rabbis are invited to dance in front of the bride, or sometimes with her in the case of a father or grandfather.
In Sephardi weddings, the couple may use the groom's tallit (prayer shawl) as the chuppah. Once the ceremony concludes, the groom wraps the tallit around himself and his new wife, signifying their joining. In some Ashkenazi weddings, the groom covers the bride's face with a veil before the ceremony. The bride wears the veil until after the chuppah. The veil is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac, and symbolises the bride's modesty and inner beauty.
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Frequently asked questions
The length of an unorthodox Jewish wedding can vary depending on the community and culture. However, it typically lasts between 3 to 6 hours. The wedding is usually divided into four main parts: the Kabbalas Panim (reception), Chupa (wedding ceremony), dinner, and dancing.
During the Kabbalas Panim, the bride and groom greet their guests separately. The bride often sits on a throne-like chair, while the groom is surrounded by guests who sing and make toasts. Light refreshments are served, and blessings are exchanged.
The Chupa is the actual wedding ceremony, which takes place under the chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy). It includes various rituals, such as the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract), the exchange of rings, and the breaking of a glass.
The dinner and dancing portions of the wedding can vary in length. The dinner may last around an hour, while the dancing can continue for 2 to 4 hours or more, depending on the energy of the guests.
Yes, there are several traditions associated with the wedding ceremony. For example, the bride and groom may stand under the tallit (prayer shawl) together, or the groom may veil the bride's face. The ceremony also includes the reading of the ketubah, the seven blessings of marriage, and the drinking of wine.
