Deborah Chan
Weddings in the United States are incredibly diverse, with many couples incorporating cultural and religious customs from previous generations into their ceremonies. While some American wedding traditions have been influenced by other cultures, there are several customs that remain popular. For instance, it is customary for newlyweds to receive gifts for their new home, and many couples opt for a grand exit, such as a Second Line parade. Wedding cakes are also considered important, with couples partaking in a ritual where they feed each other a bite, sometimes resulting in smushed cake on each other's faces. Many brides also follow the saying, Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe, accessorising their wedding attire to promote good luck in their new marriage.
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What You'll Learn
Wedding attire
White-Tie
White-tie is the most formal wedding attire. For men, this means wearing a tuxedo with tails, a white shirt, a vest, a bow tie, white or grey gloves, and formal footwear such as derby shoes or oxfords. Women are expected to wear a formal floor-length evening gown with jewellery, heels, and a clutch purse.
Black-Tie
A step down from white-tie, black-tie dress codes indicate a formal evening event. Men can wear a tuxedo or a dark suit, a white shirt, and a conservative tie. Women should wear a floor-length gown, although a sophisticated cocktail dress or an elegant pantsuit may be acceptable depending on the level of formality of the event.
Black-Tie Optional
Black-tie optional is slightly less formal than black-tie. Men can wear a dark suit, a white shirt, and a tie. Women can wear a floor-length gown, a cocktail dress, or a dressy pantsuit. It is more acceptable to wear a dress that shows the ankles at a black-tie optional event than at a black-tie event.
Semi-Formal/Cocktail
Semi-formal or cocktail attire is a popular choice for weddings. This dress code strikes a balance between elegant and comfortable. For men, a dress shirt and slacks are appropriate, with the option to wear a tie. Women can wear below-the-knee dresses, slip dresses, a dressy skirt and top, or a pantsuit with heels, wedges, or formal flats.
Casual
Casual weddings can be confusing for guests, but this does not mean that guests should dress sloppily. Men should avoid jeans, t-shirts, and ripped or torn clothing. A blazer, a dress shirt, and cotton-linen chinos are recommended. Women should aim to look and feel their best without overshadowing the bride. A cute mini dress might be perfect for an indoor, cocktail-style reception, but a dress with a breeze might be more appropriate for an outdoor wedding.
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Wedding venues
There are a variety of venue options to choose from, including luxurious hotels, serene garden settings, rustic barns, urban lofts, and even nontraditional locations like backyards or ranches. Some couples opt for destination weddings, where they can exchange vows in a beautiful location away from home.
When choosing a venue, couples should consider factors such as location, capacity, amenities, and cost. Some popular wedding venues in the United States include The Providence Cotton Mill in Maiden, NC, The Ritz-Carlton Georgetown in Washington, D.C., and Rosewood Miramar Beach in California. These venues offer unique features such as outdoor spaces, historical charm, and breathtaking views.
The cost of a wedding venue can vary depending on the region, with residents of Manhattan paying more than three times the median price, while residents of Alaska spend less than half. Couples can also save money by choosing nontraditional venues or taking advantage of lower costs during the COVID-19 pandemic.
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Wedding vows
Traditional Vows
Traditional vows are often determined by the religion underlying the marriage ceremony, with wording that varies according to the specific religion. For example, in Jewish ceremonies, the groom says:
> "Harey at mekuddeshet li B'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe V'israel," which means, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire, Agni.
The traditional marriage vows according to the Book of Common Prayer are:
> "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth. With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
The vows according to the service in Common Worship, followed since 2000, are:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law."
Self-Written Vows
Some couples choose to write their own vows, including humorous ones to entertain their guests. One couple shared how they adjusted every sentence of their wedding vows to end with "one day at a time".
When writing your own vows, it is important to consider their meaning and the promises you are making to your partner. It is also a good idea to talk them through with your partner before the ceremony.
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Wedding rings
In Western nations, wedding rings are often made from gold, palladium, platinum, argentium silver, titanium, or tungsten. In the United States, it is common for the bride's wedding ring to be bejeweled, while the engagement ring is plain. Wedding rings are typically worn on the left hand, with the engagement ring stacked on top. In some European countries, such as Germany, Austria, and the Netherlands, wedding rings are worn on the right hand.
The wedding ring exchange is a significant part of the wedding ceremony. In traditional weddings, the ring bearer, often a family member, parades the rings into the ceremony on a special cushion. The couple may choose to adapt their ceremony script to include specific wording around the ring exchange. The rings are then placed on each other's fingers, symbolizing their endless love and respect for each other.
The history of wedding rings dates back to ancient times. In Medieval Europe, Roman fede and portrait rings were popular. During the Renaissance and Elizabethan eras, poesy rings, inscribed with poetry, were in vogue. In the 16th and 17th centuries, gimmel rings, consisting of two interlocking bands, were exchanged during the wedding ceremony. One band was worn by each partner during the engagement, and the rings were reunited during the wedding.
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Wedding cakes
The design and structure of American wedding cakes are influenced by various cultures and regional preferences. For example, cakes in the South may be made with coconut, while fruitcakes are popular in the Northeast. Wedding cakes are typically made sturdier and frozen for decorating, to prevent collapse. Bakers may use fondant, sugar paste, or buttercream to create elaborate piping and intricate sugar flowers.
The wedding cake cutting ceremony is a longstanding tradition, dating back to Roman and Medieval times. It symbolises the couple's first joint task as newlyweds and is often seen as a photo opportunity. Traditionally, the bride cut the cake alone to symbolise the loss of her virginity, but now couples usually cut the cake together.
There are several other wedding cake traditions. One tradition is to save the top tier of the cake to eat on the couple's first wedding anniversary. Fruitcakes, which were commonly served at Victorian weddings, were chosen for this purpose as they have a long shelf life. Another tradition is to bake charms into the cake, with each charm holding a specific meaning. Guests would then be warned to remove the charms before eating their slice of cake.
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Frequently asked questions
American weddings are highly variable, but some common elements include the bride and her father walking down the aisle, the exchange of rings and vows, and the first kiss. Many weddings also include a bridal party, best man, flower girl, and ring bearer.
Wedding receptions are often where the couple receives gifts. There is usually a meal, followed by the first dance, a parental dance, and speeches. Many couples also cut a wedding cake, which they may save the top tier of to eat on their first anniversary.
The colour white is highly symbolic, representing purity, and is usually reserved for the bride's dress. The wedding ring is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand, which was believed by the Romans to be connected to the heart by the 'vein of love'.
Native American tribes have their own unique wedding traditions, such as the blanket ceremony and the stomp dance. In the US, it is also common for couples to incorporate culture-specific practices into their weddings, such as the exchange of garlands in Hindu weddings.
Modern weddings often deviate from traditional norms. For example, couples may choose to write their own vows or skip the bouquet toss. Some couples also choose to have a destination wedding, allowing them to design their wedding ceremony to fit the location.
