Franklin Dean
A gay wedding is a celebration of love between two people of the same sex. Since same-sex marriage was only legalised recently, there are few established customs or practices for gay weddings, meaning couples have the freedom to create new traditions and make the ceremony their own. This can include deciding whether to walk down the aisle together or separately, incorporating traditional elements such as a wedding cake or first dance, and choosing whether to come out to wedding vendors. Ultimately, the most important thing is to make the day special and a reflection of the couple's relationship.
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What You'll Learn
There is no blueprint for proposals, so do what feels right
When it comes to the wedding ceremony, you can incorporate as many or as few traditions as you like. You can walk down the aisle together or separately, have a mix of old and new, and add your own touches, such as special clothes or music. You can also choose to have a non-traditional wedding processional, such as a circular setup. It's your day, so make it yours and choose what feels right for you as a couple.
The same goes for the wedding party. You can have a mix of men and women, or keep it to just your closest friends, regardless of gender. You can also decide whether you want to "come out" to your vendors or not. The answer is up to you, but if gender is a big part of their service offering, you may want to consider being upfront.
Finally, don't feel restricted by tradition when it comes to your last name. Some couples opt for hyphenated last names, while others choose to keep their own or adopt their partner's. Discuss it with your partner and choose what works best for you. The most important thing is to have fun and celebrate your love.
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Choose whether to come out to your vendors
When planning a wedding, it is essential to build a team of vendors who can bring your vision to life. This team typically includes caterers, wedding planners, florists, cake designers, transportation services, and other professionals. One unique aspect of planning a gay wedding is deciding whether to "come out" to these vendors as a same-sex couple.
The decision to disclose your sexual orientation to vendors is entirely up to you and your partner. Some couples prefer to be upfront about their identities, while others may choose to keep this information private. There are valid reasons for both approaches.
Being open about your identity can help you find vendors who are not only accepting but also enthusiastic about celebrating your love. It can be special to find vendors who are overjoyed to have a gay wedding in their portfolio and are committed to creating an inclusive environment. Additionally, being upfront allows vendors to refuse service if they are uncomfortable, saving you from potential issues down the line.
On the other hand, some couples may prefer to keep their sexual orientation private to avoid any potential discrimination or negative reactions. Unfortunately, some vendors may hold biases or be unwilling to work with same-sex couples, and disclosing your identity upfront may limit your options or result in higher prices. In this case, you may choose to be more subtle in your approach, such as asking about their experience with gay weddings or looking for inclusive wording and photos on their websites.
Ultimately, the decision to come out to your vendors depends on your personal comfort level, the specific circumstances, and the importance you place on having vendors who align with your values. Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love, so choose vendors who will respect and honour your relationship.
To find inclusive vendors, you can utilise resources such as GayWeddings.com, which features vendors who embrace same-sex couples. Additionally, local LGBTQ+ communities and groups can be a great source of recommendations for gay-friendly vendors in your area. By being thoughtful and intentional in your vendor selection, you can ensure that your wedding day is filled with supportive and accepting professionals.
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Decide who walks down the aisle and when
There are many ways to decide who walks down the aisle and when during a gay wedding. Ultimately, the decision is up to the couple and can be based on their personal taste or LGBTQ+ wedding traditions.
About 50% of same-sex couples walk down the aisle together, reflecting unity and equality. Some venues have two entrances to the aisle, allowing both partners to walk towards each other and meet in the middle. Alternatively, couples can choose to walk down the aisle separately, either with a family member or on their own, with the other partner waiting at the altar.
If you are part of the wedding party, it may be a good idea to discuss with the couple how they would like the procession to work. This can be a fun and creative process, and the couple may want to incorporate non-traditional elements to make their ceremony unique.
The most important thing is that the ceremony reflects the couple's relationship and style. Whether you choose to walk together or separately, the decision is entirely up to you and your partner.
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Plan your wedding party and their outfits
Planning the outfits for your wedding party is an important part of the wedding planning process. It is a chance to showcase your personal style and create a cohesive look for your wedding party. Here are some tips to help you plan:
Decide on an Overall Creative Vision:
Before choosing specific outfits, decide on the overall aesthetic and vibe you want to achieve. Consider the season, level of formality, event design, and venue. For example, a beach wedding may call for a relaxed style with lightweight textiles, while a downtown city celebration might be the perfect opportunity to shine in neutrals and sleek silhouettes.
Mix and Match:
Today's wedding fashion is all about individuality and personality. Feel free to mix and match colours, textures, and silhouettes within a designated colour palette or central theme. This approach adds a modern and whimsical touch to your wedding party's attire. You can also allow your wedding party to select their own looks within a chosen colour palette, giving them the freedom to express their unique style.
Personal Touches:
Encourage your wedding party to add personal touches to their outfits. This could include incorporating their partner's name, your wedding date, favourite quotes, song lyrics, or family heirlooms. These details will make their outfits even more meaningful and special.
Comfort is Key:
While style is important, comfort is essential. Ensure that your wedding party feels comfortable in their outfits, especially if they will be dancing or moving around a lot. Uncomfortable outfits can ruin the moment, so make sure everyone feels confident and relaxed in their chosen attire.
Plan for Different Events:
Don't forget that there are multiple events beyond the wedding ceremony itself that require careful outfit planning. These may include the engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, and farewell brunch. Consider the level of formality and the theme of each event when planning outfits for yourself and your wedding party.
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Decide whether to have an after-party
While not a requirement, after-parties are a great way to extend the celebration and spend more time with friends and family. They usually take place directly after the reception, often at a separate location, and are more relaxed and informal.
If you're keen to keep the party going, there are a few things to consider when planning an after-party. Firstly, the venue. This could be a private residence, a hotel suite, a bar or club, or another event space. Choose somewhere that fits your style and budget, and that is easily accessible for your guests. If you're moving to a new location, make sure to communicate this to your guests. If you want to keep it a surprise, you could leave it until the newlywed toast to reveal the details.
Next, decide on food and drink. Food is important to fuel your guests for more dancing and can be a fun, casual affair—think pizza, fries, sliders, and chicken fingers. You can also provide drinks, or let guests know they'll need to purchase their own.
Finally, think about entertainment. You could have a DJ, a live band, games, a photo booth, or even a surprise performance.
If you're unsure about an after-party, consider your guest list and the end time of your reception. If you have a lot of older relatives or parents with young children, the party may naturally wind down earlier. However, if you have a lot of similarly-aged friends, they may want to keep the party going. In this case, a more laid-back, informal after-party could be a great option.
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Frequently asked questions
Planning a gay wedding is similar to planning a traditional wedding, but with more flexibility. You can choose to incorporate traditional elements such as a wedding cake, first dance, or bouquet toss, or create your own unique traditions. Some important steps to consider are finding an inclusive wedding venue, selecting vendors, and planning the ceremony and reception.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Some couples choose to walk down the aisle together to symbolise unity and equality, while others prefer to walk separately, perhaps with a family member. The choice should reflect the couple's relationship and style.
There are no set rules for a gay wedding party, and you can choose to include anyone who is special to you, regardless of their gender. You can decide whether to have a bridal party or groomsmen, or a mix of both. It is not necessary for the number of attendants to be equal on both sides.
One consideration is whether to “come out” to your vendors. While it is not required, being upfront about your identity may be helpful if gender is a significant aspect of their services. Additionally, you may encounter challenges when navigating wedding traditions that do not easily translate to same-sex weddings.
There is no requirement for an engagement ring or any specific item when proposing. However, many couples may want to give their partner a physical token of their affection, such as a ring, watch, or monogrammed cufflinks.
