Junior Rasmussen
Bengali weddings are a vibrant, colourful affair, full of rituals and traditions. With festivities starting days before the wedding and lasting days after, it's a long and detailed celebration. The wedding itself is usually held within a specific time frame, known as the lagna, which is considered the most auspicious time for the ceremony. The rituals and customs followed can vary depending on the region, with families from West Bengal and Bangladesh having different traditions. Over time, some rituals have been simplified, shortened, or discontinued to keep up with modern times.
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What You'll Learn
Bengali wedding rituals and customs
A Bengali wedding is a long and detailed affair, full of sweetness and enthusiasm. The festivities start days before the wedding and last days after. The rituals and customs are timeless, distinctive, and dramatic, with colourful outfits, delicious food, and exuberant music.
The first ritual is the Adan Pradan, a private occasion where both families meet to finalise the wedding date. The date is decided according to the Hindu Panjika, with the help of a priest. The families may also exchange gifts to mark the beginning of their new relationship.
The Aashirbaad is akin to an engagement ceremony, signifying the acceptance of the couple by each other's families. The bride is showered with gifts and blessings when the groom, his close friends, and family members visit her home. The nuptial alliance is set on the day of Aashirbaad.
The Aiburobhaat is a cherished tradition, marking the last meal of rice consumed by the bride or groom before they enter married life. The event is a celebration of love and care, with an elaborate feast, including meticulously selected fish dishes.
The Gaye Holud is a traditional pre-wedding ritual where the groom's family, without the groom, visits the bride's house on the morning of the ceremony to perform the turmeric function. The same turmeric paste is then sent to the groom's house, along with gifts. Both families apply the turmeric paste during their respective Gaye Holud ceremonies. This tradition symbolises purification and marks the beginning of the couple's new journey together.
The Bor Jatri is the groom's joyous procession to the wedding, with his friends and family singing and dancing until they reach the entrance, where they are warmly welcomed by the bride's family.
The Saat Paake Ghora or Saat Paak is a crucial ritual, symbolizing the bond between the bride and groom. The bride is gently lifted by her brothers and taken around the groom in seven complete circles, signifying their commitment to each other.
The Mala Badal or Mala Bodol is a significant ritual where the bride and groom exchange flower garlands. This ceremony marks the first time the couple sees each other, reflecting the custom of keeping them apart until the wedding.
The Sindoor Daan is a significant ritual, marking the official union of the bride and groom. The groom applies sindoor (vermilion) to the bride's hair parting, signifying her transition into married life. He then places a new saree over her head as a gesture of acceptance and protection.
The Bhat Kapor ritual symbolizes the groom's commitment to caring for his bride. The groom presents his bride with a saree, sindur, and other essentials of a married woman, along with a plate of traditional Bengali cuisine.
The Bashor Ghor refers to the room decorated for the newlyweds. The bride's sisters ask for money from the groom's family to let him enter the room. Once an amount is agreed upon, the groom can enter, and various cultural activities take place.
The Bengali wedding concludes with the filling of the bride's forehead with red powder, considered the last pure moment for the couple as it marks the end of their marriage vows.
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Pre-wedding festivities
A Bengali wedding is a long and detailed affair, with festivities starting days before the wedding and lasting for days afterward. The pre-wedding rituals are a significant part of the celebrations.
Adan Pradan
Adan Pradan, or "give and take," is the first ritual that kicks off the entire marriage ceremony. This ritual is about obtaining consent from both families for the marriage, rather than the giving of gifts or money. In the past, both families would meet at a time and location decided by a priest, but nowadays, the date is usually fixed over the phone.
Pati
The Pati is a fancy decorative mat used to sit on during the wedding. It is also used to gather both families at the bride's home to decide on the marriage date. The groom's family then gifts the bride with auspicious items like sweets, fish, betel leaves, and nuts (Paan-supari).
Ashirbaad
The Ashirbaad, or engagement ceremony, is organized two to three days before the wedding, though the timing can vary according to the wishes of the families. The groom, along with his close friends and family, visits the bride's house with gifts and blessings. The bride is showered with gifts such as sarees, jewellery, clothing, sweets, and nuts. The nuptial alliance is set during this ceremony, and the families formally welcome the bride and groom.
Aai Budo Bhaat/Aiburobhaat
This ritual involves the bride and groom enjoying their last meal as bachelors in their respective homes. The mother of the bride or groom usually cooks their favourite dishes, including delicious Bengali food and sweets. The Aiburobhaat is particularly significant for unmarried young adults and is a celebration of love and care. Fish plays a prominent role in this ceremony, with dishes like "doi maach" and "maacher jhol" meticulously prepared to delight the guests.
Gaye Holud
The morning of the wedding ceremony, the groom's family, without the groom, visits the bride's house to celebrate and perform the Gaye Holud, or "applying turmeric to the body." Both families apply turmeric paste to the bride and groom during their respective ceremonies. This tradition symbolizes purification and marks the beginning of the couple's new journey together.
Vridhi
The senior members of both families perform a puja, worshipping the ancestors of the bride and groom and seeking their blessings for the new couple.
Other Pre-Wedding Rituals
The Mala Badal, or flower garland exchange, is another significant ritual in traditional Bengali weddings. This ceremony marks the first time the bride and groom see each other, reflecting the custom of keeping the couple apart until the wedding. The Saat Paake Ghora is another crucial ritual, symbolizing the bond between the bride and groom. The bride is gently lifted by her brothers and taken around the groom in seven complete circles, signifying the couple's commitment to each other.
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The wedding ceremony
A Bengali wedding is a long and detailed affair, full of rituals, traditions, fun, and colour. The wedding ceremony itself is preceded by several rituals and festivities that start days before the wedding and last days after.
The first ritual is Adan Pradan, a private occasion that marks the start of the wedding. This is followed by the Ashirbaad, or engagement ritual, which takes place two or three days before the wedding. During this ceremony, the groom, his close friends, and family members visit the bride's home bearing gifts of sarees, jewellery, clothing, sweets, and nuts. The bride is showered with gifts and blessings, and the nuptial alliance is set.
The day before the wedding, friends, neighbours, and close relatives gather at the homes of the bride and groom for a festive meal. This is considered their last grand meal as a spinster and bachelor, respectively, and is called Aiburobhaat. The meal is a feast of fish dishes, including "doi maach" and "maacher jhol". The mother of the bride and groom lovingly feed them curd, puffed rice, and sweets, and they must then fast until the wedding is over.
On the morning of the wedding, the groom's family, without the groom, visits the bride's house to celebrate and perform the Gaye Holud, or turmeric ceremony. The turmeric paste is made by married women who grind raw turmeric sticks with grinding stones. The paste is applied to the bodies of the bride and groom during their respective ceremonies, symbolising purification and marking the beginning of their new life together.
The wedding procession, or bor jatri, then leaves for the wedding venue, usually in a luxury caravan. The groom's car leads the procession, and at the entrance to the venue, the mother of the bride and other elders of the family wait to receive the group. The mother may first wash the wheels of the groom's car, then anoint him with tilak and perform an aarti before welcoming him.
The final ritual before the wedding ceremony is the Snan, where family members and relatives of the bride and groom go to a water body, usually the River Ganges, to fill a pitcher with water. This water is used to bathe the bride in a ceremony that marks the conclusion of the pre-wedding rituals.
The Saat Paake Ghora, or Saat Paak, is a crucial ritual symbolising the bond between the bride and groom. The bride is seated on a low wooden stool and gently lifted by her brothers to circle the groom seven times, signifying the couple's commitment to each other.
The Sindoor Daan is a significant ritual marking the official union of the bride and groom. The groom applies sindoor, or vermillion, to the bride's hair parting using a traditional rice-measuring utensil. He then places a new saree, or Lajja-Bostro, over her head as a gesture of acceptance and protection.
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Post-wedding celebrations
The Bou-Bhat ritual is another significant post-wedding celebration, where the groom's family hosts a reception to introduce the new bride to their relatives, friends, and neighbours. The bride's family is honoured as special guests and arrives in a procession called the Kone-Jatri or the bridal party, bearing gifts for the newlyweds and the groom's family.
The final ritual of the Bengali wedding is the filling of the bride's forehead with red powder, known as Sindoor Dan. The groom applies vermillion to the bride's forehead as they recite sacred chants and prayers, marking the end of their marriage vows and the conclusion of the wedding ceremony.
The bashor ghor is a room decorated for the newlyweds, where the bride's sisters ask for money from the groom's family before allowing him to enter. Once an amount is agreed upon, the groom enters, and various cultural activities take place.
In addition to these rituals, the days after a Bengali wedding are filled with reunions of family members and friends, strengthening old bonds and creating new ones.
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The role of food and colour
The vibrant and lively atmosphere of a Bengali wedding is enhanced by the abundance of colours and flavours that are integral to the festivities. From the colourful flower garlands to the mouth-watering dishes, a Bengali wedding is a treat for all the senses.
The Role of Colour
The traditional colours of a Bengali wedding include ulu dhwani, which symbolises love and blessings. The bride's face is adorned with paan or betel leaves, which play a significant role in the wedding rituals. The paan leaves are believed to bring good luck and are used to guard the bride's face during the Subho Dristi ritual, where the bride unveils her face to meet the groom's eyes for the first time. The groom's family also plays a role in the colour palette of the wedding, as they arrive bearing gifts of "Tottwo", which include colourful fruits, sweets, fish, and apparels decorated creatively.
The wedding attire itself is a colourful affair, with the groom dressed in a "topor", "jore" (silk shawl), and a "dhoti", gifted to him by the bride's family. The bride, on the other hand, is adorned with sandalwood paste, or "Chandan Sojja", in traditional designs, adding a touch of colour and fragrance to her appearance.
The Role of Food
Food plays a crucial role in a Bengali wedding, with an array of delicious dishes being served throughout the festivities. The celebrations often start with the Aiburobhaat ritual, where the bride or groom is treated to a lavish last meal of rice and an array of fish dishes, including "doi maach" and "maacher jhol", prepared by their loved ones. This ritual is a celebration of love and care, marking the last meal before they enter married life.
The wedding day itself begins with a traditional meal of curd, puffed rice, and sweets, lovingly fed to the bride and groom by their mothers before the wedding rituals commence. This is their last meal before they fast for the rest of the day. The wedding rituals also involve food, with the grinding of rice powder, or "Dhan Kota", and the preparation of turmeric paste, or "Holud Kota", by married women. These rituals symbolise the purification and nourishment of the couple as they embark on their new journey together.
The conclusion of the wedding is marked by the Bhat Kapor ritual, where the groom presents the bride with a saree, sindur, and a plate of traditional Bengali cuisine, symbolising his commitment to caring for her. The Bou-Bhat ritual, held the day after the wedding, is another food-centric celebration, where the groom's family hosts a reception and the bride is introduced to their relatives, friends, and neighbours.
Bengali weddings are known for their exuberance and hospitality, and food plays a central role in bringing people together. The array of colours and flavours adds to the joy and excitement of the festivities, making a Bengali wedding an unforgettable experience.
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Frequently asked questions
A Bengali wedding is a long and detailed affair, with festivities that start days before the wedding and last days after. The wedding itself takes place within a specific time frame, called the lagna, which is considered the most auspicious time for the ceremony.
The Adan Pradan is the first occasion of a Bengali wedding, marking the start of the wedding rituals. The Aashirbaad is the engagement ritual, scheduled two to three days before the wedding. The Mehndi party is a pre-wedding event for the bride and her closest female friends and family, where henna is applied to her hands and feet. The Gaye Holud is another pre-wedding ritual, where the groom's family visits the bride's house on the morning of the wedding to perform the turmeric ceremony.
The Saat Paake Ghora ritual, where the bride is lifted by her brothers and taken around the groom in seven circles, symbolises the couple's bond. The Mala Badal is when the bride and groom exchange flower garlands, marking the first time they see each other. The Sindoor Daan is a significant ritual where the groom applies vermillion to the bride's hair parting, signifying her transition into married life.
